#1
Just a little extra I've written up. Nothing completely serious yet, it just came to me.
Bonus points for guessing the one song referenced within!
C4C, as usual!

I shut the front door tonight,
She didn't feel the slightest breeze.
My face revelled in the moonlight,
Words smothering me like a disease.

I rolled down the window,
As the stars peered down me,
The splatter of her shadow,
Screamed like a howling banshee.

And every flower I can give you,
every love song I can write,
Could never quite get through
This lone and dire night.

This rain never seems to cease,
These tires never seem to stand still,
All I wanted is a feeling of peace,
But your lips are dressed to kill.

430 miles and 10 tanks of gas,
I've reached my place, safe and sound
Still, not a moment will pass
That I think of going the other way around.

And every flower I can give you,
every love song I can write,
Could never quite get through
This lone and dire night.

Distances ahead, across the universe,
Blink these lights, a shepherd's purse,
A destination that cannot be reached,
A boundary that cannot be breached,
And I wish nothing can change my world,
I've tried, and you threw it all away.

_______________________________________
ALTERNATE CHORUS:

It's as if everything I've done,
all the love I've given,
Cruelly and bitterly outdone,
As if all is gone, unforgiven.
DEAD. AIR. SPACE.

Fender American Strat/Tele->Vox V847 Wah->EH LPB-1->BK Butler Tube Driver->Big Muff Pi->MXR Carbon Copy->EH Small Clone->Vox AC30/Orange Tiny Terror/Blues Deluxe RI
Last edited by djszkoda at Sep 19, 2009,
#2
I liked it. I really liked some of the word choices that really paint a picture. I liked the last section the most personally. Good work man.
#3
430 miles and 10 tanks of gas? What are you riding, a lawnmower?

I will return and give you a better and full crit.
#4
I am a big fan of this
I liked your rhyme structure and and your song structure
I also like the idea of the song and the imagery that you use
I, though, have no idea about the reference

Good work dude
The times are changing