#1
That fearful sloshing sound like
a plump woman's pink host cushioning
a pair of new eyes; monologues sleeping
along the tongue and out through the ears.

A faint sucking of a bud stuck on the stump
lodged in my throat, the parasite growing
and germinating as a flower does - from a
rough cut the red breathes fully out.

And only if melee could understand when the
point of two blades pain without a budge;
and the freedom gives room to that little bud,
that sucks, and lives, and grows in adoration.
#2
from a rough cut the red breathes fully out.


I loved that line. I think it captured the feeling of the entire piece in that one little collection of words. Some of the imagery through the rest of this was a bit too ambiguous for my taste, but still very pretty to read.
#3
I really like that second stanza. The rest of it is beautifully written as well and is a great read. I enjoyed it, but as it is fairly ambiguous, it's hard for me to fully connect to it. I do the same thing however.

Here's one I've been working on, I've got a rewrite I might post soon that has a couple extra stanzas. Let me know what you think: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1203843
#4
You are one of three writers I look to for inspiration on UG. Because I know it's right. I know you write right.

I think it's still a bit much, though--as a whole. It becomes almost like a tongue-twister. It's elegant and really unique, but irritating at the same time.

<3