#1
I guess I would call this a pop-punk record. I was inspired by Paramore for this record. I don't have drums in it yet because I feel as if I'd probably do it better ifI had someone playing it instead of me tabbing it out. The chords are pretty easy and the lead line took me about an hour or hour & a half to come up with. Let me know what you think i'm willing to comment on anyone's work. I'll probably put up an acoustic version soon. demo is in the attachment.

here's the revision. my computer is being stupid and won't open the attachment box so i have the download links. i added drums to it this time.

http://www.sendspace.com/file/zhdl06 gp4

http://www.sendspace.com/file/4x8kv5 gp5

http://www.sendspace.com/file/tix25r midi
Attachments:
greatness.gp5
talk to me
and i better not hear a word
do me baby
i better not feel it girl
i still got one bullet left in my nine
finna do a love crime
love crime
finna do a love crime

lovecrimes -- frank ocean

Tumblr
Last edited by Fearless(Times) at Sep 16, 2009,
#2
Needs melody. And the random jumps from clean to distorted were so unexpected they just threw it off. Also, do you drop-tune just for the hell of it? A drop tuning in this song is utterly pointless as nothing goes below the 2nd fret. And what was up with the random key change at 47? The key doesn't change

Sorry but this is just not good IMO
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December 14, 2017
#3
Quote by StewieSwan
Needs melody. And the random jumps from clean to distorted were so unexpected they just threw it off. Also, do you drop-tune just for the hell of it? A drop tuning in this song is utterly pointless as nothing goes below the 2nd fret. And what was up with the random key change at 47? The key doesn't change

Sorry but this is just not good IMO



i didn't even know there was a key change in there. and no i didn't just put the drop tuning in it for no reason i thought it sounded okay to me. but it's okay not everyone's gonna like. it's just a rough draft.
talk to me
and i better not hear a word
do me baby
i better not feel it girl
i still got one bullet left in my nine
finna do a love crime
love crime
finna do a love crime

lovecrimes -- frank ocean

Tumblr
#4
It was alright but gets very repetitive without a vocal melody.

Structure was fine but the chord progression was strange to my ears and sounded a bit off at times.

For the intro, it seemed like you were trying to create a calm atmosphere of some sort, not sure if you were going for that but if you were, it didn't really do much. I don't understand what you're going for here.

The song itself seemed like it was missing the energy of a typical pop-punk song, it's probably the lack of drums but I don't know, something seemed off, the song seemed to drag on instead of flow musically.

Like I said before, a vocal melody could really improve this song by so much because the song gets repetitive and the lead melody doesn't catch my attention, to me, it's just another layer in the song instead of an active "voice".

Can you please crit mine in return?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1200507
#5
The changes from clean to OD were very out of the blue...no build-ups or anything. The song felt like a otn of random riffs thrown together, tbh. I really don't like it at all :/
#7
Is there a way to put vocals in the song? I know I'm going to work on the rhythm more since it was just a template to write the lead. Any ways to add buildups? I'll try and add drums and herby i'll convert it to gp4 for you. I think I'm going to have to work on the rhythm alot then and just take the clean parts out I guess and add dynamics. Thanks everyone and Janette imma check yours out right now.
talk to me
and i better not hear a word
do me baby
i better not feel it girl
i still got one bullet left in my nine
finna do a love crime
love crime
finna do a love crime

lovecrimes -- frank ocean

Tumblr
#8
Definitely an improvement on the previous version!

Just a few things I didn't really get into

The drum beat: it doesn't really keep a consistent count of the song and there are some parts of it where it sounds like it's not joining with the song, it'd be better if you had the cymbal hit on every beat of the song and the snare on every 2nd and 4th beat instead of a rather random combo.

The lead line: It was about the same as the last version and seemed like another layer to the song, quite repetitive and doesn't really add much. IMO, you should try and give different rhythmic values to the notes and change it up a bit to make it seem like another voice is speaking.


I like that you didn't repeat the first 4 bars twice this time around, it works this time, perhaps you could have the drummer playing on the hi hats and making it sound more ambient while the bass plays a mellow line of some sort.


Well improved, keep it up!
#9
thanks Janette I'll work on fixing those today. I appericate the feedback.
talk to me
and i better not hear a word
do me baby
i better not feel it girl
i still got one bullet left in my nine
finna do a love crime
love crime
finna do a love crime

lovecrimes -- frank ocean

Tumblr
#11
I love the lead work in this, except for the part starting at 45; just didn't sound right to me. The drums need a little work though; the fills are cool, but I don't think this is the place for them. The bass and rhythm guitar weren't exciting, but they definitely kept a good rhythm, and didn't interfere with the lead, so they're good.