#1
I want to declare a war.
I just don´t know what it will be for.
I wanna tell the truth.
Instead of that, I will just let loose.
(Just let loose, just let loose)

I´m holding my breath, until the time runs out.
I´m lost and alone, not for the first time.
I hope that someday you gonna catch my fall.
Although I know, that I won´t be fine...

I got decisions to make.
About people I don´t like coz they speak so fake.
I want to get some luck.
I always seem to just get stuck.
(Just get stuck, just get stuck)

I´m holding my breath, until the time runs out.
I´m lost and alone, not for the first time.
I hope that someday you gonna catch my fall.
Although I know, that I won´t be fine...

===

This is still wip. No idea what should come after the 2nd chorus. Still working on the verses too, cause I´m not 100% confident with them. Felt like sharing this with you anyways.

Let me know what you think.
Kind Regards!
#2
Quote by Plowback
I want to declare a war.
I just don´t know what it will be for.
I wanna tell the truth.
Instead of that, I will just let loose.
(Just let loose, just let loose) Would be ok if it proceeded to expand, but once you've set the scene it's good to stick to it, or come back to it later.

I´m holding my breath, until the time runs out.
I´m lost and alone, not for the first time.
I hope that someday you gonna catch my fall.
Although I know, that I won´t be fine...

I got decisions to make.
About people I don´t like coz they speak so fake.
I want to get some luck.
I always seem to just get stuck.
(Just get stuck, just get stuck)

I´m holding my breath, until the time runs out.
I´m lost and alone, not for the first time.
I hope that someday you gonna catch my fall.
Although I know, that I won´t be fine...


Overall:Lacks imagery and colour to it, generally a bit bland IMO. Needs more description and detail. Rhyme scheme's a bit overbearing to me, could be a lot more fun if you ignored rhyme and just spoke your mind.

You should try to make a story with the verses/chorus- something happens/is described in each verse, then the chorus comes (back) in to relate to it. ATM, the verses seem to be little to do with the chorus to me.

C4C in sig, if you wish?
#3
mopmaster, please tell me where the imagery and colour is in "I Want To Hold Your Hand"

songs do not need to be great poetry to be great songs. in fact, songs can be awful poetry and still be decent songs.

i liked it. i'm digging a bridge after the second chorus