#1
c4c

Hard rock song with a bit of Rise Against style punk thrown in. The way the guitar and singing works, there are no flow issues.


23,000 miles away
it's just another sunny day
without hearing anything
they don't know what's gone astray

(here are the tabs for this verse and the next:

D---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A------------------------------------------------------------------------111-----------
F-----------------------------------2-----------------------------------------4-2h4h2
C---22222-222--45----22222---5-44-----22222-222--45---------------------
G---------------------------------------------------------------------2-----------------
D----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Calamity, calloo callay
On such a pretty day
Nobody knows just what to say
They do not know what’s gone astray

Chorus
Had we lived our lives in fear
We would never be so near
Had we live our lives in shame
We would never be this way

It’s pretty odd that Ground Zero
Should be so ignored
I had quite expected
To rouse the rambling horde

Arguments and consequence
Know no bounds
Fear and shame
Brought here again
We will never be the same

Chorus
Had we lived our lives in fear
We would never be so near
Had we live our lives in shame
We would have lived our lives in vain

Do I need any more verses? I haven't decided on the tabs for the rest of the song, but the way I sing it, it fits.
Last edited by mamosa at Sep 19, 2009,
#2
I'd probably advise you to record a rough demo and show us that to listen, as lyrics can often have a very different impact when written down. some of my favorite songs have lyrics which are unassuming on paper/computer monitors.

from what I can see here, the parts I like are those with locational imagery such as the verses with 'sunny day' and 'ground zero' (although generally I prefer more vague metaphor-rich ways of discussing a topic, which can have multiple interpretations). I felt the chorus is weak, lyrically, and preachy too. But it might work differently in a song, who knows. It depends how you say it.
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#3
Quote by Laces Out Danny
I'd probably advise you to record a rough demo and show us that to listen, as lyrics can often have a very different impact when written down. some of my favorite songs have lyrics which are unassuming on paper/computer monitors.

from what I can see here, the parts I like are those with locational imagery such as the verses with 'sunny day' and 'ground zero' (although generally I prefer more vague metaphor-rich ways of discussing a topic, which can have multiple interpretations). I felt the chorus is weak, lyrically, and preachy too. But it might work differently in a song, who knows. It depends how you say it.


Not trying to make a brilliant song. I know the lyrics aren't the greatest, but the lyrics work with the tune I have in mind and it all works together, so the lyrics are good enough for me

Yes, I know they have very little poetic value.
#4
I'd like to hear the song when you record it
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#5
Don't know that I will
Got little to no money that I need to save, since I STILL can't buy a car (paying for college sucks gigantic amounts of dick, especially when you refuse to get student loans) and my camera is digital =/

I've been considering the Shure SM57. If you want, I can try to write up tabs, but I'm not really that good at it, and I'm sure the song won't be ridiculously special.
#6
Definitely record this. I really can't crit the actual words because you can't crit lyrics as just words. The most important factor is how well they go with the music and the emotion you put in when you sing them. So the actual words don't really matter that much.

Of course, if I did read this like it was poetry, I would tell you that the rhyme in the first two lines of the chorus is shit. It's up to you to make it sound good when you record it. I also don't like the repetition of "live our lives" in various places. Too much of that.

If you wanna hit up my sig, I will repay you heartily in some way that is yet to be decided.

(By the way, I don't know anything about writing lyrics, so if you chose to ignore everything I just said it would probably be a good move.)
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#7
Quote by Ganoosh
(By the way, I don't know anything about writing lyrics, so if you chose to ignore everything I just said it would probably be a good move.)




I'll try and see if I can. Unfortunately, I can't make a drum track and while my voice is pretty good, singing and playing at the same time is still something I'm working on.

I'll get to your sig.
#8
Quote by mamosa
Don't know that I will
Got little to no money that I need to save, since I STILL can't buy a car (paying for college sucks gigantic amounts of dick, especially when you refuse to get student loans) and my camera is digital =/

I've been considering the Shure SM57. If you want, I can try to write up tabs, but I'm not really that good at it, and I'm sure the song won't be ridiculously special.


I use a digital camera to record my stuff. Does it have a memory stick/usb cable? I import the video and then extract the sound using free programz.
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#9
Quote by Laces Out Danny
I use a digital camera to record my stuff. Does it have a memory stick/usb cable? I import the video and then extract the sound using free programz.


The sound quality isn't terrible, but it isn't good enough. Plus, my amp sucks enormous amounts of ass. I can't record with my terrible rig