#1
c4c

Darling I am soon to be an island
With all of the space between, you and me
Won't you sail your love across the sea
Won't you sail your love to me

I said I darling I am soon to be an island
So won't you lift up them pretty little eyelids
Won't you take that telescope and fill your heart all full of hope
Won't you sail your lovin' to me

Darling we are slowly separating
And I refuse to continue waiting
And every river leads to ocean so honey I am hoping
That the river sails you right on home to me

Oh darling, I believe a storm's a brewin'
But a shipwreck gives a feeling thats so soothin'
But baby I don't see no waves, so I will wait and hope and pray
That you will sail your vessel straight to me

Darling I am soon to be an island
With only castaways to hear my cryin'
And I'll become an urban tale, a story all the sailors tell
A story of the lonely life at sea

Yeah darling it appears I am an island
And now there ain't no use no more in tryin'
I've set myself away from you, now there is nothing you can do
To sail your loving all the way home to me
'Cause my home ain't where your love should be
#2
things i don't like about this piece:

cliche
the word "darling" and how much its used
lack of sensory detail

things i do like:

telescopes
waves
sailors


i just want to see more of that. and less of the "fill your heart all full of hope"
what comes up comes out