#1
I've been working on this entire song for a solid 48 hours.

It has lyrics in the lyric section, but I haven't gotten around to writing an actual melody.

To me, this song is possibly one of the best I've written.

The first part until the build up is pretty repetitive, but when the lyrics are going on it makes sense.

C4C!
My computer decided not to save my last version, so I unknowingly put up an earlier version of the song that I had.

Here's how it should be!
Attachments:
Rightfully So.gp5
GEAR
Epiphone SG-400
Marshall 1987 JCM-800 2210 100W

Proud Member of:
The SG Owners Unite
Marshall Amplification
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Last edited by Weeping_Demon7 at Sep 19, 2009,
#3
Dude this is a good piece of work.
Yet, I think it's a bit repetitive in the beginning cuz it's basically the same
melody with no special changing. maybe you should write some kind of lead acoustic
for the intro. It may change with vocals as well ..
For me, the best part was at bar 132 , which is basically what I just mentioned.
The Chorus works really well with the melody you've added - loved that part.
#4
it's incredibly repetitive. especially in the beginning, but also throughout the entire song. try to get some variations going on the riff that you have repeated like. three thousand times. make it feel like it's a new riff every time it repeats. that'll help a lot.

the chords and everything are all very basic. i'd like to see some more interesting chords in there. i mean, i know it's sort of the "acoustic ballad" style, but just because it's an acoustic ballad doesn't mean it has to have the same chord progressions as the majority of other acoustic ballads. it doesn't even have to be much. just one chord in one place that i haven't heard in a thousand other songs.

sorry if i seem harsh. i'm really not trying to be a dick. just trying to give constructive criticism. if you could check my shit out, it'd be much appreciated.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1203214

I just want to sleep forever.


#5
Some really nice bits. A bit repetitive (I know everyone's already said that) but I'm sure that'll be fixed by having a nice vocal melody. I know that it's GP5 so I'm sure that it'll sound a lot more "real" when you play it live, but some of the rhythms seem very robotic, like the chorus. Try spicing it up with some syncopation or something, but basically don't repeat that same ta-ta-te-ta-te rhythm for every single bar of the chorus.

Basically, just vary it up a little and IMO it'll sound great. Also, it's only an acoustic ballad, and adding complicated chords and progressions for the sake of having complicated chords and progressions is just a pointless exercise IMO - only do it if you want to go somewhere or achieve something by doing so.
#6
I appreciate all the comments, mates. The opening verse is supposed to be like that because of the lyrics that I'd put in there.
GEAR
Epiphone SG-400
Marshall 1987 JCM-800 2210 100W

Proud Member of:
The SG Owners Unite
Marshall Amplification
EHX Users Guild

The True Eccentric Tea Drinking Appreciation Preservation Society