#1
hey, this is my latest song, its called fiona's song after a girl im crazy about, who is kind of amazing. i havent got a copy of jsut the lyrics so ill just post the whole song chords and lyrics

Fiona’s Song

Verse 1
C
You’re my black rose
Fm7
Dark and mysterious
C
But your beauty shows
Fm7
It makes me delirious
C
Your pretty as the flower
Fm7
And sharp as the thorn
C
But I know that inside
Fm7
You are torn


Pre-chorus
F
Because I see you
G
Everywhere I go
C
I want to be with you
Am
And let you know


Chorus
C
That you’re the beauty I see
Fm7
When I close my eyes
C
And you’re with me in my dreams
Fm7
Every night.
F
Because I can see you
G
When your out of sight
C
Because your always with me
Am
Your on my mind.


Verse 2
C
And im sick of lying here
Fm7
All alone
C
It feels like im dying here
Fm7
In this empty home
C
I wish you’d come over
Fm7
And we could talk for a while
C
Sit and chat in the
Fm7
moonlight


Chorus
C
Cos you’re the beauty I see
Fm7
When I close my eyes
C
And you’re with me in my dreams
Fm7
Every night.
F
Because I can see you
G
When you’re out of sight
C
Because you’re always with me
Am
You’re on my mind.


Verse 3
C
Why don’t you come out
Fm7
Stop hiding away
C
Let your guard down
Fm7
Let me show you the way
C
Cos we can be happy
Fm7
Together
C
And I promise you
Fm7
Ill never let you get hurt


Pre-chorus
F
Because I see you
G
Everywhere I go
C
I want to be with you
Am
And let you know

Chorus
C
That you’re the beauty I see
Fm7
When I close my eyes
C
And you’re with me in my dreams
Fm7
Every night.
F
Because I can see you
G
When you’re out of sight
C
Because you’re always with me
Am
You’re always on my mind.

Verse 4
(play each chord once)
C
Cos you’re my black rose
Fm7
Dark and mysterious
C
But your beauty shows
Fm7
And it makes me delirious
C
and ill always love you
Fm7
Every day I live
C
If you could call it living
Fm7
Without you.


CRIT is welcome, id rather be told its bad and how to improve it, than be told its fine when it could be alot better.
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
#2
Yo. I love the chorus and the second verse man, probably lyrics anyone in your situation could relate too. The rest seems a little too much inside your head, so I can't quite relate. But maybe other people can I dunno haha. hope that makes sense man.
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#3
Quote by bananahammock
hey, this is my latest song, its called fiona's song after a girl im crazy about, who is kind of amazing. i havent got a copy of jsut the lyrics so ill just post the whole song chords and lyrics

Fiona’s Song

Verse 1
You’re my black rose
Dark and mysterious
But your beauty shows
It makes me delirious
Your pretty as the flower
And sharp as the thorn
But I know that inside
You are torn
The cliche of comparing the girl to a flower is done a lot, not usually to a black rose though. I applaud the fact that you went with a different method, but I don't like the description you used. It's a bit too basic.


Pre-chorus
Because I see you
Everywhere I go
I want to be with you
And let you know
It's simple, it's a bit generic, but I like it here.


Chorus
That you’re the beauty I see
When I close my eyes
And you’re with me in my dreams
Every night.
Because I can see you
When your out of sight
Because your always with me
Your on my mind.
I like it up until the last two lines. They feel out of place to me and that they mess up the flow of the chorus, which is otherwise good.


Verse 2
And im sick of lying here
All alone
It feels like im dying here
In this empty home
I wish you’d come over
And we could talk for a while
Sit and chat in the
moonlight
I like this verse and it's probably my favorite except for the last two lines.


Chorus
Cos you’re the beauty I see
When I close my eyes
And you’re with me in my dreams
Every night.
Because I can see you
When you’re out of sight
Because you’re always with me
You’re on my mind.


Verse 3
Why don’t you come out
Stop hiding away
Let your guard down
Let me show you the way
Cos we can be happy
Together
And I promise you
Ill never let you get hurt
I don't know what it is about it but I don't like the wording of this entire verse. I feel that it's very genuine but the words don't do the point justice.


Pre-chorus
Because I see you
Everywhere I go
I want to be with you
And let you know

Chorus
That you’re the beauty I see
When I close my eyes
And you’re with me in my dreams
Every night.
Because I can see you
When you’re out of sight
Because you’re always with me
You’re always on my mind.

Verse 4
Cos you’re my black rose
Dark and mysterious
But your beauty shows
And it makes me delirious
and ill always love you
Every day I live
If you could call it living
Without you.
This is a very good way to end the piece. I like the final two lines and I feel as if the ending of the other verses were more like this in meaning then this would be a LOT better of a piece.

CRIT is welcome, id rather be told its bad and how to improve it, than be told its fine when it could be alot better.


All in all it's a good song due to the fact that I can tell you wrote it with one person in mind and you mean every word of it even without your little intro you gave us on her. Work on your descriptions and your vocabulary a bit and this can be an amazing and very heartfelt piece.

Crit?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1167055
Last edited by lespaulsg09 at Sep 21, 2009,