#3
If fapping isn't on this, I'll be SORELY disappointed.
has a terrible signature.
#7
Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically
fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all
know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards
or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.



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THE SAD MAFIOSO σƒ τλε τρπ βπστλεπλσσδ

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Originally Posted by jgbsmith
Guys, guys - put your penises away, we have a lady in the house!
#8
-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting
90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's
laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little
bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the
only one who really, really gets it.

I do this.
#9
If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring
would probably just be completely invisible.

lmao
Cette nuit j'ai rêvé que je mâchais ses yeux
Après avoir crevé par accès de furie
Ta replète panse d'helminthes blancs nourrie,
Trop prompte à déféquer le fruit d'un vit sanieux.
#10
carmen sandeigo and waldo that would be impossible
Originally Posted by TeenBite
Pfft, you all with your big shredding solos. I just play pinch harmonics, then play the same note again without a pinch harmonic. Everyone is like "teh fook?!".
#11
Quote by I_hate_kyle
I do this.

So do I.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.


LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".


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THE SAD MAFIOSO σƒ τλε τρπ βπστλεπλσσδ

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Originally Posted by jgbsmith
Guys, guys - put your penises away, we have a lady in the house!
#13
I had low expectations, but the few I've read so far have made me chuckle quietly.
#14
Quote by InvaderTSN
"Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron
test is absolutely petrifying."

I share this sentiment.

I second this motion

Sometimes I'll just answer something purposely wrong just to break the streak...

or when patters form!
Top 15:
Neutral Milk Hotel
Smashing Pumpkins
Placebo
Elliott Smith
Devendra Banhart
Pavement
Anberlin
Eve 6
The Clash
Imogen Heap
Ingrid Michaelson
Bayside
Minus The Bear
The Replacements
Bright Eyes/Conor Oberst
#15
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...


My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?


I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.




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THE SAD MAFIOSO σƒ τλε τρπ βπστλεπλσσδ

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Originally Posted by jgbsmith
Guys, guys - put your penises away, we have a lady in the house!
#16
I think i might be 25-35 on the inside. cause I share the same thoughts with practically everything on here.
I love this one.

*Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart",
all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".*

everyone says i am only book smart and have no street smarts, which I am. but id rather be that than what every1 who says that about me is, which is just street smart, for this exact reason of that quote haha
Quote by edgeyyz
It's like everyone's getting laid and I'm the only virgin...


Quote by Nunwhxre 666
I now dub thee, Fapking.

Bow down to the Fapking!

Shoop Group!
#17
- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.


so true, so true.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#19
i'm still half a decade away from being in that age range yet every single thing on that list applies to me.
...
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an unsaturated fattylolcid.
#20
- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
i nstinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

"On this life that we call home
The years go fast
and the days go so slow...

the days go so slow
."
#21
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.


Yes!

Quote by Globocop
- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
i nstinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.



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#22
If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring
would probably just be completely invisible.
He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages
#23
Quote by arizonagt
i'm still half a decade away from being in that age range yet every single thing on that list applies to me.

Im a Decade away and I feel the same. I laugh at everysingle one of these.

some other good ones that are so true.

Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got
the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if
I do!


How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?


EDIT: If you follow the link in the page's second Edit, you can see tons more quotes like these that are hillarious

If I am sitting in a desk chair with wheels you can bet your ass I'm not walking anywhere within wheeling distance for the rest of the day.
Quote by edgeyyz
It's like everyone's getting laid and I'm the only virgin...


Quote by Nunwhxre 666
I now dub thee, Fapking.

Bow down to the Fapking!

Shoop Group!
Last edited by EchoxOath at Sep 5, 2009,
#24
-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

I like this one.
#25
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!


YES. **** those dicks
-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.

Hey! I do this
Last edited by Oroborous at Sep 5, 2009,
#26
There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I've done this so many times, and it's so true. I hate that feeling...

Edit: While rummaging through Ruminations.com, I pretty much pee'd myself at this one.

Whenever I am in a retail store, I hate when wide-eyed associates track me down and ask if I need help. I am confident in my endeavors the answer is always no. But when I do need help, you seem to have fled to China.

Quote by zachbino57
CSguitarvocal is correct as usual, pepsi tastes much better out of a can.


Quote by TWISTEDFender
And CSguitarvocal for teh win.
Last edited by CSguitarvocal at Sep 5, 2009,
#27
-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're
going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to
be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the
direction from which you came, you have to first do something like
check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to
yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're
crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

I can relate to these.

I disapprove of the misuse of the word "random" though.