#1
Update:

Now that I've had 24 hours to consider this lucidly, I figured I'd update it. Maybe it's better...maybe it's worse. This piece is my first attempt at extended metaphor as subsequent writing has employed symbolic imagery within literal content.

My eyes are bloodshot.
Jaw's tired because I yawn a lot.
My body needs for the refreshing release of sleep,
but my mind reminds me of the time I'm wasting wondering why it's wandering.
All while I fight with the pillows and wrestle the sheets as they rustle beneath me,
threatening to keep me defeated.
I turn
to find my girl's asleep, and it burdens me with envy
as I yearn for an escape from begin awake.
For the remainder of the time I'll watch moments encroach me on the clock
though I know they won't stop their approach until daylight
when I'm to be awake anyway.
Then this will all be over.
I'm beginning to think my situation bleak,
because lately I've been dreaming about sleep.


Original:

Wrote this between 3:30-5:30AM after my dog woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep for 2 hours...just before the alarm went off.

My eyes are bloodshot.
Jaw's sore cause I yawn a lot,
and I need for that refreshing release.
But at night I fight with my pillow
and wrestle the sheets as they rustle beneath me.
Tossing and turning,
I yearn for an escape from being awake.
I'm starting to feel that my situation's bleak
because lately I've been dreaming about sleep.
Last edited by denizenz at Sep 11, 2009,
#2
"dreaming about sleep" was the best part.

"tossing and turning" was the worst part.

This was alright, but didn't really affect me any way. I just read it and thought "k." there was nothing in it that made me sympathise with you.