#1
no.5. Bulgaria.


Birds over the Balkans

A large, dark bird
circles the Balkan mountains below.
Vulture or Eagle,
who knows?
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#2
Wow you really like foreign countries, huh?

Anyways, I felt that the last two lines were too short.... So I'd prefer this:

A large, dark bird
circles the Balkan mountains below.
Vulture or Eagle, who knows?

Except that doesn't really work for me either. So IMO the best option would be

A large, dark bird
circles the Balkan mountains
below. Vulture or Eagle, (maybe put the vulture... on another line? IDK)
who knows?
#3
I thought this piece was able to pick up where "Border Crossing" left off. At the end of that poem, there was this eerie, sinister vibe that was almost too subtle to detect and now here, I think you augmented that same feeling. I loved the dichotomy of the eagle and vulture, with one symbolizing fortitude and strength and the other death and decay. The ambiguity you created left me with a feeling of uneasiness (which is most definitely a good thing), the same uneasy feeling that "Border Crossing" left me with.

I reread every poem in this series so far and each one has that subtle wickedness to it. I think the bread-and-butter of this series so far has been the almost indescribable tones you put on display. I have a hard-time articulating it but there is just a certain, unifying vibe that persists in every single of these poems. It's extremely enjoyable, especially when read in succession of one another.

If there's anything that I had trouble with, it would be the phrase "Balkan mountains below". You used this same phrase in the "Border Crossing" piece and I've just had a hard time visualizing how the mountains can be below if you are below the mountains. However, I think my confusion is just reflecting my shortcomings as a reader.

Great work, nonetheless. Can't wait to read the next one.
here, My Dear, here it is
#4
hmmm. idk if this has the effect a short piece like this should, i think 'who cares' would have been a better way to end this, but thats just me. i like it for what it is though.
#6
this was very zen. (I know it's not a haiku, but it still is zen )
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On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#7
rushmore: I cared

cheers blokes. I've either got a piece about clouds or a piece about yoghurt coming up, depending on whether or not I get yoghurt-related inspiration tonight. We may make it to Greece by tomorrow. I'd really like some yoghurt-related inspiration, though. Any UKers want to make me some kiselo mljako?
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#8
This links wonderfully with the preceding piece.

I totally agree with Subway, as well, that the series has a wickedness to it that reverberates between each piece. It's not quite refined enough to be brilliant, but it's certainly notable and admirable.

The way you've been able to evoke so much in this small piece is quite good, but this one had a more sing-song vibe to it, slightly akin to it's predecessor - which had a rap vibe to it - and that progression is well documented.

I get the impression, unfortunately, that because this had so little physical space in it, you tampered with it's construction, terminology, etc. until you found the most compliant layout, one that was perfect. But to me, it feels forced and overly created. Fluency was absent, in other words.

Still really nice.
#9
Cheers, but this isn't at all edited. Just exactly how it was scribbled in my writing book in a Bulgarian hotel before going out to have a look at the village and the mosque. I understand if it feels that way, though
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!