"Moonlight Rave" (under pressure) crit4crit

Song's on my profile.

The name comes from beethovens moonlight sonata, I took the melody from the first few bars of his song for the lead piamo melody. I worked for a really long time on this one. I can't do vocals, I'm well aware of that, but I wanted to put those words in the song, I thought they were pretty cool.

All/Any feedback is welcome and very appreciated.

Lyrics (or w/e you wanna call the poem thing)

Pressure rips off, a hummingbirds wings,
tears out it's heart, as it tries to sing.
Deepens it's peep, until it's a scream,
the same pressure, is killing...me