#1
[wit]. c4c. ots. etc.

breezeflowers
the words wallowed cheaply as
her breath became tangled in the callousness
of an early autumn breeze;
some carried by the whispery grey
of the dying day into the shaking clouds
and leafless trees. they sat as queens
in the brambles and disappearing gleams
of a summer coaxed from the hands of
schoolchildren as their smiles gave way
to boredom and late night misanthropy,
and i sat shell-shocked, with my eyes still and deep
as the water they'd claim to frame on better days.
my pupils swollen with the weight of her image
and though the sun may burn and scar
the scenes in which i'd put her,
her form will remain etched
across each simple flutter of my eyelashes
until the earth eats itself.
incandescent fingers glossed, and crossed, and locked
while a possible swan sings an eerie old song
and the patchwork of our palms grates and pulls
the seams to two tattered pieces.
"this is the first time i've loved you."
what a stupid thing to say.
there's no love in her heart tonight,
none at all.
#2
This is like a lifetime summed up eloquently into a sum of lines. Beautiful when read slowly. I really needed to read this thoroughly to enjoy it, many little things that add up
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#3
And here is the great return of all these wondorous and powerful intricacies and subtleties that have been absent from you more recent work. This piece illustrates everything I love about your writing. Sadiaa said it perfectly, you've created an entire lifetime in these very few lines.
#4
i really didn't like a lot of the imagery or descriptors.
i have feeling it'll be just me, but this did nothing for me.
sorry.
O! music: Click (Youtube)


^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.
#5
I somewhat agree with snowblind. I didn't like some of the imagery or descriptive terms you used.

However, the rhyming and flow were breathtakingly perfect and I really loved the poem even though I kept trying to hate it because of the imagery that I really wanted to annoy me. I couldn't hate it, I just couldn't
#6
i like how you worked in wesley snipes's fat ass

there were a lot of phrases that were really great but a couple times it felt a touch wordy. Not much but a little bit.

my pupils swollen with the weight of her image
and though the sun may burn and scar
the scenes in which i'd put her,
her form will remain etched
across each simple flutter of my eyelashes
until the earth eats itself.

"this is the first time i've loved you."
what a stupid thing to say.


yes yes yes. dig that.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me