#1
okay, i've got 3 songs that i want to make happen but i want some opinions to see wat the other rockers of UG.com think. please comment all three and leave any opinions or ideas that you have so that i may change it for the better. PLEASE NO "ITS TOO EMO" COMMENTS, im sick of getting that as a response, people use it as a derogitory term, I wright depressing songs to let others who are in certain situations feel less alone. and i kno there will be parts that dont rhyme, it is most likely because it is a death metal portion or such.

1)

Name: (undecided)
To: The mentally "insane"
Genre: Basic Metal

You think you can help, but all you do is cause pain
You isolate us with our own "kind"
And you truly think that we wont mind

These voices that i hear in my head tell to kill kill kill,
but does it mean i'll listen? NO

Behind these bars, we do sit,
Plotting our vengeance towards all of you
All you do is cause more rage
You see this girl? Tis her third time here

I see all these people that you "cure"
But they seem to get worse each time around
rip us of our purpose, it's lost here
You wonder why we die, could it be because you make it that way?
We all feel so alone without a purpose, without reason

Now here we are with power in our hands
Now we truly are insane
And the numbers grow to overtake
This fortress of isolation
The time is here, the time is now,
The time is ripe, I'LL MAKE THINGS RIGHT

[tempo changes to fast upbeat interlude]

Through skies black as night
Homicide within our sight
Waters rise up to our necks
Wings of black or wings of light

You want to see them burn bright,
But is it for the right?
Live or die, TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT

[solo]

Take my hand and you will see,
We will find our wings tonight
Fight a fight with all our might,
I wont let you die tonight.
Wings, I see them in our sight

[outro]


2)

Name: Upon My Shoulders (Within Black Waters)
To: Those who have been hurt by society and are about to give up
Genre: Death Metal/ Metalcore (trying to decide)

((this is only the second half of the song, i'm still trying to come up with the first half. got a suggestion? please leave it in your comment.))

*-sung in unison

*Black waters rising
They climb on my back
Take hold of advantage and rack me with pain

*Black waters rising
Breaths become hard to take
Is this really the end? The fear feels so fake

*Black waters rising
No more i care
All I had, pryed from my hands

*Black waters rising
Darkness fills my lungs
Now I drown, without a sound

It's now far too late
Lost all that I longed

Emotions now gone, nowhere around
Vision darkens with these black waters

Here at my end, I ask one more thing
What did I do to not belong?

I did it for the love, yet recived only hate
Never sought for rewards, yet it's what they all thought

My question's been asked
I hear not a sound
Not an answer to be found
Now i drown


3)

This is a poem written by Vampire In The Knight from Gaia (note- i am not intensionally trying to spam, i promised her full lyrical credit and simply saying where you can find her if you want to leave any personal comments for her). I really liked it and asked her if i could use it for a song. i do not need comments for how to improve this, i personally think it's good enough as it is, but I would still like some feedback

Name: (idk)
Genre: Progressive (start accoustic, end with metal)

A boy and a girl the best of friends
from elementary to high school from beginning to end
through all those their friendship grew
they felt the same but neither new each waking moment since they met

they both loved each other from sunrise to sunset
he was all she had in her terrible life
he was the one who kept her from her knife
she was his angel and made him smile though life

through him curves she made it all worth while
then one day things went terribly wrong
the next few weeks were like a very sad song
he made her jealous on purpose he tried when a girl asked "Do you love me"?

on purpose he lied he played with jealousy like it was a game little
did he know things would never be the same
his plan was working but he had no clue
how wrong things would go how much damage he would do

[change from accoustic to metal]

one night she broke down feeling very alone
just her and her blade no one else home
she dialed his number he answered "Hello"
she told him she loved him and hung up the phone

[solo]

he raced to her house just a minute to late
found her laying in blood her heart had no rate
beside was a note in it her confession
her love for this boy her only obsession
as he read the note he knelt down and cried

she was found in his arms that night both of them died
under her note his handwriting said
"I loved her so she never knew all this time I loved her too"
Last edited by common_man_tk at Sep 11, 2009,