#1
this is my first real try at writing lyrics. its not finished yet but i just want to know what you guys think. there are some lines i think are pretty bad but i couldnt come up with anything better.

They stayed up late
the talked about nothing and everything.
but he wasn't the one for her
she wanted something more

then came someone else
he made her the happiest girl in the world
how was she to know it wouldn't last
that he would just leave her

Now shes crying!
he did this to her
she lets him in
and he (?)
now she's crying!

the (?) means i cant think of an ending for this line.
Quote by Punk_Ninja

I was like "Shut up woman, Satch is playing"
Quote by Soul Power
Maybe instead of eating you, you and her could eat a drifter. Like, make it one of those things you do together as a couple.
#2
Personally I find it rather cliché. Both writing and subject. If you could try to wrap the situation up in metaphors, it would probably be a lot more interesting to read.

My Youtube Page

I wrote this story so many days ago
and the words kept falling onto pages.
Without the loss we can't go on
and with the loss we became strong.

#3
yeah your sorta right i guess but it just came into my head the other day.
Quote by Punk_Ninja

I was like "Shut up woman, Satch is playing"
Quote by Soul Power
Maybe instead of eating you, you and her could eat a drifter. Like, make it one of those things you do together as a couple.
#4
alright start to a concept... but definitely needs more metaphors or imagery... unless you're shooting for an emo ballad (sorry if that's harsh)
#6
glitch yours wasnt harsh, nooldeman i like that.
but yeah i think it needs a lot of work and you guys have confirmed that.
thanks for your input
Quote by Punk_Ninja

I was like "Shut up woman, Satch is playing"
Quote by Soul Power
Maybe instead of eating you, you and her could eat a drifter. Like, make it one of those things you do together as a couple.