#1
Alright, so my band is experiencing extreme tensions for the past year. We used to be really tight and now I just really dislike all the members of the band. The bassist left and we have a new one who I really like, but I don't like any of the other members. No one is as serious about the band as me and I'm just kinda fed up with it. The problem is, we play well together.

We just had a gig planned for about a month, I kept asking all the members whether they were free or not to play and for the last month they said they were. This was a big gig for us, the biggest we've played yet. One week before the gig the drummer tells me he forgot that he had a party on that night and can't go.

Granted, it was a really big party that he couldn't miss, but when I got mad at him and said that it's not right that he did that he just said "**** happens" and "stop bothering me, I'm not gonna take your crap".

I was furious that he was taking such a stuck up attitude so I said I was leaving. We got into a huge fight and although things have cooled down now, the drummer still won't admit to doing anything wrong, EVER.

He said that if we continue on with the band that no one should get mad at each other when they cancel a gig last minute because there's obviously a good reason. I'm fine with that, but the reason he canceled last minute was not because something came up, but because he forgot about something.

I'm also the only one who tries to make rehearsal plans. There were at least 5 times this year where he said we could have a rehearsal so I canceled all my plans and then he just disappeared and we never rehearsed. I asked one time what time rehearsal was and he said "I'm seeing a movie I'll tell you when I'm done." We never rehearsed that day.

The other members are less rude, but still I don't enjoy playing with them, but I think we make good music. Also the drummers dad is a record producer :-/.

So what do you guys think I should do?
#2
New drummer.
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#3
It sounds to me like every problem your having is based entirely around your drummer. My band had a similar situation this summer, actually. My singer wasn't showing up to practices, wasn't rehearsing with us, and he gave us horrible excuses like parties and other stupid ****, so he got the boot. Couldn't you just talk to the rest of the dudes and get rid of the drummer? If that's not an option, then it sounds to me like you'd be better of somewhere else.
#4
It seems to me like you're the only one really interested in moving the band ahead to bigger things, and if you stick around with these guys, I don't think you're going to get very far with that. So I would suggest you leave, at least temporarily, if possible.

Of course, that's easy for me to say because I'm not in your position. But that's my opinion. No matter how well you play together, you can't be successful unless everyone does their part.
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#5
I mean honestly, I want out. I don't enjoy playing with them. Everytime I think of this band I get angry and depressed. I just don't know if there are any more musicians in the area that I can form the same type of band with. I want to make music my career, not as a rock musician, but as a classical composer so I tend to be more serious than other people, so maybe I'm expecting to much?

However I find this response after cancelling last minute because of something they forgot about unacceptable:


this all could have been avoided if you would stop being so selfish. try and see it from my point of view. I begged my parents to let me do this gig. you know i would do anything i can to benefit the band. I even went out and bought drum bags. why? because i care. instead of getting angry over the one gig i couldnt make, think about every single other gig we've had that i've worked my entire schedule around to practice for and eventually play. The band was my biggest commitment, and you have no appreciation of my services whatsoever. I contributed a lot to the band. why don't you think about that for a little bit?
by the way, the bags cost upwards of $300. so you wasted my money as well as my time.

The thing is it's true, the band was his biggest commitment, but how big of a commitment was it to him? That's what I'm not sure about. If I didn't push for rehearsals we'd never have had any. I had also been asking for him to get drum bags for over a year and every gig I had to arrange to share drums with another band for him.
Last edited by andyserkis at Sep 12, 2009,
#6
Ask yourself this, if ur band ever made it, would you be down for playing with these guys night after night for years...? no. well then quit. it will be hell if u dont even like ur bandmates
#7
Quote by CmsGuitar
Ask yourself this, if ur band ever made it, would you be down for playing with these guys night after night for years...? no. well then quit. it will be hell if u dont even like ur bandmates


If this band ever made it I'd be ok with playing with them for years because I'm dedicated to the music enough. I'd just try and blank them out.
#8
Quote by andyserkis
If this band ever made it I'd be ok with playing with them for years because I'm dedicated to the music enough. I'd just try and blank them out.


Are you kidding? If your band made it, this tension would get multiplied by 10! I promise.
#9
Quote by drewfromutah
Are you kidding? If your band made it, this tension would get multiplied by 10! I promise.

Indeed. The pressure would be on, because you'd have to not only be packed into a tour bus with them, you'd also have to write material, under the pressure that it has to be good to stay relevant, and to please your fans.
#10
Confront him and tell him how you feel.

lolz
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#11
Quote by andyserkis
He said that if we continue on with the band that no one should get mad at each other when they cancel a gig last minute because there's obviously a good reason. I'm fine with that, but the reason he canceled last minute was not because something came up, but because he forgot about something.


That's an extreme problem right there. There are never good reasons to cancel a gig at the last second, short of family tragedy/funeral/hospital stuff.

As others say, kick the drummer.
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#12
Wow. The drummer skipped a gig for a party. He's a ****ing tool. I'm sorry. Thats like the most bull**** excuse to skip a gig ever. Parties are a waste of time honestly- great if you dont have actual important crap to do. But wow. just wow
#14
I think you should leave. It's not worth it.
The first question I ask myself when something doesn't seem to be beautiful is why do I think it's not beautiful. And very shortly you discover that there is no reason.-John Cage
Last edited by StrokeMidnight at Sep 13, 2009,
#15
story of my life.

I was in a band and was the only dedicated member, the only reason I stayed was because:

a) I formed the band out of scratch
b) We just "clicked" and sounded great together

Needless to say, we did end up breaking up, it's just not worth it.

Talk to the bassist and see if he wants to start a new band.