#1
So Pit my birthday is on tuesday and i have a problem. I share my birthday with a friend from highschool who was killed in a car accident last year. His family is laying his ashes to rest on tuesday and i don't know if i should go.

I wasn't great friends with him but we did hang out every once in a while and had a few beer with him a week before the accident.

So far my last 3 birthdays have been horrid and i would like to actually enjoy my birthday this year as i am finally turning 20. I would feel like a dick if i don't go as his ashes are laid to rest but that is really going to make me sad.

What should i do Pit? risk being unhappy on my birthday again or make this birthday a decent one and not go?
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#2
you can go to his ash funeral and celebrate yours the next day. I hope you don't mind that though.
#3
Paying respects shouldn't take all day.

Go and pay respects. Then have a big party to cheer yourself up.

Or something along those lines.

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#5
You said you weren't close friends with him. Were your close friends close friends with him? If so, I would go, because what's a birthday if you have to spend it alone?
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#6
If you would feel bad not doing it, you obviously should.
Demolition hands.... Got 'em!
#7
Quote by itchy guitar
You said you weren't close friends with him. Were your close friends close friends with him? If so, I would go, because what's a birthday if you have to spend it alone?


I wasn't close with him, but alot of people i know were. See i don't know which is worse, spending a birthday alone or spending a birthday reminded of a friend who died.
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Last edited by davidson22 at Sep 20, 2009,
#8
if its in the afternoon and you feel like going will bring you down you can go in the morning and speak with his family and say you dont want to be sad on your birthday or something...Whatever you do, happybirthday and spent it well
#9
I'd go, for sure. Either have a party later or the next day, use it as a way to remind yourself of better things. I'm sure your friend wouldn't want you to spend your birthday unhappy, I think he'd want you to enjoy yourself and same to your other friends who knew him.

Hope that helps.
#10
You can always celebrate your birthday the next day. You may not really want to, but this service will only happen once and if you even knew the kid, you should go. I would go to worst enemies funeral out of respect. I'm sure the more people that are there, the better the parents will feel seeing that their son was cared about.

You will be having more birthdays, he won't.
Chinese Democracy is a great album, people need to get over Slash.

Proud fan of Pop, Rap, Rock, and Metal.
#11
Quote by merfsullivan
If you would feel bad not doing it, you obviously should.

I would be in a ****ty mood no matter what. If i go, im sad cuz he died and i dont get to drink or get high, its at 4pm and im not going stoned, drunk or hungover thats just rude. I cant stay up late drinking because i work in the morning. My time to party is all afternoon if i don't go. If i decide to go i could party monday night but mondays are ****ty party nights and its funner to make a day of it on your birthday
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#12
Quote by davidson22
I wasn't close with him, but alot of people i know were. See i don't know which is worse, spending a birthday alone or spending a birthday reminded of a friend who died.
Ugh. Small, selfish, unimaginative minds.

Let that day be for YOUR FRIEND. Attend. Pay your respects.

Schedule your party for the weekend.
It's isn't precisely on your birthday? Who really gives shit?
Weekends are better for parties anyway.


Win-win. Sorted.
Meadows
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#13
Quote by osXtiger
Paying respects shouldn't take all day.

Go and pay respects. Then have a big party to cheer yourself up.

Or something along those lines.

I agree. Taking the relatively selfish way out (just partying and ignoring your friend's memorial) will probably leave you unsatisfied and maybe even regretful. Attend, and have your party 'in memory' - that sort of thing really lifts the atmosphere of gatherings in the way that people are more mindful and grateful, and celebratory of life.

Just my thoughts anyway.
#14
Quote by maidenfan15
You can always celebrate your birthday the next day. You may not really want to, but this service will only happen once and if you even knew the kid, you should go. I would go to worst enemies funeral out of respect. I'm sure the more people that are there, the better the parents will feel seeing that their son was cared about.

You will be having more birthdays, he won't.


well put but i will answer with SYK's reply

Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
Ugh. Small, selfish, unimaginative minds.

Let that day be for YOUR FRIEND. Attend. Pay your respects.

Schedule your party for the weekend.
It's isn't precisely on your birthday? Who really gives shit?
Weekends are better for parties anyway.


Win-win. Sorted.


Partying ON my birthday would be a first this year. Since i have been allowed to drink/smoke weed/party i haven't been able to party on my birthday. I haven't enjoyed a birthday for a long time, 16th 17th 18th were absolutly brutal (long story). 19th i was pretty much alone, my dad and one friend came with me to have a beer and play some roulette at the casino. So the fact that i actually have the day off and friends around me for this birthday is something new. Hell my family isn't even around to celebrate this birthday. My parents shared a celebration between me and my sister in july which was painful (another long story)

My work and financial situation doesn't allow me to party on weekends (i work monday and wed-sun this week)

all in all i have one day and one day only and i need to decide how it should be spent

Quote by Le_Bunny
I agree. Taking the relatively selfish way out (just partying and ignoring your friend's memorial) will probably leave you unsatisfied and maybe even regretful. Attend, and have your party 'in memory' - that sort of thing really lifts the atmosphere of gatherings in the way that people are more mindful and grateful, and celebratory of life.

Just my thoughts anyway.


I will state again that its at 4pm and will take a few hours atleast and i work the next morning. Having my party as an "in memory" thing is a great idea just to painful for me. Call me selfish but i can't remember the last time my birthday was about "me" which gets depressing after so many years. I always share my birthday parties with other people yet i always come in second or get forgotten. One year friends threw a party for me and someone else and somehow they forgot my name on the cake...
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Last edited by davidson22 at Sep 20, 2009,
#15
i think you should go out of respect to him. also, it surely won't take all day. go and have fun after/before.
#16
Quote by davidson22
Partying ON my birthday would be a first this year. Since i have been allowed to drink/smoke weed/party i haven't been able to party on my birthday. I haven't enjoyed a birthday for a long time, 16th 17th 18th were absolutly brutal (long story). 19th i was pretty much alone, my dad and one friend came with me to have a beer and play some roulette at the casino. So the fact that i actually have the day off and friends around me for this birthday is something new. Hell my family isn't even around to celebrate this birthday. My parents shared a celebration between me and my sister in july which was painful (another long story)


Look man, it's your choice. Do what you want but expect everybody here to tell you to go because that's the right thing to do. I stand by what I said. You have maybe 50+ birthdays left. He has none.
Chinese Democracy is a great album, people need to get over Slash.

Proud fan of Pop, Rap, Rock, and Metal.
#17
Quote by maidenfan15
Look man, it's your choice. Do what you want but expect everybody here to tell you to go because that's the right thing to do. I stand by what I said. You have maybe 50+ birthdays left. He has none.


Ya i understand what you meen. Hell im expecting everyone to be telling me to go. I guess im just looking for the words i need to convince myself to go plus it makes me sad to think about and i have no one else to vent to so... im venting lol( that may sound stupid )
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Last edited by davidson22 at Sep 20, 2009,
#18
Quote by davidson22
all in all i have one day and one day only and i need to decide how it should be spent
Bullshit.
Quote by davidson22
My work and financial situation doesn't allow me to party on weekends (i work monday and wed-sun this week)
So do it a week later.

Or two weeks later.

Or whatever it takes.

Quote by davidson22
Partying ON my birthday would be a first this year. Since i have been allowed to drink/smoke weed/party i haven't been able to party on my birthday. I haven't enjoyed a birthday for a long time, 16th 17th 18th were absolutly brutal (long story). 19th i was pretty much alone, my dad and one friend came with me to have a beer and play some roulette at the casino. So the fact that i actually have the day off and friends around me for this birthday is something new. Hell my family isn't even around to celebrate this birthday. My parents shared a celebration between me and my sister in july which was painful (another long story)
There's always next year.

Quit being so self-centered.
Either show up for this guy's ceremony or don't. Choose.
If your absence shows your other friends what a selfish prick you are, so be it.
Meadows
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#19
Quote by davidson22
laid to rest


I was just listening to that

Just celebrate your birthday on a different day.
RIP Terje (Valfar) Bakken
#20
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
Bullshit.
So do it a week later.

Or two weeks later.

Or whatever it takes.

There's always next year.

Quit being so self-centered.
Either show up for this guy's ceremony or don't. Choose.
If your absence shows your other friends what a selfish prick you are, so be it.


what happened, you used to be a good guy and gave great advice. I leave UG for a year and now your just a dick lol I think the relationship thread is starting to give you a bit of a power trip on your advice giving skills.

I don't think partying two weeks later can even be considered a birthday party.

For the bold just a side note. This has nothing to do with my decision just a statement on your advice.
Since when can you predict the future. Im sure Kyle (the guy who died) thought the same thing at one time. Whats the point in always looking to the future for happiness when you can never predict what will happen. If you spend all your time looking to be happy later you will never be happy now.
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Post a naked picture of yourself with your guitar to join.
#21
Quote by davidson22
what happened, you used to be a good guy and gave great advice. I leave UG for a year and now your just a dick lol I think the relationship thread is starting to give you a bit of a power trip on your advice giving skills.


He's still giving great advice, it's just not what you want to hear. Deal with it.

I don't think partying two weeks later can even be considered a birthday party.

I don't think it's possible for you to make yourself look more selfish right now.

Since when can you predict the future. Im sure Kyle (the guy who died) thought the same thing at one time. Whats the point in always looking to the future for happiness when you can never predict what will happen. If you spend all your time looking to be happy later you will never be happy now.


You don't seem to get it. We're not talking about giving up your birthday party for a stupid reason, we're talking about somebody being laid to rest here. Get your head out of your ass.

You're making yourself look like an ass. To a semi-decent person, this decision would have been made in five seconds. How selfish can you possibly be? This kid is dead and will never celebrate another birthday again. This event will most likely be the last time his parents see any of his friends again.

But I must be crazy, shame on them for wanting people to come to their son's burial. I'm sure they didn't want to inconvenience you in any way. You should explain to them how stupid they're being. A funeral is one thing, but nothing should come in the way of somebody's birthday party.
Chinese Democracy is a great album, people need to get over Slash.

Proud fan of Pop, Rap, Rock, and Metal.
#22
Quote by davidson22
what happened, you used to be a good guy and gave great advice. I leave UG for a year and now your just a dick lol I think the relationship thread is starting to give you a bit of a power trip on your advice giving skills.

I don't think partying two weeks later can even be considered a birthday party.

For the bold just a side note. This has nothing to do with my decision just a statement on your advice.
Since when can you predict the future. Im sure Kyle (the guy who died) thought the same thing at one time. Whats the point in always looking to the future for happiness when you can never predict what will happen. If you spend all your time looking to be happy later you will never be happy now.

Well who are you to rock up and disagree with every response you've gotten without giving them a second thought, or yielding to any common sense. If you don't like our advice then don't take it, go ahead and dwell in your self-pity.
#23
Quote by davidson22
what happened, you used to be a good guy and gave great advice. I leave UG for a year and now your just a dick lol I think the relationship thread is starting to give you a bit of a power trip on your advice giving skills.
I've always been a dick. That hasn't changed.
I still give great advice. That hasn't changed either.

Quote by maidenfan15
This kid is dead and will never celebrate another birthday again. This event will most likely be the last time his parents see any of his friends again.
This ^

Quote by maidenfan15
To a semi-decent person, this decision would have been made in five seconds.
Bingo.

TS, you're nearly 20 years old. Stop acting like a baby and start acting like a man.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
Last edited by SomeoneYouKnew at Sep 20, 2009,
#24
Chinese Democracy is a great album, people need to get over Slash.

Proud fan of Pop, Rap, Rock, and Metal.
#25
Wwjd Xd
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#27
Quote by maidenfan15
I don't think it's possible for you to make yourself look more selfish right now.

You're making yourself look like an ass. To a semi-decent person, this decision would have been made in five seconds. How selfish can you possibly be? This kid is dead and will never celebrate another birthday again. This event will most likely be the last time his parents see any of his friends again.

But I must be crazy, shame on them for wanting people to come to their son's burial. I'm sure they didn't want to inconvenience you in any way. You should explain to them how stupid they're being. A funeral is one thing, but nothing should come in the way of somebody's birthday party.


1) How does it make me look selfish by saying partying for your birthday two weeks after it isn't really partying for your birthday? seems pretty simple, not rude or anything i just think its kinda stupid partying for your birthday two weeks after the fact, having absolutly nothing to do with this situation or any situation its just doesn't seem right to call it your birthday party that long after, just my opinion.

2) I wasn't good friends with the guy and he killed himself and almost 3 other people being an idiot and drinking and driving. Ya i can be a bit insensitive when it comes to drinking and driving.... for obvious reasons, it kills people.

3) There is very few people that i know that are going because most already went to his funeral in october last year. I don't think i have to worry about looking like an ass if i don't go since there are alot more people who were alot closer friends with him that aren't going. Now i know that is no reason to make my decision and how many people are going or not going won't change weither i do. Im just stating the facts

Quote by Le_Bunny
Well who are you to rock up and disagree with every response you've gotten without giving them a second thought, or yielding to any common sense. If you don't like our advice then don't take it, go ahead and dwell in your self-pity.


Well it looks like you missed one of my earlier posts lastnight. I was in a really ****ty mood and felt like bitching at everyone. my apologies

Quote by davidson22
Ya i understand what you meen. Hell im expecting everyone to be telling me to go. I guess im just looking for the words i need to convince myself to go plus it makes me sad to think about and i have no one else to vent to so... im venting lol( that may sound stupid )


I've always been a dick. That hasn't changed.
I still give great advice. That hasn't changed either.

Nah you've changed. I't doesn't matter that you don't agree with me, hell their are lots of times you haven't but the advice has helped lots. Though that was well over a year ago. Now you just leave me disapointed, you're getting to high on yourself hense the bold. I think its easier for someone who has been gone a while to notice a change rather then someone you talk to often. You weren't a dick before, just very stubborn. Now the power trip has turned you into a dick.

Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
This ^


His parents don't even know i exist, they just sent an invite to all his friends on facebook. I have never once even met them, couldn't even tell you their names.

Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
Bingo.


It's funny you both agree on that because for the last week or so when i have been asking who was going. Pretty much everyone didn't even remember it was going on and said they prob wouldn't go. I was the one who reminded people and got people wanting to go and they know him way better then i ever did. So quit trying to make me out to be such an ass. No one else had a reason not to go and they weren't going to, i have a reason and i still plan on going it just took me a while to suck it up

Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
TS, you're nearly 20 years old. Stop acting like a baby and start acting like a man.


So you will step off your high horse I AM GOING. I just don't appreciate being made out to be such an ass when you dont know the whole story. What made your advice great before was that you asked to know the whole story before jumping to conclusions... you stopped doing that for some reason
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Last edited by davidson22 at Sep 21, 2009,
#28
who says you can't do both
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