#1
This is very new. Written from a man's perspective. Needs a bit of work. It was inspired by this photo. It was taken be a man named Nouk whom I do not know.
C4C Cheers.....

Most Things Like Her Cause Accidents

There are ways that she loves
That cannot be explained

Every morning feels like the end
The planets fall
The sun implodes
The glamour of evil is manifested
In most things like her

Tracing shadows on the dry wall
Her skeletal hands
Creating something
Where there once was nothing
Where nothing lives and breathes

“If you think about it,” she says, “we are all lost.”
“We’ve all been cut open and bruised.”
I am still
I move to correct her
But silence ensues

How many times have I begged her?
“Alter my belief.”
“Break me open.”
“Show me what I am.”

And she has done it
And she will

She contorts her face
Scrunches her nose
Purses her lips

She quiets the dawn
Breaks open the day
Slices it into bits of remorse
Asks me which I like best

She tells me I am cruel
Tells me I’m her saving grace

She is right
This I am sure of
The planets are falling
And the heart now implodes

Listen to my covers here.


"Some even claim that I'm a terror, a dictator and they're right." - Lou Reed


AK-ROWDY
#3
This is really nice, but the last two lines are kind of awkward.

The planets are falling
And the heart now implodes
<<My lyric. Critique, please?

You can't change the world but you can make a dent.
#5
Quote by White_Venom1993
What kind of song is it? This seems pretty solid. Could be very powerful in the right context.


Thanks! It's more of just a poem. I often go back and transform poetry that I've written into song form. No plans for this one though.

Listen to my covers here.


"Some even claim that I'm a terror, a dictator and they're right." - Lou Reed


AK-ROWDY
#6
Quote by musicjunkie207
Thanks! It's more of just a poem. I often go back and transform poetry that I've written into song form. No plans for this one though.
That's pretty cool. What do you draw inspiration from... like... what is your procedure to writing?
#7
Quote by White_Venom1993
That's pretty cool. What do you draw inspiration from... like... what is your procedure to writing?


It's different every time. For this piece I couldn't sleep and thought "I really need to write something." So I went to the computer and proceded to become VERY distracted by some photos I found. The link to the photo that inspired this is in my original post.

So many things inspire me. Dreams, other peoples writing, random people I meet, stories, photos, music. The list is endless.

Listen to my covers here.


"Some even claim that I'm a terror, a dictator and they're right." - Lou Reed


AK-ROWDY
#8
Quote by Xubnormal
This is really nice, but the last two lines are kind of awkward.


This is just a first draft type thing. I was planning on rewriting them but I'm not sure of what it is I'm going for yet.

Listen to my covers here.


"Some even claim that I'm a terror, a dictator and they're right." - Lou Reed


AK-ROWDY