Poll: To lube or not to lube
Poll Options
View poll results: To lube or not to lube
Lotion
11 12%
No Lotion
63 71%
I have sex I dont masturbate
11 12%
Unable to Jerk (erectile dysfunction, arthritis, ALS)
4 4%
Voters: 89.
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#1
To the men of UG

Whilst masturbating do you do a dry rub or do you pull out all the stops and lotion up?

Personally I find that lotion is too messy, too loud, and takes much longer than a good natural palm on shaft beat off.
#2
I find the sweat from an intense session is a pretty good lubricant.

EDIT: However, I should mentioned, I AM uncut. So, I seldom EVER have to worry about it. In fact, almost never. But old lefty does a nice job on making things nice a loose.
Quote by Teh Forest King
A kid took a fetal pig during pig dissection, put a napkin on it as a cape, wrote "super pig" on it, then threw it out the window onto the greenhouse below, yelling "super pig, blast off!". He failed the pig lab
Last edited by Just Andrew at Sep 6, 2009,
#3
I have honestly experienced some of the best man hand operational faps dry.

Sometimes I anticipate too much when I lube up.
#4
Generally I don't use any. I will occasionally, but it seems to take longer for me. Worth it though I guess .
#6
I use lotion because I'd rather not literally skin the ol' carrot.


I must be doing something wrong...


EDIT: I also thought this thread was going to be about steaks. And I'm VERY hungry. DAMN YOU TS!!!
Quote by Diet_coke_head
I love taking a nice dip of some horse shit, so good.
#10
Shaving cream is the best!
Quote by MakinLattes
dwelling on past mishaps is for the weak. you must stride into the future, unabashed and prepared to fuck up yet again.
#11
Quote by imdeth
I use whatever I can find. Don't ever use shampoo. Seriously.

I've been there...awful
#12
Quote by imdeth
I use whatever I can find. Don't ever use shampoo. Seriously.


Haha take his advice, i know this firsthand. conditioner is also bad.
Quote by SoftOath
u mean grammar nazi...wait

grammar jesus = grammar nazi...then ....jesus = nazi!!!

omg


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*squishes allan143 with a rolled up newspaper*

ok, now everyone can agree that mosquitoes are douchebags.


8/7/09 Night of the Pear II (i was there)
#13
Quote by imdeth
I use whatever I can find. Don't ever use shampoo. Seriously.


I once used it before school and about 3rd period I had the most crippling pain in my urethra, I fell to the floor and had to be sent home
#14
No lotion. Unless I have a lot of time alone
Quote by blackflag49
Condoms, for all the copious amounts of pussy with which you will be inevitably bombarded from this moment onward.


#16
lol if u have the time to get lube why dont u just get clorofor--....


no lotion
Gotta keep my eyes from the circling skies...
tounge tied and twisted just an earth bound misfit...

>CRYPTIC METAPHOR<


Quote by ilikepirates
ilikeyou.

not hated
#18
Quote by diminishedtobme
When I used to get boners I used my tears as lube. /emo



Well when I was a pedoph........


forget that.
#19
Quote by diminishedtobme
When I used to get boners I used my tears as lube. /emo

what's wrong with that sentence?
enjoi yourself


Quote by Arrived+Dparted




Zeus's beard, I died of laughter
#20
Quote by thankyougermany

EDIT: I also thought this thread was going to be about steaks. And I'm VERY hungry. DAMN YOU TS!!!

ditto to that my brother
#21
Quote by spanish lovin
what's wrong with that sentence?


I have ED now!!! Its true, if you dont use it you lose it!!!
#22
Funny, I've used shampoo a few times and I've never experienced any kind of pain, discomfort, etc. Spit works pretty well as lube, though.
#24
reading the title, i got all excited for a legitimate cooking thread on UG, but then soon realized it was yet another thread about dicks, masturbation, and other gay shit.
Remember through sounds
Remember through smells
Remember through colors
Remember through towns
-Modest Mouse, "Novocaine Stain"
#25
I came into this thread expecting to be talking about some good ol' bar-b-que. WTF TS...WTF?
#26
Quote by LuckyBoys91
I came into this thread expecting to be talking about some good ol' bar-b-que. WTF TS...WTF?


It's not all about masturbation. I just prepared some meat if you'd like to try it?

ifyanowatimsayin.
#27
*enters thread*

*discovers it is not about preparing steak*

*leaves*
"Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo."
#30


I thought this was going to be about ribs.

Flam·boy·ant
French, from participle of flamboyer to flame
1:Characterized by waving curves suggesting flames
2:Marked by or given to strikingly elaborate or colorful display or behavior

#32
I've never used any lube except the still-warm blood of my dying victims.
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers
My tasty licks aren't going anywhere.
#33
No lube. I'm circumcised if that matters.
Quote by shattamakar
The only advantage of home-schooling is that it gives you good reason to commit suicide.


Hit this once or twice, and you'll be twice as nice.
#34
Quote by imdeth
I use whatever I can find. Don't ever use shampoo. Seriously.


This. Oh god, this.. they should be made to print a warning on the damned bottle.
GEAR:
Fender USA Lefty Telecaster
Custom HSS Lefty Strat
Samick Hollow-body
BOSS DS-1
BOSS SD-1
BOSS CE-4
BOSS DD-6
USA Big Muff PI
Peavey MACE 160w Head
Peavey MACE 410 Cabinet
Yamaha FG-450S-L
Eleca DAG3LN Lefty Acoustic
#35
No lube.
Foreskins are handy things.
Current Gear:
LTD MH-400
PRS SE Custom 24 (Suhr SSH+/SSV)
Ibanez RG3120 Prestige (Dimarzio Titans)
Squier Vintage Modified 70s Jazz V
Audient iD22 interface
Peavey Revalver 4, UAD Friedman BE100/DS40
Adam S3A monitors
Quote by Anonden
You CAN play anything with anything....but some guitars sound right for some things, and not for others. Single coils sound retarded for metal, though those who are apeshit about harpsichord probably beg to differ.
#36
Quote by imdeth
I use whatever I can find. Don't ever use shampoo. Seriously.

i don't get it. i've used shampoo a couple times before and nothing ever happened.
usually though, i just use some spit.
#37
This not being about ribs makes me angry.

And marinade.

When we're talking about ribs.
*-)
Quote by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

Rest in Peace, Troy Davis and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and Eric Garner and Mike Brown
#38
The problem for me is when I come down from that high state of ecstasy, I'm pissed at the extra shit I have to clean up if I lube. So most of the time I go dry.


God dammit, I need to go find me a new gf, or at least a good maintenance fuck.
Quote by me_llamo_juan
^You're awesome.



Quote by gtmustang2006
Listen to RageAgnstUrJaw.


"I've wronged you, and steal everything from the truth,
Can we find ourselves, walking through a field with no solitude,
The pain goes on."
#39
Quote by element4433
This not being about ribs makes me angry.

And marinade.

When we're talking about ribs.
Same, though I prefer my steaks dry-rubbed.
Quote by MightyAl
I took a pic of myself, cut a hole in the face and stuck my knob through so i could see what I'd look like if I got bitten by a radioactive elephant.
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