new song.
tell me what you think.

Verse 1
call the doctor,
tell him i'm okay,
cause i hear them saying,
that they want me to stay,
the pain,
is cutting me like knives,
laying awake with blood shot eyes,
i can see them,
(heading straight for me)

I'll make it,
I'm OK,
So save yourself the trouble.
i'll find out,
new ways to,
keep these secrets from you x2

Verse 2
you're an elegant crime,
waiting for the kind of virtue,
that will make you decide,
what you're gonna do,
do you sit and wait,
for the same bad news?
or continue on,
with nothing (else to lose?)


and i'll whisper,
"the sun will tear right through this cloudy,
day of yours,
isn't this exactly what you wished for?"

(so lay down),
close your eyes,
(until the sun comes out),
and later on.
(you can believe),
i did this for you.

Chorus till fade out.
Well, first things first, you don't need a comma at the end of the line. The way I think of it is, if you wrote out your lyrics like you would write a paper, you wouldn't want a comma every 5 words, so it just makes it kinda weird here.

Second, this piece was interesting and at the same time, not. I was interested to see where you were going, but the language you used wasn't really engaging or fresh (cutting like knives and bloodshot eyes are fairly overused images, kinda stale). I liked the line "you're an elegant crime", it was a neat combination of words to me. But that was really the only line that jumped out at me. The "nothing else to lose" bit is another one of those overused phrases, but sometimes it's just too hard to avoid those...

I suppose what I wish this piece had was a little bit more of a description or story to it. Granted, not all lyrics do, but I always enjoy lyrics with some semblance of a story behind it more than lyrics that don't have it. This wasn't bad, but it lacked the drive of a story or the punch of strong imagery, but it isn't a hopeless case for sure. If you edit it let me know and I'll try to help you out. Keep working at it.
C4C? Selfish Sacrifice in my sig?