Page 1 of 5
#1
‘Your Arse Won’t be Safe in Prison’

The BBC has admitted it might have gone a step too far with its latest TV license advertising campaign in which it asks if you really want to be the bitch of a twenty stone serial killer with bad breath.

The public information film featuring the agonising cries of a man, filtering through the windows of a prison shower block, has the pay-off line ‘TV detector vans can quickly find you. But not as quick as a pack of sex-starved lifers’. It is part of series of hard hitting adverts aimed at the minority of viewers who do not buy a TV license. Others in the series feature a ‘license-cheat’ swinging from the gallows at Tyburn as the mob cheer and spit at the corpse, even though public executions were abolished hundreds of years ago.

And although it is virtually unheard of for people who do not pay their TV license to be sent to prison, the BBC has been keen to up the stakes in the battle against the so-called ‘license cheat-scum.’ We tried having Gloria Hunniford smiling and saying ‘Remember there are lots different ways to pay,’ explained the BBC Director General. ‘But our research showed that this was nowhere near as effective as having Terry Wogan saying, ‘Listen, do you really want to get bum-raped by a load of tattooed psychos from D wing?’

Ironically the advert prompted the governor of Wandsworth Prison to enquire whether he had ever got round to getting a license for the hundreds of televisions in his inmates’ cells. He is now serving a one-week sentence with Category A prisoners where his responsibilities include cleaning the shower and scrubbing the floor in the poorly supervised boiler room.

Stoopy de Gunt


http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2009/09/16/bbc-admits-going-too-far-with-tv-license-reminder-slogan-your-arse-wont-be-safe-in-prison-368/

The BBC are a joke, they bully people into paying tv licenses with empty threats. They have no jurisdiction, but they act like they're above the law.

On a none serious note though, this is hilarious
Last edited by david_safc at Sep 17, 2009,
#6
Quote by PeZ546


I remember always getting tons of warning letters from them whilst I was at uni. I didn't get in trouble once.

I'm heading up to Aberdeen university on Sunday, I expect to get one of their vicious letters every month too because I'm not giving them a penny.
#7
Can i realistically dodge paying the licence fee at my uni halls?

Is there some sort of loophole that i can take advantage of?

I understand that the BBC needs money to keep going, but when you consider that the licence fee is the same for a mansion of twenty bedrooms and thirty television sets as it is for one fresher in one small uni accommodation bedroom, it's utterly ridiculous and unfair.
Yes, I use a Squier bass.


Quote by ccam555
0/10.

- Looking to improve this somewhat.
#8
Quote by david_safc
‘Your Arse Won’t be Safe in Prison’


http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2009/09/16/bbc-admits-going-too-far-with-tv-license-reminder-slogan-your-arse-wont-be-safe-in-prison-368/

The BBC are a joke, they bully people into paying tv licenses with empty threats. They have no jurisdiction, but they act like they're above the law.


They're not empty threats and I'm not entirely sure that's a serious article. A brief check of the website's home page:

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/

is enough to convince me.

EDIT:

THE ADVERT ISN'T REAL AND THE ARTICLE ISN'T SERIOUS.

Although I'd like to congratulate the TS on spectacularly missing it and using it to fuel an idiotic anti-BBC rant.
Is it still a God Complex if I really am God?

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.
Oscar Wilde
Last edited by Meths at Sep 17, 2009,
#9
Quote by PeZ546


I remember always getting tons of warning letters from them whilst I was at uni. I didn't get in trouble once.


Ah... I won't bother getting one then

Although the uni say we have to get one because they put freeview on the uni intranet or something strange.

I'll just say I don't watch TV. I'd rather keep my £150 in my pocket... or at least spend it on something I want, like beer.

They're not empty threats and I'm not entirely sure that's a serious article. A brief check of the website's home page:

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/

is enough to convince me.

EDIT:

THE ADVERT ISN'T REAL AND THE ARTICLE ISN'T SERIOUS.

Although I'd like to congratulate the TS on spectacularly missing it and using it to fuel an idiotic anti-BBC rant.

Well, obviously it's not real... But it's a good opportunity to moan about having to pay £150...
#10
Quote by prt1990
Can i realistically dodge paying the licence fee at my uni halls?

Is there some sort of loophole that i can take advantage of?

I understand that the BBC needs money to keep going, but when you consider that the licence fee is the same for a mansion of twenty bedrooms and thirty television sets as it is for one fresher in one small uni accommodation bedroom, it's utterly ridiculous and unfair.

Yes, you would be extremely unlucky to get caught. Unless your university lets them into your room to check (then you're screwed if they find that the tv is tuned in), they can't do anything, they have no evidence. And until they find evidence that you are watching tv illegally, they can't do squat. And by the way, those vans that they say they have are a load of hogwash. They don't actually exist, and if they did, there would be no way for them to distinguish your room from the rest of the rooms in your halls of residence.

There is a loop hole though. You can watch tv as long as it's on something running on batteries, and it is covered under your parents license. So you can watch on a laptop fine. There's no way they can prove that it was plugged into the wall anyway.

All I'm going to do at uni is watch iplayer and 4oD on the internet. It's not live, therefore you don't need a license to watch them.
#11
So if I don't pay my TV license I may get some sort of action? I don't care if it's a 7 foot tall Samoan bodybuilder who calls himself 'Muffy'- I'm just so lonely...

*cancels TV license direct debit*
#12
They're not empty threats and I'm not entirely sure that's a serious article. A brief check of the website's home page:

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/

is enough to convince me.

EDIT:

THE ADVERT ISN'T REAL AND THE ARTICLE ISN'T SERIOUS.

Although I'd like to congratulate the TS on spectacularly missing it and using it to fuel an idiotic anti-BBC rant.

Obviously I still have more faith in humanity than you ... I simply assumed the TS knew this and was giving us all something to laugh at.
My Musical attempts

My youtube music channel

Quote by TOMMYB22
Dammit, beaten to it, and by someone with the same name

CURSE YOU TOMMYT!!!!!!!!!!!!


Quote by daeqwon10000
I hate tommyt and the high horse which he rides upon
#13
They're not empty threats and I'm not entirely sure that's a serious article. A brief check of the website's home page:

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/

is enough to convince me.

EDIT:

THE ADVERT ISN'T REAL AND THE ARTICLE ISN'T SERIOUS.

Although I'd like to congratulate the TS on spectacularly missing it and using it to fuel an idiotic anti-BBC rant.
It doesn't matter anyway, their adverts are literally just a step away from that. They're so aggressive and threatening about it.
#14
Quote by david_safc
Yes, you would be extremely unlucky to get caught. Unless your university lets them into your room to check (then you're screwed if they find that the tv is tuned in), they can't do anything, they have no evidence. And until they find evidence that you are watching tv illegally, they can't do squat.


Aye, they aren't allowed to search your room/house whatever apparently, so there isn't really any way of enforcing it.

Quote by david_safc
And by the way, those vans that they say they have are a load of hogwash. They don't actually exist, and if they did, there would be no way for them to distinguish your room from the rest of the rooms in your halls of residence.
.


I was wondering about that. If you've got 100 odd people in a block... how do they know who has and hasn't got a TV on
#15
Quote by david_safc
I'm heading up to Aberdeen university on Sunday, I expect to get one of their vicious letters every month too because I'm not giving them a penny.


You're almost certain to get one. It's funny because they get progressively angrier the longer you ignore them. The truly hilarious thing is they can't really tell whether you've got a telly or not, they just send them out regardless!
#16
Quote by urbanfox
Aye, they aren't allowed to search your room/house whatever apparently, so there isn't really any way of enforcing it.

Nope, they have to have a search warrant, which they don't get. If they come knocking round, you can tell them to **** off.

Quote by urbanfox
I was wondering about that. If you've got 100 odd people in a block... how do they know who has and hasn't got a TV on

They don't. All their adverts are just scaremongering bull**** to scare you into buying a license.
#19
We have to pay for the privilege of programmes on the BBC not being interrupted by adverts >_>
#20
Quote by Mutant Corn
What the heck is a TV license?

You have to pay just for owning a TV?


Yes, It's a tax.
My Musical attempts

My youtube music channel

Quote by TOMMYB22
Dammit, beaten to it, and by someone with the same name

CURSE YOU TOMMYT!!!!!!!!!!!!


Quote by daeqwon10000
I hate tommyt and the high horse which he rides upon
#21
They're not empty threats and I'm not entirely sure that's a serious article. A brief check of the website's home page:

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/

is enough to convince me.

EDIT:

THE ADVERT ISN'T REAL AND THE ARTICLE ISN'T SERIOUS.

Although I'd like to congratulate the TS on spectacularly missing it and using it to fuel an idiotic anti-BBC rant. haha

I've seen the add on tele, though. It's very funny.
#22
Quote by Mutant Corn
What the heck is a TV license?

You have to pay just for owning a TV?


Only if you use it for watching live television as it's being broadcasted. I didn't have to pay for a tv licence when I was at uni because I only used my TV for playing console games and DVDs- building had no aerial and I'd lost the remote so I couldn't tune the f*cker anwyays, so they didn't bother checking when I told them so on the phone.
#23
Quote by david_safc
It doesn't matter anyway, their adverts are literally just a step away from that. They're so aggressive and threatening about it.


http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/literally

Quote by Mutant Corn
What the heck is a TV license?

You have to pay just for owning a TV?


In the UK, to own a tv and use it to watch television (and not just for dvds/video games) you have to pay a yearly tv license that funds the BBC.
Is it still a God Complex if I really am God?

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.
Oscar Wilde
#25
Oh and by the way, here is proof that their threats are empty.

http://www.bbctvlicence.com/index.htm

This guy has been receiving the same warning letters for three years, threatening that they are sending a guy around to inspect his house. Also, note how they use made up names for the person who is supposedly writing the letter, as their signature changes drastically a number of times.
#26
Quote by david_safc
...your point is?


That you don't know the definition. I was providing one.

As an additional point, don't use words you don't understand.
Is it still a God Complex if I really am God?

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.
Oscar Wilde
#27
Quote by Meths
That you don't know the definition. I was providing one.

As an additional point, don't use words you don't understand.

I do know the definition, and I used it correctly in the sentence that was quoted, correct me if I'm wrong?

in effect; in substance; very nearly; virtually.
#28
They're not empty threats and I'm not entirely sure that's a serious article. A brief check of the website's home page:

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/

is enough to convince me.

EDIT:

THE ADVERT ISN'T REAL AND THE ARTICLE ISN'T SERIOUS.

Although I'd like to congratulate the TS on spectacularly missing it and using it to fuel an idiotic anti-BBC rant.

I was going to say that newsbiscuit is sort of like the British equivilent to the Onion...
"We must become members of a new race, overcoming petty prejudice, owing our ultimate allegiance not to nations, but to our fellow men within the human community."
- H.I.M Haile Selassie I
#29
Quote by david_safc
I do know the definition, and I used it correctly in the sentence that was quoted, correct me if I'm wrong?


...

I hate having to contradict dictionaries.

The word literally SHOULD only mean where something has actually happened. Like if you say "he's literally flying down the track", that means he's actually taken off and started flying, not just that he's going fast. It's not a just a word for emphasis, it has a specific meaning. I can only assume the dictionary's started defining it as people use it. My copy of the OED says "taking words in their usual sense without allegory or mysticism or metaphor". And it's right.

I probably should've checked the definition I provided first...
Is it still a God Complex if I really am God?

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.
Oscar Wilde
#30
Quote by Mutant Corn
What the heck is a TV license?

You have to pay just for owning a TV?

We have one in Ireland too. it allows for quality programming that isn't just market driven.
"Why should we subsidise intellectual curiosity?"
-Ronald Reagan

"Knowledge is in every country the surest basis of public happiness."
-George Washington
#31
Quote by Mutant Corn
What the heck is a TV license?

You have to pay just for owning a TV?


Worse we have to pay for the BBC to make Eastenders and Dancing with Moron Celebrities.

And they dont even have Neighbours anymore
#32
Quote by Deliriumbassist
Only if you use it for watching live television as it's being broadcasted. I didn't have to pay for a tv licence when I was at uni because I only used my TV for playing console games and DVDs- building had no aerial and I'd lost the remote so I couldn't tune the f*cker anwyays, so they didn't bother checking when I told them so on the phone.
It might be wrong here, but in Ireland, I think if you own a television simply for watching DVD's, you have to pay for it as well.
#33
Quote by Meths
...

I hate having to contradict dictionaries.

The word literally SHOULD only mean where something has actually happened. Like if you say "he's literally flying down the track", that means he's actually taken off and started flying, not just that he's going fast. It's not a just a word for emphasis, it has a specific meaning. I can only assume the dictionary's started defining it as people use it. My copy of the OED says "taking words in their usual sense without allegory or mysticism or metaphor". And it's right.

I probably should've checked the definition I provided first...

#35
Meh, the bbc has better programs than the others so I don't see the big deal paying it.
No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable


@gossage91
@overtimefitnessau
#36
^I'd pay the damn license fee just for the news. BBC news shits over all the corporate American crap and Murdoch's bullshit.

Quote by Lord-O-Donuts
£150 is ridiculous.

Over here a TV license is R312 per year (approximately £25.56)


Yeah but South Africa is a dump.
Is it still a God Complex if I really am God?

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.
Oscar Wilde
#37
Quote by jambi_mantra
Meh, the bbc has better programs than the others so I don't see the big deal paying it.

I rarely watch it though. I don't see why, for example, people who pay for cable and watch cable channels instead of BBC should have to fund the BBC. In fact, I do know why, it's because the BBC know that if they gave people a choice, not enough people would pay that price and they would go under.
#38
Quote by Meths
^I'd pay the damn license fee just for the news. BBC news shits over all the corporate American crap and Murdoch's bullshit.


Yeah but South Africa is a dump.

Touché.

#39
Quote by david_safc
I rarely watch it though. I don't see why, for example, people who pay for cable and watch cable channels instead of BBC should have to fund the BBC. In fact, I do know why, it's because the BBC know that if they gave people a choice, not enough people would pay that price and they would go under.


It's not actually the BBC's choice I don't think. Although obviously they do think and know that and are glad that the government isn't giving people the option.
Is it still a God Complex if I really am God?

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.
Oscar Wilde
#40
Quote by david_safc
I rarely watch it though. I don't see why, for example, people who pay for cable and watch cable channels instead of BBC should have to fund the BBC. In fact, I do know why, it's because the BBC know that if they gave people a choice, not enough people would pay that price and they would go under.



I don't really care tbh, I like the bbc, I'm happy paying it.
No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable


@gossage91
@overtimefitnessau
Page 1 of 5