#1
Waking up to something that is not me
there was a complication with your surgery

do you feel like a new man?
with that thing making choices in your head
With that thing pumping blood in your chest

the removal of the ticking in your head
and all the monsters from under your bed
are now in your head

drop the answer in your eye
it makes time tick faster by

cut the lines and die!

Take the knife from my hand
take the knife from my head
take the blood from my veins
take the choices i made
to the love that i gave
to the dead and the brave
take my lies to the grave

Cut me a little more
Just a little bit
Cut me a little more
just a little bit
Cut me a little more
just a little bit
CUT ME A LITTLE MORE!


Do you feel like a new man?
with the voices of hell in your head
Screaming obscenities at the dead

through the hole in your head
tied and raped on your bed
call for the dead

Cut me a little more
Just a little bit
Cut me a little more
just a little bit
Cut me a little more
just a little bit
CUT ME A LITTLE MORE!

Take me home
Take me home
Show me a home

Hold me close
warm my bones
Take me home
#2
****ING PWNAGE MAN!! that was sick. i can totally hear some clean guitar behind that. not like, screamed with metal and chords in super low drop tuning. clean guitar, standard turning. with like some minor stuff.
Quote by ghostnineone
i got my guitar caught in my ceiling fan today

guitars fine though
#3
Quote by DoZo is Dead
Waking up to something that is not me
there was a complication with your surgery
Started off strong, but the flow is off.

do you feel like a new man?
with that thing making choices in your head
With that thing pumping blood in your chest
Flows off here, too, but the lines are powerful and definitely pull you in.

the removal of the ticking in your head
and all the monsters from under your bed
are now in your head
You've used the word head three times in the last two stanzas. I likve the rhyme of head and bed here, but the other two uses of it could definitely be switched out...

drop the answer in your eye
it makes time tick faster by

cut the lines and die!
Liked this.

Take the knife from my hand
take the knife from my head
take the blood from my veins
take the choices i made
to the love that i gave
to the dead and the brave
take my lies to the grave
I'd make choices singular, makes the whole section flow a bit better. Might compromise your story, though... Another use of head that might be better served with another word, too. Also, using knife in the first two lines and then blood in the third is kind of awkward.

Cut me a little more
Just a little bit
Cut me a little more
just a little bit
Cut me a little more
just a little bit
CUT ME A LITTLE MORE!
Nothint to comment on here.

Do you feel like a new man?
with the voices of hell in your head
Screaming obscenities at the dead
If you rhymed the second two lines here, you might consider doing the same in that first "Do you feel like a new man" phrase too.

through the hole in your head
tied and raped on your bed
call for the dead
Break out of your rhyme scheme. You've used that exact rhyme before.

Cut me a little more
Just a little bit
Cut me a little more
just a little bit
Cut me a little more
just a little bit
CUT ME A LITTLE MORE!
Eh. Still no comment.

Take me home
Take me home
Show me a home

Hold me close
warm my bones
Take me home
Really liked the close.

Liked this a lot. Could use some work, but definitely has a lot of potential and tells a story that (while not being groundbreaking) really pulls you in.

C4C? There's a piece in my sig.