#1
Change
November is approaching
And with it comes winter
Old friends are forgetten
Our memories too old to remember

The sun hangs his head lower
As mother nature comes calling
And the crisp autumn leaves
Are all left to wither

The clouds let out a sigh
And guilty they should be
For while change is inevitable
It doesn't hurt to take things
one step at a time


I wrote this in about 10 minutes during class the other day and I just wanted to share it with you guys. It isn't perfect right now; there are a few lines that I don't really like myself. Any criticism will help.

Oh, and there is a meaning behind the lyrics, but I won't tell you guys what it is just yet. Instead I'd like to know what you think the meaning is.

And I'll crit for crit, just leave a link
#2
Quote by Ace1013
Change
November is approaching
And with it comes winter
This is true.
Old friends are forgetten
Our memories too old to remember
Sooper.

The sun hangs his head lower
As mother nature comes calling
I don't like this. Mother Nature is ALWAYS calling.
And the crisp autumn leaves
Are all left to wither
What about their falling?

The clouds let out a sigh
And guilty they should be
Don't you mean "and guilty they are"?
For while change is inevitable
It doesn't hurt to take things
one step at a time


I wrote this in about 10 minutes during class the other day and I just wanted to share it with you guys. It isn't perfect right now; there are a few lines that I don't really like myself. Any criticism will help.

Oh, and there is a meaning behind the lyrics, but I won't tell you guys what it is just yet. Instead I'd like to know what you think the meaning is.

And I'll crit for crit, just leave a link


Kinda seems like the end of summer and beginning of school. Y'know, you leave camp where all your new friends were, and then you have to go to ****ing school!

However, it's also like getting old. When you get older, you feel colder as a result of your weakened immune system and brittle bones. You lose touch with friends, some of them die, and forgetfulness and senility set it. Mother Nature is coming to claim what is rightfully hers, and to keep the circle of life going. So the old man hangs his head lower, because he's losing strength. And his bones and well-being are withering. And he suddenly dies.

This could also be all about death.

So... amirite?

Links in sig, bottom one pl0x
#3
You know mamosa, I've noticed that you tend to dig way too deep into my poems' meanings

The story behind this is that one of my good friends has decided that he's too cool to be seen with his old friends anymore. Instead he's basically forced himself into a new group of friends, and I'm a little pissed at him for just ditching us.

Anyways the poem's about how everything in the world changes eventually, whether you want it to or not. Autumn turns to Winter was basically what I was trying to get at in the first part of the piece. The line that goes, "Are all left to wither" refers to him just leaving us for dead. In the last few lines of the piece, I was basically trying to say that our circle of friends would eventually fall apart, but that I would have prefered if it all went slowly
#5
Poems don't always have to be about tragic love stories you know. Sometimes it's just simpler for me to write about something simple
#6
Quote by Ace1013
Poems don't always have to be about tragic love stories you know. Sometimes it's just simpler for me to write about something simple


Oh, for sure. But this piece seems too deep for that. Or maybe I just look too much. 'Cos I've been hurt
#7
I thought this was beautiful. The language is great and the theme is delivered well. The lines about friends in the first stanza point the reader in exactly the correct direction, in my opinion. It's easy to read this as a poem about the parting of friends, but is obviously relatable in other contexts as well.
#8
thanks for the input denizens, but is there anything you didn't like in the piece? Something that I could improve on in the future?

And would you like me to criticize one of your pieces?
#9
A creative writing assignment I had last year involved my teacher giving me the first line of a poem and we had to finish it. This is it:

October is the saddest month.
Nature starts to look bland.
The leaves start falling and it's
time to cut the crops. School
starts to set in and baseball ends.
The days get shorter while the
nights grow cold. Summer is now
a distant memory. The sharp
wind blows and death is in
the air. The trees die, the
flowers die, and our hope dies.
Spring is so far away. October
lasts an eternity.
#10
That was a nice poem, but why exactly did you post that?

Anyways, you've inspired me. From now on, whenever I don't have something to write about, I'm gonna go online, pick a random line, and get to work