#1
There's always a riot in someone's life
an internal fire, a storm
a reason to get pissed and throw things around
to yell at whoever is there to hear it
to whine
to complain
to cry

And so I reach above my head
grab a branch, prop up a foot onto the trunk
pull myself up and climb
listen to the rustle of leaves
like the murmur of God in the wind
move higher, further
above the noise and fire
the way embers and smoke float into the sky

This is where the world truly is
as the branches get thinner in size
and my body sways softly up and down from the weight.
As I am serenely a slip away from death,
I am suddenly aware of my existence
Thoughts become more than distractions
Memories more than faint images
and tears transform from petty saltwater smears
into rain.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#2
Firewood, huh.

The title is really what ties the piece together. To be honest, I didn't think much if it when I read it at first, not until I went back and really noticed the title.

The title is what left me thinking. The narrator climbs the tree to escape "the noise and fire", but the title suggests that sense of futility. I love it.

I don't really see how the first stanza fits, though. Was it your mood when you wrote this, perhaps? Regardless, it doesn't really mesh with the rest of the piece, in my opinion. I would suggest rewriting that part, or possibly removing it altogether. Also, the language seems just a bit pedestrian in some places ("This is where the world truly is", for example). I'm not sure if that's intentional or not, but you might get a better flow just by changing around a few lines here and there.

Overall, though, I loved it. It's not easy to give readers that "a-ha moment", so to speak, but you pulled it off brilliantly, at least for me.


C4C? Mine's here, if you would be so kind.
kill all humans
#3
when i read it i picture the beginning of an epic movie or book.
i couldnt put a beat to it in my head.
but dont take this the wrong way because i did like it.
read it like 4 times so figure it would be rude not to leave my opinion lol