#1
So, I'm not too sure if this would really be considered song-worthy, as it's barely even a free-form poem as it is. I never ever write poetry. I could never really take the time to get into learning all of the intricacies of it. I always enjoyed good poetry, but just never had a talent for it. But this one I just sort of jotted down because I was in a mood. As I mentioned, it doesn't follow any rules or anything. I just kind of wrote it.

This is my first actual poem that wasn't done in 5 minutes as a requirement for some English class, so try to present some constructive criticism here - I'd love to hear your critiques and suggestions, and any recommendations on how to improve....but I don't want to hear "it sucks" without an explanation of why.

Anyway....here goes:


"Lovers and Liars"

Looked round and round, up and down,
but never was anything so true
as when the music held me,
as when your brown eyes led me.
I had naught but eyes for this prize I found,
this prize I found in you.

An unspoken promise; a mistaken feeling.
All the world did vanish and
leave our minds to reeling.
The walls would crumble, torn asunder,
that house so dearly shaken.
It was a wonder - perhaps a blunder -
with that tender gaze and silent praise,
what did we awaken?

Years. Months. Days.
Hours. Minutes. Seconds.
All the ways to measure time
but not enough time in the world
to fill our promise; to sate my craze.
A million lifetimes would not do, I reckon.

No, they'd be too few to spend with you,
infinity on high would not suffice,
if even it were cubed.
But it's so clear to me these things never last.
They are too quick to drown themselves
when liars jump into love too fast,
when lovers love but are by falsehoods condemned,
when to dark and painful places we delve

It all falls apart, it all crumbles down.
And again there's not another soul around;
There's just a memory, never meant to be.

A memory of you.

We were lovers and liars who sought
to please ourselves.
Fools who into promise
far too quickly delved.
Now we have naught but which we together wrought -
Blind lovers, blind liars, we have nothing except
our separate Hells.
#2
I think this is great. The flow and rhyme scheme are great, and I like your ending, as it is conclusive. I really like your first and second stanzas, especially the way they work together. Nice job man, care to look at one of mine:

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1203843
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1206244