#1
(To readers: hurt my feelings, just rip this thing for me, if you would)


I almost died
I swear I cried
I hate that I cant believe myself

my jaw clenched
around lyrics lips tensed
you cant die on your birthday

I almost died
I almost cried
but who am i kidding

It rained, it poured
salt on chapped lips
and theres nothing i want more
and theres nothing i want more

than to rewrap my prescence
and return my hard got lessons
they are rusty

and I should have tetnus
but I am sorry-sad weakness
and theres nothing i want more
and theres nothing i want more
i need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.
#2
Quote by 12epi345
(To readers: hurt my feelings, just rip this thing for me, if you would)


I almost died
I swear I cried
I hate that I cant believe myself

my jaw clenched
around lyrics lips tensed
you cant die on your birthday

try "can't". punctuation matters

I almost died
I almost cried
but who am i kidding

It rained, it poured
salt on chapped lips
and theres nothing i want more
and theres nothing i want more

again, apostrophes please

than to rewrap my prescence
and return my hard got lessons
they are rusty

did you mean presence or prescience? either way it's spelled incorrectly.

and I should have tetnus
but I am sorry-sad weakness
and theres nothing i want more
and theres nothing i want more

there's is a contraction of there is. look it up



so it's a little vague and generic, but really this isn't that bad
I can hear it as a nice pop-punk song if it's meant as lyrics.

check mine out?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=21545793#post21545793
I want Super Saiyan abilities
#3
wow, as much as i appreciate the attempt at a grammar lesson, I know this stuff already. so please, keep it about the piece, or fuck off.

and its a poem.
i need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.
#5
I asked for the content to be RIPPED, not stupid inconsequential mistakes in spelling in grammar. I can figure those out for myself, that is not the point of this forum.
i need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.