#1
please tell me what you think about this......

Voidal Resignation


Verse 1
I have become, so broken.
My life has flashed before my eyes,
Countless times. But still it’s not the end,
Into hell I won’t descend.
Because my protection is now dying,
from this Voidal resignation.

Pre Chorus
Time is not falling away,
My isolation is just giving up.
This void that I hide in, is slowly
Falling apart.

Chorus
I am not running away from my fear,
But now I see there’s nothing for me here.
My senses sprawling, unbound I’m falling
Out of this dimension that I once called home.

Verse 2
Arrival, diminished, exploding hearts are begging to break free.
Dementia, overwhelming, deep inside I know I cannot do this all alone.
and Now I’m speechless , im lost here , left alone all from this Voidal resignation.

Pre Chorus
Chorus

Bridge
Hold on, strength will come.
Outside, this reality, there’s.
A hidden motivation, that allows me to see more clearly…
Solo

Pre Chorus
Time is not falling away,
My isolation is just giving up.
This void that I hide in has now fallen apart.

Chorus
I am not running away from my fear,
But now I see there’s nothing for me here.
My senses sprawling, unbound I’m falling
Out of this dimension that I once called home.

I am not running away from my fear,
But now I see there’s nothing for me here.
My senses sprawling, unbound I’m falling
Into a new reality, a brand new home…
"I'll have 2 number nines, a number nine large, a number six with extra dip, a number seven, two number forty-fives, one with cheese, and a large soda" ~Melvin 'Big Smoke' Harris.
Last edited by Oblivoath666 at Sep 5, 2009,
#2
Quote by Oblivoath666
please tell me what you think about this......

Voidal Resignation


Verse 1
I have become, so broken.
My life has flashed before my eyes,
Countless times. But still it’s not the end,
Into hell I won’t descend.
Because my protection is now dying,
from this Voidal resignation.
I really like this verse. I like the lack of a rhyming scheme; it does this sort of piece justice.

Pre Chorus
Time is not falling away,
My isolation is just giving up.
This void that I hide in, is slowly
Falling apart.
I like this. Although, I would change "that I hide in" to "in which I hide". I think it sounds better.

Chorus
I am not running away from my fear,
But now I see there’s nothing for me here.
My senses sprawling, unbound I’m falling
Out of this dimension that I once called home.
Very cool chorus. Nice flow and excellent word choice.

Verse 2
Arrival, diminished, exploding hearts are begging to break free.
Dementia, overwhelming, deep inside I know I cannot do this all alone.
and Now I’m speechless , im lost here , left alone all from this Voidal resignation.
Very odd line breaks; I'm guessing you forgot to add some of the breaks. Good verse though.

Pre Chorus
Chorus

Bridge
Hold on, strength will come.
Outside, this reality, there’s.
A hidden motivation, that allows me to see more clearly…
I like this bridge. So far, this song sounds very Prog Rock.
Solo

Pre Chorus
Time is not falling away,
My isolation is just giving up.
This void that I hide in has now fallen apart.

Chorus
I am not running away from my fear,
But now I see there’s nothing for me here.
My senses sprawling, unbound I’m falling
Out of this dimension that I once called home.

I am not running away from my fear,
But now I see there’s nothing for me here.
My senses sprawling, unbound I’m falling
Into a new reality, a brand new home…
Satisfying ending to a nice song. Great job.


Very solid song. Sounds like it could be a really cool Prog Rock song. Is that what you were going for? Either way, amazing lyrics. It was a good read.

If you have the time, please critique my newest song, Bitter Soma. Link is in my signature. ^_^
#3
hey thanks....yes i was going for prog with this.....kinda of a Dream Theater ish sound maybe.
"I'll have 2 number nines, a number nine large, a number six with extra dip, a number seven, two number forty-fives, one with cheese, and a large soda" ~Melvin 'Big Smoke' Harris.