#1


If I wrote you a song,
on how I was feelin'
It would be, mediocre at best
If I wrote you a song,
On how I was feelin'
It would go a little like this

I hate, being bored alone on Saturday Nights
I hate, all the stations that play that same old song
About that girl that left you a week ago
Because I've heard it all before, Heard it all before

If I wrote you a song,
on how I was feelin'
It would be, mediocre at best
If I wrote you a song,
On how I was feelin'
It would go a little like this

I hate, being bored alone on Saturday Nights
I hate, all the stations that play that same old song
About that girl that left you 3 weeks ago
Because I've seen it all before, Seen it all before

Don't Jump alone, i'm by your side
we'll dive right into the sky

If I wrote you a song,
on how I was feelin'
It would be mediocre at best
If I wrote you a song,
On how I was feelin'
It would go a little like this...


Basically it's a song about when you feel like you don't really belong with everyone else, and you come close to the edge, but realize it can never be that bad because you realize the people around you truly matter/care.

I know it sounds a little emo, but honestly I just sat down with an acoustic and wrote some lines. Very much a WIP in it's own right. Any feedback welcome


Four Year Strong Plays in D Standard. Not Drop D.
Quote by Ed Hunter

I just slapped the computer screen with my dick because of this thread.
#2
i liked the first part, but then you just repeated the same passages with a few changed words.

but overall, i liked it
Last edited by gnrsalvation at Sep 12, 2009,
#3
when i read the title the first thing i thought was, "this would be the worst possible song to sing to your kid on his/her birthday", but the song didn't really follow that...

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#4
Quote by SPBY
when i read the title the first thing i thought was, "this would be the worst possible song to sing to your kid on his/her birthday", but the song didn't really follow that...

Now that I think about it...I should save the title for a song like that.


Four Year Strong Plays in D Standard. Not Drop D.
Quote by Ed Hunter

I just slapped the computer screen with my dick because of this thread.
#5
I can very much see how this would be a song, I can imagine almost exactly what it would sound like in my head, which is both good and bad. It was a bit angsty and maybe a little cliche, but it was good. The chorus wasn't great, but it was solid. It all seemed to flow very nicely. As far as the writing goes, this is acceptable for lyrics.

I would prefer if you left out all the weird commas that show pauses and such when singing, it would make it much easier to read. If you must, substitute them with line breaks. It would just be much easier on someone reading this.

Overall, good work. If you ever get it recorded, PM me por favor and I'll give it a listen.



If you'd like, you could takea look at the piece linked in my sig. I know it's a bit long so if you don't have the time or inclination that's fine with me.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#6
To me it sounds kind of like pop-rock, that's atleast how i looked at it i don't know how it's supposed to be. I thought it was pretty good. If you were to change 1 thing, i'd suggest changing the last line of the chorus after singing it for the first time. Maybe instead of "It would go a little like this" you could say something like "I've gotta get this off of my chest" or something else for atleast one of the times you use that line. Just to add some variety, repitition is good but not too much. Maybe add a different verse or a bridge? Might help to change things a bit throughout the song. But whatever you feel will help it, do it. Thanks for taking a look at my piece by the way. Good luck
#7
Quote by muel333
To me it sounds kind of like pop-rock, that's atleast how i looked at it i don't know how it's supposed to be. I thought it was pretty good. If you were to change 1 thing, i'd suggest changing the last line of the chorus after singing it for the first time. Maybe instead of "It would go a little like this" you could say something like "I've gotta get this off of my chest" or something else for atleast one of the times you use that line. Just to add some variety, repitition is good but not too much. Maybe add a different verse or a bridge? Might help to change things a bit throughout the song. But whatever you feel will help it, do it. Thanks for taking a look at my piece by the way. Good luck

It is along the lines of pop-rock. I mean, its a guy and his acoustic guitar, interpret that how you will.

And yeah variety is lacking which is what i'm trying to polish up on this one.

Thanks for the crit.


Four Year Strong Plays in D Standard. Not Drop D.
Quote by Ed Hunter

I just slapped the computer screen with my dick because of this thread.