#1
http://mylifeisaverage.com/index.php?part=recent

"Today, my 5-year-old daughter was taking her time eating her dinosaur nuggets. I told her to hurry and eat them before they ate her. She bit all their heads off and told me "Now they can't." Well played, offspring. Well played. MLIA"

"Today, I was trying to telepathically communicate with my teacher in class. He didnt look at me the whole time I was calling out 'sir' loudly in my head, then I thought I'd lie and tell him I slept with his wife, he glanced at me from the corner of his eye. I know he can hear me. MLIA"

"Today, my little brother asked me what "porn" is. Not wanting to tell him the truth, I immediately told him it was the abbreviation of "popcorn". Later at night he told my parents that he wanted to watch a movie with porn. MLIA"
El-Danny

Quote by americnidiot
You keep seeing songs like KoC, SMBH, and Hysteria showing up on games, but I want Micro Cuts on either Rock Band or Sing Star. I want to see numerous masses of kids staring at the tv wondering what the hell they're supposed to do.
#5


What is this, 8 months too late?
"The future's uncertain, and The End is always near."
-Jim Morrison
#6
"Today I won a million dollars, but I closed out of the pop-up anyway. MLIA"
"Today I joined a new website and used the word "penis" as my password. The website said my password was too short. MLIA"
Last edited by simmy17 at Sep 27, 2009,
#8
searchbar, bro
Quote by jimmyled
You have a Badger Song avatar!!!!!

Quote by Oprah
VAJAYJAY


Monkey Ball Sack

#11
Today I installed a program and it asked if I had read and agreed to the terms and conditions. I hadn't, but I clicked 'yes' anyway. The program didn't know I lied, and began to install. MLIA.


Today at school I leaned back in my chair and it made a farting noise. I casually did it again so everybody would know it was the chair. MLIA

my favs
#12
"Today, I had to take a test in my AP Biology class. The second to last test question was "Make a barnyard animal noise. You have 10 seconds to comply." I looked up, confused, and saw my teacher staring intently at me. He mouthed the word "Go" and tapped his watch. I mooed. The rest of the testing period was completely silent, except for the occasional clucking, neighing, and mooing. MLIA."

"Today, after waiting for months, I went to an orphanage to adopt a child. The first child I was introduced to was in a full batman costume. We had an in-depth conversation about Gothams crime status, and his recent encounters with the joker. Guess who i'm bringing home? MLIA"
El-Danny

Quote by americnidiot
You keep seeing songs like KoC, SMBH, and Hysteria showing up on games, but I want Micro Cuts on either Rock Band or Sing Star. I want to see numerous masses of kids staring at the tv wondering what the hell they're supposed to do.
#13
"Today, my boyfriend told me that I am cooler than fire-breathing sharks. I think this is the best compliment anyone has ever given me. MLIA"

Aww, what a nice guy.


Everyone know's he's lying, but what a nice thought.
#14
Today, me and my friend were talking about how we both took a bath last night. She told me she made a bubble beard and pretended to be Santa. I did the same thing except I pretended to be Dumbledore. I win. MLIA
sim simma

who got the keys to my beema
#15
Quote by eldanny
"Today, I had to take a test in my AP Biology class. The second to last test question was "Make a barnyard animal noise. You have 10 seconds to comply." I looked up, confused, and saw my teacher staring intently at me. He mouthed the word "Go" and tapped his watch. I mooed. The rest of the testing period was completely silent, except for the occasional clucking, neighing, and mooing. MLIA."

"Today, after waiting for months, I went to an orphanage to adopt a child. The first child I was introduced to was in a full batman costume. We had an in-depth conversation about Gothams crime status, and his recent encounters with the joker. Guess who i'm bringing home? MLIA"



Both of those are full of win!

I wish I had a teacher that cool.
#16

It's old but goddamn it's funny. So much better than FML.
Quote by ChemicalFire
He was too stunned by my fresh truths.

Quote by GodofCheesecake
"And I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you darn kids and your meddling and your breakadowns!"

Quote by Nakedbythecomp
Metal is a sub-genre of metalcore since metalcore is more popular therefore better.
#20
Today, my mom called my phone and I answered. The first thing she asked me was if I was awake. Wondering why she would ask that even after I've already answered, I began to breathe heavily into the phone to pretend that I was asleep. She hung up. MLIA

#22
Today I was in the shower shaving my legs, when my left hand collided with my right hand, sending my razor flying. It bounced off the glass door, off the tiled wall, then into my right hand, which I closed in a ninja like fashion. Ive never wished more that someone had been watching me in the shower. MLIA

Today, I went to take a shower in my dorm bathroom. We have a program that involves putting timers in the showers to see if we can save water. I flipped the timer and after about a minute, The Final Countdown began playing on our bathroom radio, making it the most epic shower I have ever taken. MLIA

Yesterday, I was listening to Jay-Z's "Run This Town." When Kanye West sang "Have you ever had shoes without shoe strings?" I said yes, they're called sandals. I felt clever AND I interrupted Kanye West. MLIA

Chinese Democracy is a great album, people need to get over Slash.

Proud fan of Pop, Rap, Rock, and Metal.
#23
Quote by maidenfan15


Today, I went to take a shower in my dorm bathroom. We have a program that involves putting timers in the showers to see if we can save water. I flipped the timer and after about a minute, The Final Countdown began playing on our bathroom radio, making it the most painful shower I have ever taken. MLIA





Fixed.

Seriously, that is a terrible, terrible song.
#25
Today I was eating a cupcake when the phone rang. I panicked and stuffed the entire cupcake into my mouth. I still don't know why I did that. MLIA

Today, I watched a really scary movie before going to bed. When it was done, I went upstairs and ran down the hallway as fast as I could before any monsters could kill me. I made it to my room safely. MLIA.

These made me lol so hard
Chinese Democracy is a great album, people need to get over Slash.

Proud fan of Pop, Rap, Rock, and Metal.
Last edited by maidenfan15 at Sep 27, 2009,
#26
A lot of my friends recently moved to university, including my boyfriend. Most of my friends have been out partying every night, but my boyfriend? He stayed up half the night coloring in a Pokemon picture to send to me. Hi, soulmate. MLIA

My best friend and I tried convincing my dad to let our gay guy friend sleep over. His reply: "Nothing with a penis will sleep under this roof." I have never wondered about my father so much. MLIA

Today, we were watching a video about properties of minerals and rocks in science class. When it told us about the rock's cleavage ( a kind of property), the video instructed us to "examine this cleavage very closely". At that precise moment, a hot girl returned from the bathroom, wearing a very open v-neck. The expression on her face when one of the quietest kids in the class said "Oh, believe me, I will" made my life. MLIA

Quote by NotFromANUS
"Don't brutal your sister, Timmy!"


last.fm
#27
"Today, at around 5:30 AM I saw a commercial on the Disney channel for Toy Story 3D in Theaters. Delighted, I ran out of my dorm room. A guy down the hall also ran out, he looked at me a yelled 'To infinity and Beyond!' I don't know whether its cooler that he was watching the Disney Channel at 5AM or that he loves Toy Story. Either way I have found my future husband. MLIA."

"Today my friend and I ordered pizza online from Papa Ginos. Under the comments section, we asked them to please bring some grass for my pet cow, and then promptly forgot about it. When the delievery man came to our door he was carrying a paper bag labeled "grass for cow" and inside was grass, complete with roots and dirt. It made my life. MLIA."

Last edited by Zomby Woof at Sep 27, 2009,
#28
"Today, my girlfriend came over to my house a bit early, and we had forty five minutes until my parents came home. she dragged me by my shirt into my bedroom...and saw my nintendo 64. we spent the forty five minutes playing Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of Time. I really hope we don't break up. MLIA"
Quote by Turkeyburger
It's not cool to make fun of people with disabilities.....

(Being Norwegian is a disability)


Quote by BK202



#29
"Today, I was walking with my friends when my cell phone rang. It was my dad. I talked to him for about 10 minutes before I realized that I no longer felt my phone in my pocket. I told him to hold on while I looked for my phone. He asked me if I found it. MLIA"



EDIT: "Today, while heading home from our long family road trip to Idaho, we passed a hitchhiker. He was holding a sign that simply said "Won't Kill You". I was the only one who wanted to stop and pick him up. MLIA"

daytripper75

Bullieve


Quote by Amuro Jay
I'm gonna need specific instructions again on how to properly dance with my pants on my head.
Quote by lolmnt
First you put your pants on your head.
Second you dance.
Third you wipe off all the pussy.
Last edited by JayT44 at Sep 27, 2009,
#30
Quote by JayT44
"Today, I was walking with my friends when my cell phone rang. It was my dad. I talked to him for about 10 minutes before I realized that I no longer felt my phone in my pocket. I told him to hold on while I looked for my phone. He asked me if I found it. MLIA"


Quote by NotFromANUS
"Don't brutal your sister, Timmy!"


last.fm
#31
"Today I had rice. I'm asian. MLIA"
Tonight I kill your fucking face.
I killed your face.


HG FC: 4211 7971 0287
Plt FC: 3052 1000 9033
#32
Ha, pretty good stuff
Quote by Gaz_m2k5
Now when people say "Congratulations, I heard you just had a baby" you can say "Thanks! It was delicious."

/#1 reason for having a kid.


PSN: YosemiteSam13
#33
Today, my dad was eating some chinese food and made a weird coughing/sneezing noise. I imediately started laughing and said, "That was unexpected." My dad responded, "So were you." I stopped laughing. MLIA

Today, I had a quiz to take in my Honors Chemistry class. The last question of the quiz was: "Jim drops an iron magnet during a chemistry lab experiment. She finds that it is no longer magnetic. What has happened in terms of its properties?" I was much, MUCH more concerned by the fact that Jim was a girl. MLIA

Today, I saw some police chase a man down an alley. It was pretty cool but what was even better about 5 minutes later a chubby police officer came running slowly puffing and looked around. I then pointed down the lane and he nodded and kept slowly running after. It made my day. MLIA

Today, I had a staring contest with my cat. I was about to blink so I turned my head and blinked and turned back so she wouldn't notice. When I turned my head back she hit me with her paw. I'm glad my cat knows cheating is unacceptable. MLIA

Yesterday I jumped out from behind a corner and scared my cat. He walked away angrily and I didn't see him for the rest of the day. Today, when I went to the bathroom, I checked behind the shower curtain to make sure there wasn't a murderer there. My cat was sitting there staring at me. I screamed. He won. MLIA.

I love this site!
Chinese Democracy is a great album, people need to get over Slash.

Proud fan of Pop, Rap, Rock, and Metal.
Last edited by maidenfan15 at Sep 27, 2009,
#34
Quote by RipeFlesh
"Today I had rice. I'm asian. MLIA"

"Today, I ate fried chicken and watermelon. I'm black. MLIA"
sim simma

who got the keys to my beema
#35
"Yesterday, I was done early with my test and was realy bored. I started to play with the water bottle on my desk and a piece of my hair that accidentally fell out. Wanting to see how strong my hair was, I wrapped it once around my bottle and pulled, making my bottle move. Apparently, the kid next to me didnt see the hair, only my bottle moving on its own. He promised me he wouldnt tell anyone about my magical powers. MLIA"
Gear
Guitar

Ibanez Art100
Amp
Peavey Valveking 212
Effects
Dunlop Slash Wah
EHX Metal Muff
#36
Even better:

"Today, I watched "The Little Mermaid." I laughed at the line, "Everything's better, down where it's wetter." I laughed even harder when I realized a crab sang that line. MLIA"
Tonight I kill your fucking face.
I killed your face.


HG FC: 4211 7971 0287
Plt FC: 3052 1000 9033