#1
Please understand
no **** it I don't care
you're broken in the strangest way
you haven't shed a tear
you're in such disrepair
I've never been that good with tools
but I'd like to mend you still


Please let me know
this silence burns like sunshine
but you already knew that
you know everything
except how to feel
I'll never sleep so soundly
'til you tell me this is real


Please fly away
no wait I didn't mean that
I'm broken in the strangest ways
I shed a single tear
then I shed a hundred
think what you may of this display
but don't tell me how to feel
'cause you could fix the both of us
if you only had the will
I want Super Saiyan abilities
#2
I really liked some parts, like the 'broken in the strangest ways' lines.
Though, some of the rhymes were a little forced, and didn't work for me.

I swear, if you fix this up, it would be a very nice piece.
i need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.
#3
huh. tht's pretty interesting. good job
METALLICA!!!
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Epiphone Les Paul
Epiphone Sunburst
Ibanez V70CENT
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Jim Dunlop, Dava, First Act Picks
#4
I like it. A lot...I think you could make it flow a little better...but over all this is a good piece.
Quote by dayzofdesire

Broken nose at a Skindred show and a chipped tooth at As I Lay Dying...



Quote by Capitalistklok

nice. and brutal.
#5
I thought that it was an interesting piece...I liked the rhyme scheme quite a bit actually, didn't think it seemed forced at all. Good work.