#1
must be in an emo band. c4c. ots. etc.

to live and die in verona
the lacquer of the spit shined smiles we gave to the handsome,
will soon cover our own intentions until the shine distracts
from all we'd prayed to save. you can't always love what you choose
and when the dots don't connect you self-destruct in sunday shoes,
head on your knees, crying in the pews, "god help me please,
i'm too porous to hold all this blood. won't you take it out?
won't you take me now? "

pale, pale, pale man.
what a plan, what plan.
you bleed on god's floor
and you spit in his kitchen?
put your feet on his couch
and hit on his women?
you fool. you coward.

home. for the first time in 2 years, 8 months, and 11 days,
my mother turns the corners of my bed. my brother puts
his hand upon my head, my father turns his bottles out,
sends the sweetness spiraling down to the bottom of the city,
and i dream and i dream, my body found a blank expression
and old depression on the blistered blankets of a
cheap motel and my words will reverberate off dirt-deafened
walls for the rest of eternity, mocking the ears that arrive but aren't listening,
"fuck god and grandnoise. my gestures reflect my dignity and poise,
show me heaven or the purity in dirt. i care not."

and my mother holds my arms, dresses my wounds,
though the subdued pulsation of my heart assures
that i will bleed and bleed, til i've filled up a lonesome motel bed.
#2
I floated around between liking this and not, but by the end I did enjoy it. It has your tone and spark, your feel, but it just doesn't grab as strong as it needed to. It's clumsy at times, too bland at others. The rhyming also works for and against this.
#5
damn. that was one hell of a read.
the tone was excellent, it really created a strong character out of (what I suppose to be) your narration. The middle stanza... I usually hate stuff like that. But that last line, man. I've never seen it being pulled off like that.

Look, I won't go into further analytical detail on why this is good poetry, but I can say this. Strongest read here since a month in my case. Thank you.
#6
Thank you for still posting.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#8
Congrats man. You're one of my favorite writers on here and this was one amazing piece
here, My Dear, here it is