#1
Educational note: Sibiu is a city in Transylvania, Romania. The earliest record of its existence is from 1191. In the old part of town there are twisty backstreets which have walls on either side of them and massive wooden arched doorways which when opened reveal cobbled courtyards surrounded by houses and lights and music and laughter. The main square is surrounded by houses - the only front facing houses I saw in Romania. Posh men like to ride their big flashy cars through it. We sat in the square and ate supper.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2452/3852022566_4bf29c305c.jpg



Sibiu


From deep within the roofs
and high above the ground,
old, bewitching eyes gaze out.

Cunning eyes, with tiled eyebrows
and pigeons for pupils,
glaring down

Stony eyes, staring around
and doors for mouths
letting out psychopathic smiles…

These old lady eyes
have seen the tint of time
on a medieval town.

These Transylvanian townhouses
were once virgins on soft ground,
but now I see splashes of red on their walls,

black cloaks for gardens
and their once tall bodies bent
into ritualistic bows.

Try holding your mirror up to this country
and see nothing but blank spaces,
the houses lost in history.

See nothing but biro lines
arranged randomly on pages
and printed into maps

showing roads between centuries
connecting gaps to gaps to
more gaps.

But look into its eyes
and see the vampires hiding
inside the black.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
Last edited by DigUpHerBones at Sep 4, 2009,
#2
From deep within the roofs
and high above the ground,
old, bewitching eyes gaze out.

Cunning eyes, with tiled eyebrows
just 'brows' here maybe?
and pigeons for pupils,
glaring down

I think the pigeon pupils takes the simile too far

Stony eyes, staring around
and doors for mouths
letting out psychopathic smiles…

again, turning the whole house into a face is a bit comical for me. But that could just be me.

These old lady eyes
have seen the tint of time
on a medieval town.

These Transylvanian townhouses
were once virgins on soft ground,
but now I see splashes of red on their walls,

Townhouses? Townhouses summon up images of opulence and victorian wealth for me, I don't think that's what you want to convey here. I think I like the sort of sexual/pubicy/periody feel here, but i'm not sure.

black cloaks for gardens
and their once tall bodies bent
into ritualistic bows.

Try holding your mirror up to this country
and see nothing but blank spaces,
the houses lost in history.

See nothing but biro lines
arranged randomly on pages
and printed into maps

showing roads between centuries
connecting gaps to gaps to
more gaps.

Don't think that final gaps was necessary

But look into its eyes
and see the vampires hiding
inside the black.
______________

To be honest, no matter how good the description gets (and again it gets very good) but I quite quickly tire of the extended metaphor.
On vacation from modding = don't pm me with your pish
#5
I guess I'll write this town into something better.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!