#1
The lyrics for this are over on the songwriting and lyrics thread. I haven't recorded vocals because I can't sing. At all. The drums are from a machine. Everything else is me. http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/FrustratedRocka/music/all/play695806

This is one of my first real songwriting attempts. Please be relatively gentle, this isn't the pit. Also, pardon the lousy tone, I was running the guitar into the computer.
Last edited by FrustratedRocka at Sep 5, 2009,
#3
The original riff is good, but I think its repeated too many times in the first 30 seconds for it to be powerful. I really like the :30 - :37 riff. The drums actually don't sound too bad, Im not sure I like the slappiness/popiness of the bass tone though. Your lead playing is good for the most part, but I think it'd sound even better if you changed the tone a little for it to stand out a bit from the rest of the instruments, it was kind of blending in. Also for your lead playing, sometimes it sounded like you were trying to just fill up space in the song, be sure to change it up and realize that you don't always need to be playing lead runs. The only other thing that I noticed was that the structure of the song was kind of weird and didn't change up as much as I would've liked. Not bad though for a first song.

C4C
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1195028
Goodness gracious me!
Last edited by Bizarro at Sep 5, 2009,
#4
honestly the intro thing really isnt for me
but i rly liked the riff and your soloing sounds rly cool laid over top. the drums sound pretty good for a machine. is the bass you? if so thats freakin awesome. the bassline kicks ass.
#5
I like the lead riff over the bass, but the hammer ons and pull offs are slightly out of time with the rest of the recording. It cleans up with the tremolo picking but the song still just sounds like a jam because it has too many different parts in between the repeated parts, even though I like the feel of the song, I think some more consistency would help it.

Crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=21506397#post21506397

2004 MIM Strat w/ Fender Hot Noiseless pickups
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#6
thanks for the crit, the thing i enjoyed most about this song was the bassline :P. I can't really offer anything new as everything has already been said. The first riff just needs a bit of tidying up (don't be ashamed to sit down and practice your own riffs if they arent 100% perfect, I have written plenty of riffs which i can't even play! :P). But overall, this is a great song, just a bit of smoothing out will turn this into a great song
#7
Awesome! The bass really stands out to me. Great playing. I like the dynamics with the left and right channels as well. Good stuff!
#8
Thanks for the critique !

It was cool, I liked the guitar and bass parts, nice slap, and cool riffs!

But I thought you played some riffes to much time.

The solo sounded pretty good !! And the bassline is still great from begining to end

Thanks again for the crit it's really helping me up.
Last edited by flaphead325 at Sep 7, 2009,
#9
thanks for the crit. people have pretty much said it all but i thought it was really good. again, i didn't really love the intro to much but that's just me it didn't sound bad just not my style. You were off beat a few times in the intro but other then that it was great.
R.I.P Jerry Garcia (1945)-(1995)

In the winter of '65 we were hungry, just barely alive.

Confederate
#10
Yeah, I do agree with everyone else, its pertty good, the playing is good, its put together pertty well, but the intro was a bit repetitive, prolly only needs to go for like 15 seconds instead of 30. I dont think the song needs to be so long, I think you where trying to keep everything a 4 or 8 bar progression, but sometimes only a 2 bar progression is good to break the riffs down. Your solo was not bad, it sounded pertty difficult, I would think you should praticed it a bit first. Your tone was actually pertty good considering that you recorded straight into the computer, and like everyone else said, the bass sounded good.
Good job though, it just needs some touching up.
#11
It's pretty cool. Better than my first song attempt I'll tell you that. There's good riffs in there, I just think it dragged on a bit. Just shorten some of the sections. Solo was ok, mostly good note choices and phrasing, and staying in key, but it lacked feeling and emotion imo. Practice bending and vibrato, vibrato is so important in lead playing. Drums and bass were pretty good too.

That said, it's a pretty cool tune, but you just gotta work at it a little more. Very nice for a first song though man.
OH LAAWDDYY!!!!
#12
Thanks for the critiques everyone. I really appreciate it.
Quote by dr_shred
FrustratedRocka you are a legend

Quote by littlephil

The man clearly knows his shit.

Quote by Banjocal


one of the best, educated and logical posts I've ever seen on UG in the Pit. Well done good sir.
#13
Harmonies are nicely done. Yes it did get a little repetative. Not a bad sound. Would have liked to hear some further layering of your guitar tones...mainly having the rhythm guitar continue underneath the harmony guitar. Overall great job!
I'll be sober tomorrow but you'll still be ugly.
~WC Fields
#14
Thanks.
Quote by dr_shred
FrustratedRocka you are a legend

Quote by littlephil

The man clearly knows his shit.

Quote by Banjocal


one of the best, educated and logical posts I've ever seen on UG in the Pit. Well done good sir.