#1
For the times where you wondered if what just happened really did indeed happen. To start....

The other day I was in the locker room of a local rec center, getting ready to go in the pool with a couple friends. I was pulling up my swim trunks when my friend yells, "Ahhh crap! My draw string broke!"

Then, out of nowhere, a gravely voice says "That ain't no draaaaaaw straang!"

We look back to find a fat 60 year-old man with an anchor tattooed on his bicep, an Austin Powers chest and an eye patch. He's standing right behind us.

He says, "That ain't no draaaaaaw straang! That's the straaang you use to tiee your dick with so you can fiiiiinnnd it!"

My friend was so scared he almost peed and meanwhile I'm rofling.

Then he grunts "HUH! And that's comin' from a man who has to squat to pee!!!!"

My friend runs out the door and I'm on the floor laughing uncontrollably. The man looks at me and says:

"Ha! Don't worry son, I don't act f***ed up! I jist am!!"
#2
did you guys shag?
Quote by jimmyled
You have a Badger Song avatar!!!!!

Quote by Oprah
VAJAYJAY


Monkey Ball Sack

#3
...

What the ****?

Anyway,

my football team just beat the no 6 high school in the state!

I still don't believe we did it.
Blindfolds aside I'd probably still close my eyes

And try to feel a trembling fetal life inside
that shotgun barrel that's about to make me bleed

Like an ulcer in the stomach of the beast


Quote by Aurex
your sarcasam amuses me


CSUSM
#5


I remember that story from the first time it was posted!


...Way to be original.
#57 in UG Top 100 2010!

I really ought to get my username changed...
#6
Quote by sneyob
...

What the ****?

Anyway,

my football team just beat the no 6 high school in the state!

I still don't believe we did it.


Nice! may I ask what state? My team is about to make the playoffs for the first time.
#7
Quote by sneyob
...

What the ****?

Anyway,

my football team just beat the no 6 high school in the state!

I still don't believe we did it.

Try beating our Don Bosco team here in NJ
#8
I got pulled over because the cop was tailgating me and i sped up and changed lanes?
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”

Oscar Wilde
#10
I want an eyepatch
I see myself as an intelligent, sensitive human, with the soul of a clown which forces me to blow it at the most important moments.
-Jim Morrison
#11
I was watching a plane fly in the sky one day. And it went behind a tree. And it never came out the other side.

This is like, the millionth time I've said that and STILL nobody can offer an explanation.
XIAOXI
#12
copypasta, done a long time ago..
Jackson DXMG -> Vai Morley Wah -> Korg Black Tuner -> (Need a delay) -> Maxon OD808 -> BBE Sonic Maximizer -> ISP Noisegate -> Mesa Boogie Mark IV
#13
Quote by ESPLTDV401DX
Metabolicmaggot trolled us for 37 pages and 2 different threads.

This
all I ever wanted was to pick apart the day
put the pieces back together my way
#15
Quote by Abunai X
I was watching a plane fly in the sky one day. And it went behind a tree. And it never came out the other side.

This is like, the millionth time I've said that and STILL nobody can offer an explanation.

It turned.
Quote by IRISH_PUNK13
The grandmother is having a baby with her grandson, so the grandson will be his own fathers father, the baby will be his own grandfather, and grandson, and the grandmother will be the mother, and great grandmother?

Quote by TheBurningFish
ಠ_ಠ
#17
I was once robbed at my local convenience store. He just held a black glock directly at my head and told he to empty all the money i had into a back pack he was carrying. I had never had a gun pointed at me before, and i can tell you the feeling is more terrifying then anything i have ever felt. All I could think about was the fact that he was stealing from a family owned business, MY family. As the man was leaving the store he turned his back to me for a split second. I grabbed for the double barreled shotgun we keep under the cabinet, i aimed it at his back and pulled the cold metal of the trigger and emptied both barrels into him. He bled out on the way to the hospital. I never go a day without thinking about that man.


That's all bullshit by the way. It's not even very well written.
Last edited by bendystraw at Sep 6, 2009,
#18
Quote by ESPLTDV401DX
Metabolicmaggot trolled us for 37 pages and 2 different threads.


you're kidding right?

*looks up thread*

THAT FREAKIN LIAR.
1. Open My Computer.
2. Open C:
3. Click on WINDOWS.
4. Open the folder "Media."
5. Click on the file "onestop."
6. Listen.
#19
in one of my old bands we were practicing our setlist which meant going from an original to covering face down by red jumpsuit... i forgot we were playing through and forgot to change my setup, then hear the drums come in... in 2 measures of drums i turned off my chorus, switched from clean to dirty on the amp, turned the amp off standby, turned my noisegate on, tuned from standard to drop D without an ear or tuner, just by feel, and hit the first huge chord just as i rolled up the volume and was perfectly in tune. i fell over laughing and everyone looked at me in a godlike fasion... i still dont believe it.
If you don't talk to your kids about GAS, who will?
#21
Quote by halfback_712
Nice! may I ask what state? My team is about to make the playoffs for the first time.


California.

And how long has your season been going?
Blindfolds aside I'd probably still close my eyes

And try to feel a trembling fetal life inside
that shotgun barrel that's about to make me bleed

Like an ulcer in the stomach of the beast


Quote by Aurex
your sarcasam amuses me


CSUSM
#22
Quote by Mockstairwell
you're kidding right?

*looks up thread*

THAT FREAKIN LIAR.

Yep I know its total BS
e-married to Jack (bladez)
#23
Quote by sneyob
California.

And how long has your season been going?


Were 2-0, so were heading into week 3
#24
Oh, alright. I'll play your game.

So I've had this girl friend (not girlfriend) since middle school (we're now in University) that I met at a summer camp and I've always had a thing for her, and I'm willing to bet that she's known the whole time, but I never acted on it or said anything about it because she lived out of state and had a long-term boyfriend back home. Anyway we were always cool with each other and we would chill out and make pervy jokes and get drunk and all those other things good friends do together.

A year ago we were getting together (along with a couple other friends from those summer camp days) to hang out like we do every year. We go to a mall, walk around talk a lot, watch a movie, go to a Sam Ash and try out some insanely-overpriced gear (almost all of us know how to play something, that's how we ended up being friends). Then half way through the day a few of them need to bail, leaving me, the girl friend, and another guy. The other guy decides that the day is pretty much over and bails as well. So that leaves me and her standing there. I ask if she wants to go home (someone else was gonna be her ride home to where she was staying because they lived closer, but because everyone bailed I ended up taking her), and she says no, calling the other guys jerks for just leaving like that when we only get the opportunity to hang out once or twice a year.

So we're there, a guy and a girl, alone in a mall, wondering what to do. I make a joke saying that it feels like a date and ask her if she wants to go for dinner and a movie (obviously thinking she wouldn't since we already saw a movie). She laughs and plays along. Go to dinner first, I treated her to an decent-quality steakhouse (no money ), then went to see Iron Man. Right near the beginning of the movie she raises the armrest between us and puts her head on my shoulder. She asks if I mind. I'm not stupid--I say it's fine. I consider putting my arm round her but I think that'd be to corny. I settle for another date joke. She laughs. Then around the part at the beginning of the movie where Tony Stark starts to do that reporter chick, (here's the part that actually related to the thread title) she says "Maybe it is a date."

Now, two things run through my mind. The first being What the hell? That's not like her. She's like the most loyal person I've ever met! The second was I'm gonna get laid!!! Since I am also an enormous pussy, I'm not sure how to react at this moment. I end up laughing like a dork. Aaaaaand then she kissed me. And for some stupid damn reason, that first thing that ran through my head overpowered the second thing and I tell her that, yes, even though I would very much like to continue, she has a boyfriend and I know that if it was me I'd be devastated if my girlfriend of 4 years cheated on me while she was out of state. She looks at me for a second with squinted eyes and suddenly smiles, saying "Good, I just wanted to make sure you weren't a dick before I broke up with [name removed because I don't know if they're on these forums :X] and started going out with you."

And from that moment forward I'm not really sure what happened. I know that we didn't start foolin' around because I made it clear that I absolutely hate the concept of cheating on someone. We finished watching the movie, I asked her over 9000 times if she was sure she wanted to leave her boyfriend and start dating me, we talked about how the different-state thing would work out, and then I took her home.

I remember going to bed that night wondering "Did that really just happen?" I mean, I had been trying to get in with her for a good few years and it felt like somehow it all worked out by accident. Two days later she's back home and she sends me a text saying Well, I'm yours now <3 . Then she tells me to grab a webcam (part of the long-distance thing we worked out) ASAP. I do, and the first thing she does when I open up the chat is RickRoll me. The second thing she does is Fresh Prince me (God, I love that woman).

So, yeah. We're going out now, she's living down here for the summer/fall, and we're working on both getting accepted to good Universities in Massachusetts. And most of the time I'm still like "Did that really ****ing happen?"

</blogpost>

tl;dr - female friend dumps her boyfriend for me virtually overnight. Dating for a year now. Still can't believe it happened. Also, aliens are real.
#25
I was in a concession stand and I was ordering a piece of pizza when this fat kid and his fatter dad come in. The guy I order the pizza from is like, thats gonna be 10 minutes and I say, what da fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck since I know the kid. The fat guy just starts laughing his ass off and using this as an opportunity to strike up a conversation with me.

Him : "You ever had that kroger pizza down the road?"
Me : "no"
Him(in loud half talking half laughing retardatone) : "IT AINT HAPPENIN HAHAHAHAH"
Me : "ya as I said, ive never had it"
Him : "I bought a pizza from there one time, got it home, and IT WAS ****! AHAHHA"
Me : "Bummer bro"

then I get my piece of pizza and am about to leave and he just starts up again about something to the guys working and me

Him : "You guys skaterfans?"
Us : "No not really, none of us skate"
Him : "I used to manage a bar, guess who i get to met" exactly like that lol
Us : "Who?"
Him : "Tony Cawks"

I return to the concession stand in like 15 minutes and say "DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?"
Goodness gracious me!
#26
It used to be that life was predictable. Plannable. Reasonable. I could go to sleep, and as my eyes closed I could smile in security, in certainty that the next day could be a normal, beautiful day. It was like this, this paradise, this utopian universe I lived in, for years and years. Most of my life. I could count on the small things, the bad things, good things, big things. All of them I knew, with an absolute certainty, I could completely and utterly count on.

But one day, I woke up, and I felt something. A presence. No, not a presence, a certain lack of presence, an absence. It felt like some strange after taste with a foreign food. I wasn't sure whether what I felt was good, or bad. It just felt horribly alien, horribly strange, and yet wonderful, like some dreadful acid trip. I squinted in my bed, staring up at the ceiling. All the colors seemed brighter, and the blacks richer. It was the most confusing experience I've ever had. It scared me. I was truly frightened. So naturally, I went into the Pit.

A few threads later, it really hit me. Out of the corner of my eye, something so awfully weird, so freakishly weird it felt like something Adam Jones had stuck into my mind. My eyes, twitching, pupils dilating and contracting to this alien sight presented for me, climbed my computer screen to the left. I saw the oh-so-familiar word: Kensai. It brought me security, but I felt that there was something wrong here. Something disturbing. And I saw it. Under his holy name, there was something. . . something alive, moving. A creature, some horribly inhuman creature spasming in his avatar box, back and forth, mocking and taunting me. No more Elmo. No, oh, no, this. . .thing was there. He had somehow made Elmo disappear completely. And he had taken Elmo's home. He was there, dancing, twisting around, doin' dat Funky Dance.

I stared. My mind was exploding, thousands of images, thoughts, strange emotions flooded my consciousness. I threw up a little in my mouth. So, I thought. This is how it feels to feel the world die.
The playground of the world
#27
to Eddie
In diesem Herz hab ich die Macht.

Gear:
Fender MIM HSS Strat (Wine Red)
VOX Valvetronix VT20+
Kay K390 Acoustic
#28
Eddie, I cba to read that whole thing, but it is undoubtedly win.

supposed
#31
Quote by zombies
Try beating our Don Bosco team here in NJ


Hey we're playing you guys next week! And this year we'll win .
#32
Nice one Eddie.

I got on to the pit, and the Anime and politics threads are closed. I thought to myself, "DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?!?"
I AM MASTER OF JIGGLYPUFF.

Current Gear:
Gibson Boneyard with Bigsby
Gibson 93' Explorer W/Nailbombs
G&L 93' Legacy W/Noiseless
Gibson 95' Doublecut W/Angus Bridge

Mesa Stiletto Trident
Bogner Shiva
Mesa 2x12 & 4x12 Cabs
Last edited by Butthead at Sep 7, 2009,
#33
Quote by Butthead
Nice one Eddie.

I got on to the pit, and the Anime and politics threads are closed. I thought to myself, "DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?!?"


Yeah dude, Dreadnoughts going crazy
The playground of the world