#1
I'm new to lyrics writing but I enjoy writing stories etc.

I'm open for critique tho!

Slowly marching in the streets
Just to show his needs
Don’t go in the way
Because he can persuade

The king of your destiny
Leads you into misery

When he draws his sword
He assembles the horde
They burn the gardens
To act as fuel for the wardens

The king of your destiny
Leads you into misery


Edit: I'm sure there is theory stuff that is wrong but english isn't my first language
Quote by TheChaz
I ran over two squirrels at once one time. They were chasing after each other in the street, and I swerved to avoid them, but ended up with one under each tire. Still my greatest driving accomplishment to date.

Quote by WantsLesPaul
Hitler could have been aborted
Last edited by Axeaman at Sep 19, 2009,
#2
Quote by Axeaman
I'm new to lyrics writing but I enjoy writing stories etc.

I'm open for critique tho!

Slowly marching in the streets
Just to show his needs
Don’t go in the way
Because he can persuade


The king of your destiny
Leads you into misery

When he draws his sword
He assembles the horde

They burn the gardens
To act as fuel for the wardens


The king of your destiny
Leads you into misery


Edit: I'm sure there is theory stuff that is wrong but english isn't my first language

I think you should change the red part to something like 'dont block his way, he will(or can) persuade.'
I would change the blue part to 'he draws his sword, to assemble the horde.'
I dont really understand the green part though.

Thanks for criting mine.
#3
Thanks. I threw in wardens because I didn't what else to put :-/

What about something like this:

When they burn the gardens
The plot hardens

or

If they burn the garden
The fight will harden
Quote by TheChaz
I ran over two squirrels at once one time. They were chasing after each other in the street, and I swerved to avoid them, but ended up with one under each tire. Still my greatest driving accomplishment to date.

Quote by WantsLesPaul
Hitler could have been aborted
#4
Quote by Axeaman
Thanks. I threw in wardens because I didn't what else to put :-/

What about something like this:

When they burn the gardens
The plot hardens

or

If they burn the garden
The fight will harden

i like the second one better