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#1
crickets song

where are you going for the weekend?
to costa rica? paradise?
heaven? or some way
to reap the fruits of your toil?
Is that why you
curl around your notebook in
search of something
worth passion?

you could disassemble
an old mans logic. break down
common walls around your
common head,
in search for a gods-eye view.
If you could see that,
what would you do?

Laura leaned over and gave me a kiss,
and i felt the neurons in my head
fire off their pistons like morse code.
it was Darwins way of saying
how romantic she was.
i wouldn't know why.
We sat on the porch in the
cool air of the summer night
and listened to the crickets
rub their bows. in a form of
communication that
went deeper than what they knew.

it was gods way of saying
"hello"



Rookie

I waited outside Laura's house,
leaning against the Honda
that my mother didn't know I borrowed.
She wouldn't suspect innocent
little Benjamin of any harm or impulse.
It made me nervous inside,
because she was right.
No guts,
no glory.

But tonight was pretty gutsy, I must admit.
I told Laura that I'd take
her and her sister to a party and
we'd all get shitfaced.
My stomach started to churn with
the buzzkill questions that
most teenagers disregard.
Who's going to stay sober and drive?
What if there's drugs?
What if she puts out?
Does she have condoms?
Should I have gotten some?

Took a deep breath,
prayed to the God she didn't know I trusted
so fervently
and tried to convince myself that
this was a normal thing to do
as they got in the back seat.

And as I knew it would,
the courage turned to
just plain impulse,
haunted
by the image
of her dilluted, drunk body,
telling me she
loved me
loved me,
kissed me
and wanted to fuck me

The light turned red, and
I made that rookie mistake.
I slammed my foot
on what I thought was the brake,
flew into traffic
and died looking very unheroic.



Motherland

I walked home from work
past the diner I applied at
three weeks ago, with
the Aussie named Claire
serving tables.
I remember her fake enthusiasm
and how warm it made me.
I guess it couldn't hurt to stop in
for a cup of coffee,
see if she's working.

I came home to a
yellow slip taped to my door.
I was being evicted.

And somewhere out in the country
my mom is fucking my step dad
while my father is making money in New York.
And my ex in Baltimore
left me a message to say
that she didn't have her son,
and how great a father I would have been.

Alice let me sleep at her place
while I looked for an apartment.
We smoked mexican hash and
talked about our childhood dreams.
She said she always wanted to be a ballerina
and marry a doctor named Ken so she
could dance dance dance the night away.
I didn't know what I wanted,
but I joked and said "world peace".
We laughed, and I started to realize
there's nothing out here.