#1
I went to a summer program and met this amazing girl (cliche, huh?) Anyway, we hit it off and started going out. At the end of the program, she decided that we live too far away from each other and that we should call it quits. To make a long story short, we (I) never got a chance to talk it over and communication since then has been poor...I don't get text messages returned and so on. I really liked her, and it was a big loss for me, so to put my emotions to good use, I wrote a song (isn't that what all great musicians do?)

The title of it is "Dismay". I'd like people to review it and let me know what they think. Don't review my life, just the song. Thanks.


That summer really was a guess
I got screwed up in a total mess
Wish we never had to say goodbye
I'd like to say we'd have another try

Walking in the street at night
Nothing'd ever felt so right
Sitting with you by my side
Didn't know that soon our love would die


I can't love you
if you won't let me
Can't see you,
'cause you're so far away
I can't hold you
even though I want to
All I know is that I'm in dismay


Gazing at your innocence
I'd die for another kiss
You know you took my breath away
With you, I'd forever stay

Now you're gone, but it's alright
At least we didn't have a fight
I'm not sure exactly what I should do
But I know, I still love you


I can't love you
if you won't let me
Can't see you,
'cause you're so far away
I can't hold you
even though I want to
All I know is that I'm in dismay


I can't love you
if you won't let me
Can't see you,
'cause you're so far away
I can't hold you
even though I want to
All I know is that I'm in dismay





Let me know what you think. Thanks.
#2
Cool story bro. No just kidding. But seriously man, it sucks but if she doesnt want to do it it aint gonna work. And she might think you are a creeper cause you keep texting her.

Anyway, onto the song. Its nice. I like it. But (oh no!!) i dont really like the first paragraph thingie. I mean, its nicely written but it kind of gives it all away and closes the song to interpretation. Cause most good songs are pretty open. Anyway, nice job, write some music to it and your a genius. Dont and your a whiney emo kid writing poetry on his arms (just kidding). Nicely done anyways.
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#3
Please read the forum rules, specifically regarding thread titles. I'm going to close this one, but once you've checked out the rules feel free to repost this properly.