#1
This is a short poem that I just finished up. I may turn it into a full song, or I may just leave it as is. There's really no rhyme scheme to it, except for the final lines of each verse.


I love to let my mind wander.
It's been keeping me happy.
A ghost sits beside me now.
She's taken your form.
She can read my mind.

I love making myself sad
when I've had a good day.
It's a moment that let's me know
there's still something here.
Something for me to find.

I love striking notes on a string
and feeling it resonate.
Soul bleeding through my fingers
but it doesn't sting.
I love this world of mine.


Tell me what you think. If you crit mine, I'll crit yours, or "c4c" as the kids are calling it these days.
#2
I feel you could have ended the last stanza more strongly considering the power of it. Or you could have distanced the last phrase from that stanza.

The isolation is great you could have emphasised that a lot more. The strings resonating etc.

The last two lines of the first stanza I don't really like.

Other then that it's pretty good, i'd add more to it and expand on more ideas. It's a good start.

If you could crit the link in my sig that'd be great!