#1
You put your arms round my neck
As I read Zach's Wine Glass Religion
"Do you feel me?"
And it takes me 10 seconds
To comprehend your question
And while you're filling with tension
I feel you

I'll ignore you forever
But keep you in sight with my preriffiral vision
"Appreciate me"
And while you're roasted dinner is a little dry
I'm grateful

As you walk out the door, I realise
I never bought my own pillows
Accept my apology
"He raped me and you hated me"
Pleading, accept my apology

Give me your rational expectancy

Flash.

Give me your traumatic memory

Flash.

Give me your forgiveness

...


c4c


Quote by Våd Hamster
Find a dice and assign a number to each girl. Throw the dice.


The number you hope for at the moment you throw the dice, is the one you'll want to keep.
#2
And while your roasted dinner is a little dry?...
I never bought my own pillows?...
He raped me and you hated me???...........
.....

Awesome choice of lyrics breh
#3
Sarcasm?


Quote by Våd Hamster
Find a dice and assign a number to each girl. Throw the dice.


The number you hope for at the moment you throw the dice, is the one you'll want to keep.
#4
I'm trying to find something considerably "wrong" with this. But I don't think there is.

But in terms of what is my opinion, I don't like the distance this has between thoughts and ideas. It never feels entirely joined enough for me to really dig into it and thoroughly enjoy it.
The interruptions in pace, for instance, are brought about by the quotation marks and the line-breaks/blanks. Some may find them endearing, but I'm partial to something that's more alloyed and meshed in one big group. Less paragraphs, kinda thing.

But that's a minor quibble. My biggest, and only real, qualm I have with this, is the ending. Those five lines don't really do anything for me. I can feel there is some sort of sexual danger being evoked. But if that is the case, I'm not keen on the way that is displayed.

This was really quite a nice read, though. With a slight touch of devilishenss.