#1
i've counted up all the days spent
and wondering where the summer went
i remember feeling oceans apart
a bit too cautious and much too far
and then finally coming home
i never knew i was lost.

i was holding the world in my arms
trying so hard to keep her from harm
there wasn't anything that wasn't you
and emotions enough to pull us through
always knew we'd never fail.

burdened with the knowledge of a hard goodbye
while i had to stop thinking that you were mine
well we had our summer of love
but i don't think i could ever get enough
not even close to close enough

i'm trying to figure out if i fit the piece
you know, that corner of your heart that i reached
but there's always two sides to that can go there
and i've always thought it was difficult to share
no one knows this time.

acceptance is all that runs across my mind
and i since have figured out that you aren't mine
well we had our summer of love
but i don't think i could ever get enough
not even close to close enough

facing the debate
of forgetting your face
cause you can't miss what you can't place
you won't have regrets
cause you can't miss what you forget..

well we had our summer of love
but i don't think i could ever get enough
not even close to close enough
but right now
i just want to go home.
#2
Quote by kellylien
i've counted up all the days spent
and wondering where the summer went
i remember feeling oceans apart
a bit too cautious and much too far
and then finally coming home
i never knew i was lost.
I nice first stanza. Full of emotion, and it sets the mood well.

i was holding the world in my arms
trying so hard to keep her from harm
there wasn't anything that wasn't you
and emotions enough to pull us through
always knew we'd never fail.
The first two lines are good, but the last three seem odd. I just can't seem to find a flow for them.

burdened with the knowledge of a hard goodbye
while i had to stop thinking that you were mine
well we had our summer of love
but i don't think i could ever get enough
not even close to close enough
This is good. Some nice word choice in parts. The last line is horrible, but it's probably a typo.

i'm trying to figure out if i fit the piece
you know, that corner of your heart that i reached
but there's always two sides to that can go there
and i've always thought it was difficult to share
no one knows this time.
I really don't like this stanza. The rhymes seem forced, and the word choices are very awkward. Bad flow too.

acceptance is all that runs across my mind
and i since have figured out that you aren't mine
well we had our summer of love
but i don't think i could ever get enough
not even close to close enough
This is another stanza of which I'm not too fond. The word choices seem really odd, and the last line is too much. I think "Not even close" would work better on its own, without the rest of that line. Just my opinion.

facing the debate
of forgetting your face
cause you can't miss what you can't place
you won't have regrets
cause you can't miss what you forget..
I'm on the fence with this one. Some of the word choices are clever, but the rest is kind of awkward and seems forced.

well we had our summer of love
but i don't think i could ever get enough
not even close to close enough
but right now
i just want to go home.
I don't know, that third line has kind of grown on me. Maybe it's okay as it is. Overall, this is an okay ending stanza. Kind of anticlimactic though.


Well, not too bad. I came across a lot of flow issues, and a lot of it seemed forced. Not to mention, the summer fling story is overdone, and the way you tell it is nothing new. But with some work, this could be a pretty nice song.

EDIT: Oh, and your title is terribly cliche. I would definitely change it.
Last edited by Winter Sky at Sep 4, 2009,