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#1
Ok i'm a guy and i'm putting together a band. This girl i like is really interested (she plays bass and drums, which are the two instruments i am missing). I want her in the band, but will problems arise from getting involved with band members?
#2
You can either ask her out or ask her to join the band, if you do both and either doesn't work out, it will probably not be good depending on her personality and your relationship.

Origionaly Posted by CTFOD
Origionaly Posted by hownowbrowncow:
Get a new bicycle
Then you can ride it with no handlebars.

No handlebars.

No handlebars...
#3
most likely.
keep pu$$y and bands (or business for that matter) seperate.
It never ends well.
#4
You two could still be in a relationship and a band at the same time. You just have to be mature enough to focus on the band when it's practice/performance/etc time, and then be a couple when the band isn't relevant at the time.

It's not going to work well if you have feelings for her and she joins the band, but you two never really 'hit it off' (as in, she doesn't know you like her). It's going to probably make you a bit nervous around her, which will affect both your performance and confidence in bringing forth any material to the group, or it will make you want to accept everything she brings forth without question. The primary problem with dating within a band is that those two people often form a 'team' within a band, which leads to fights and generally the band, well, disbanding.

Be mature about the situation, or it'll fall apart.
When you saw me sleeping
thought I was dreaming
of you...


I didn't tell you
That the only dream
Is Valium for me
#5
yeah i'm pretty sure she likes me back, and i'm fully confident around her (and vice-versa). i would get someone else but my problem is that there are NO drummers in my town, she's the only one. she's really commited and wants to join badly, plus she's one of the only people at school who shares my musical taste.
#6
Then it sounds like it should work out perfectly. Just make sure that you two don't go and fuck around when you should be practicing and working as a band. Do that on your own time. It's really, really annoying to be in a band with people like that in it.
When you saw me sleeping
thought I was dreaming
of you...


I didn't tell you
That the only dream
Is Valium for me
#7
Quote by caleb69
yeah i'm pretty sure she likes me back, and i'm fully confident around her (and vice-versa). i would get someone else but my problem is that there are NO drummers in my town, she's the only one. she's really commited and wants to join badly, plus she's one of the only people at school who shares my musical taste.



Ooh, drummer girls =
Quote by jimmy hendrix 2
Don't argue with my new deity.
#9
Dude, get her to join the band. Rock out. Get to know each other well. If she likes you too, great. If not, **** it man, you only live once, move on and keep on rocking
#10
But what happens if we go out, then break up, then she leaves the band and, once again i'm stuck with no drummer?
#11
Quote by Vikingx
most likely.
keep pu$$y and bands (or business for that matter) seperate.
It never ends well.


wow man, thanks for your glowing emotional insight
#12
Quote by caleb69
But what happens if we go out, then break up, then she leaves the band and, once again i'm stuck with no drummer?

As I've said a couple times now, KEEP THE BAND AND YOUR PERSONAL RELATIONS SEPARATE.

You two splitting up personally doesn't mean you can't retain a friendship, and more importantly continue to be band mates. Have you ever heard of the White Stripes?
When you saw me sleeping
thought I was dreaming
of you...


I didn't tell you
That the only dream
Is Valium for me
#13
Quote by Td_Nights
As I've said a couple times now, KEEP THE BAND AND YOUR PERSONAL RELATIONS SEPARATE.

You two splitting up personally doesn't mean you can't retain a friendship, and more importantly continue to be band mates. Have you ever heard of the White Stripes?


k i'll keep that in mind, thanks to y'all for the tips (except Vikingx)
#14
Well, what would you rather have? A girlfriend who you probably wont have forever, or a drummer who you probably wont have forever. I mean you coul try both, but personally, depending on the other members of the band, they might try getting with her so this could be really bad if your the jealous type. Also, things could get REALLY stressful for you guys, you have to remember that girls are much more emotional than guys, so you may do something music related and she might get mad, then you guys are hanging out as a couple the next day and shes still mad, and vice-versa.
[img]http://cdn.gs.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/v.gif[/img]
#16
If your fear is that "problems will arise from getting involved with band members", you can't really ask anyone to join your band, as there is always the risk that your drummer and bassist will suddenly turn gay and fall in love with each other. There is no more chance of having a falling-out with a girlfriend than there is with any other friends. Bands break up because of conflicts between members all the time, and I don't see why conflicts within a romantic relationship should be seen under a different light than other kinds of fights.

Human beings are human beings. If she plays the bass, is interested, and has the skill to play with you, then the discussion should end there.
#19
so obviously things won't be TOO serious, girlfriend wise, but i have grand musical aspirations. plus she's a great drummer
Last edited by caleb69 at Sep 26, 2009,
#20
It is what you make it. Plenty of bands like manage with couples in them like Yo La Tengo for example. If anything the relationship pulls that band closer. They are 12 albums deep! Just make sure that you maintain a good level of respect for her throughout your relationships as lovers and as band members. Like The white stripes. Even though they divorced they still are good friends and a great band
#22
**UPDATE**
I am going out with her now, she's great. I've found another drummer, but she wants to stay on as bass player, which she is also great at.
#24
Cool. Update this thread again when the problems start arising.
And no, Guitar Hero will not help. Even on expert. Really.
Soundcloud
#25
Quote by ChucklesMginty
Start the next white stripes.

But you will have to marry her.

and pretend to be her sister.

I reckon it's an awesome idea. The more you guys get along and know each other, the less band disputes you'll have. The less you'll WANT to have them, the more you'll want to get over them.

I think it's a great idea. I reckon she'll keep her boobs to herself during band and just keep it professional, if she's as keen as you say she is.

Go for it.
#28
why are you checking with us if it's cool?

check with everyone else in the band. They're the ones effected by your awkward relationship being in their faces.

I don't talk to the girls I was with when I was 15, but I still jam with the band I was in when I was 15.

just sayin.
#29
i'd say, don't do it.. But alright, i'm a slighty sexist arsehole. So based on everybody's reality and not just mine, i'd say.. it depends.. If you "like" her, then don't, because if shes going to start dating you, or anyone else within the band, it's going to be bad.

Trust me on that, always the big break-up thing, and "uh, i'm with the bassist now", or just simply arguing so that things don't work.. Same thing they say about married people shouldnt work together. Same goes here.

If that is not the case, then it could probably work.. Could. It will always be harder, since males get along naturally better with other males than with females, since.. well, i guess every sex has a basic set of values they form a personality from. It's like.. Men = Bacon, Female = Appearance, and then you kind of work from there..

Nah, but seriously... If you consider her a stable person, and not someone who'd screw people over, and if you are not considering dating the thing, then i suppose you could - but then again, it could be done easier by just finding somebody else..

S'pose it would not hurt to try tho'. And if trying lead to crying, blablabla frying.. I just had to push that in..

If this post does not make any sense. It is due to lack of sleep and coffee...


But yea, don't shoot a bird in a tree, if your bike doesn't have a handbrake or atleast a younger brother called Neil.. Or so the saying goes.


Ciao
FUCK YOU ALL!

666 BLACK METAL HOLOCAUST!!!!!
#31
Quote by MacTheDaddio
Dude, get her to join the band. Rock out. Get to know each other well. If she likes you too, great. If not, **** it man, you only live once, move on and keep on rocking


Probably the best reply here.
#32
Quote by Northernmight
i'd say, don't do it.. But alright, i'm a slighty sexist arsehole. So based on everybody's reality and not just mine, i'd say.. it depends.. If you "like" her, then don't, because if shes going to start dating you, or anyone else within the band, it's going to be bad.

Trust me on that, always the big break-up thing, and "uh, i'm with the bassist now", or just simply arguing so that things don't work.. Same thing they say about married people shouldnt work together. Same goes here.

If that is not the case, then it could probably work.. Could. It will always be harder, since males get along naturally better with other males than with females, since.. well, i guess every sex has a basic set of values they form a personality from. It's like.. Men = Bacon, Female = Appearance, and then you kind of work from there..

Nah, but seriously... If you consider her a stable person, and not someone who'd screw people over, and if you are not considering dating the thing, then i suppose you could - but then again, it could be done easier by just finding somebody else..

S'pose it would not hurt to try tho'. And if trying lead to crying, blablabla frying.. I just had to push that in..

If this post does not make any sense. It is due to lack of sleep and coffee...


But yea, don't shoot a bird in a tree, if your bike doesn't have a handbrake or atleast a younger brother called Neil.. Or so the saying goes.


Ciao



I lol'd.
#33
Quote by AlanHB
Cool. Update this thread again when the problems start arising.


This. You're boned.
i don't know why i feel so dry
#34
Quote by Eastwinn
This. You're boned.


It does seem like some of you are taking this a little seriously - didn't he say he was 15? Of course it's vastly more likely that you'll end up breaking up with the girl and/or band you're with at 15, but it's ridiculous never to get a girlfriend or join a band when you're younger just because it's highly unlikely to last. I mean, it's seriously ridiculous.

They'll probably start having problems in the relationship that'll affect the band, or vice versa - who gives a shit? In five or ten or even one or two years, he'll be glad he had the experience - and he'll certainly be glad he's having the experience as he has it, as opposed to sitting around with no girlfriend and no-one to play music with.

Christ, if you never did things when you were a teenager just because they probably wouldn't work out long-term, you'd arrive at adulthood a emotionally crippled, friendless sociopath.
Quote by Ed O'Brien
“It’s not genius. It’s just that if you want something good to come out of something, you have to put in a lot of effort. That involves a lot of hard work, and a lot of blood, sweat and tears sometimes.”

http://urbanscarecrow.bandcamp.com/
#35
It does seem like some of you are taking this a little seriously - didn't he say he was 15? Of course it's vastly more likely that you'll end up breaking up with the girl and/or band you're with at 15, but it's ridiculous never to get a girlfriend or join a band when you're younger just because it's highly unlikely to last. I mean, it's seriously ridiculous.

They'll probably start having problems in the relationship that'll affect the band, or vice versa - who gives a shit? In five or ten or even one or two years, he'll be glad he had the experience - and he'll certainly be glad he's having the experience as he has it, as opposed to sitting around with no girlfriend and no-one to play music with.

Christ, if you never did things when you were a teenager just because they probably wouldn't work out long-term, you'd arrive at adulthood a emotionally crippled, friendless sociopath.
i like this guy
#36
Damascus: I'm 15 too. We have a tendency to take relationships (including bands) extremely serious. If his girlfriend and he were to break up, certainly that would kill the band. Am I saying to do neither? No way. It'll just be way easier to leave the girlfriend out of the band.
i don't know why i feel so dry
#37
Quote by Eastwinn
Damascus: I'm 15 too. We have a tendency to take relationships (including bands) extremely serious. If his girlfriend and he were to break up, certainly that would kill the band. Am I saying to do neither? No way. It'll just be way easier to leave the girlfriend out of the band.


And I'd put good money on the fact that the people over 15 who look back on their teen years and feel the least regret will have (metaphorically) dated the girl and been in a band with her.

I repeat: who gives half a flying shit if they break up? If they do, there's every reason why one of them can leave (I'm imagining this will be the then-ex-girlfriend) and the rest of the band can stay intact, no worse off than before she joined. And if the band does break up because they do...how is he - with no girlfriend and no band - in a worse position than he was before, when he had no girlfriend and no band?

Seriously, when old people tell you that you regret the things you didn't do more than the things you did do, they are not spouting off or kidding you. Your teen/young adult years are a time when the negative consequences of your actions are very, very mild compared to what they will be when you have the full range of adult responsibilities to cover.

Take it from someone who's old enough to know that's good advice, but young enough to remember what it was like to be 15. Seriously, seriously, seriously, just fucking go for it - you're young and have almost nothing to lose and a hell of a lot - a hell of a lot - of fun and experience to gain.
Quote by Ed O'Brien
“It’s not genius. It’s just that if you want something good to come out of something, you have to put in a lot of effort. That involves a lot of hard work, and a lot of blood, sweat and tears sometimes.”

http://urbanscarecrow.bandcamp.com/
#39
ok, look, this really boils down to two questions that, and excuse me as i speak for the group, everyone wants to know:
(1) is she hot?
(2) will she give it up or what?

on a side note: anyone checked out the bassist from sonic syndicate? music really sux, but holy hell she's hot!
#40
^ I know of Yoko Grisky. I have a preverbial one that conflicts with my band that I deal with regularly, member spouses and all that jazz. Dont. get. me. started.

How many musicians can say they played with thier chick/dude in a band? Be like Mike, Just Do It.
1981 Gibson Les Paul Custom (Black Beauty)
1980 Marshall JMP 2204
Last edited by Jonny Ryan Mac at Oct 8, 2009,
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