#1
Hey Miss America, how does it feel
To be by yourself, to be on your knees
Begging the sky and the stars for love and hope
Praying someone’s waiting for you at home?

Hey Miss America, tell me what went wrong
Behind the scenes and the lights and all the songs?
Now you’re crying to anyone who will hear you
You wish there was someone, someone who’d believe you

But hold on, be careful what you choose
There are too many ways to kill yourself
Hold on, because I’ll be there for you

And I’ll be there for you when you need me
I can’t say how much that I need you
And I’ll be there for you when you want me
I want nothing more than you

You think you’re king of the world, well guess what
You’re not; you’re a jerk that nobody likes
And I’m sorry it had to come out like this
The truth may hurt, but lies take lives

And it doesn’t matter to me if you’re hated or not
Because I’m a friend to anyone who needs one
And of course it doesn’t matter to me if you’ve got a past
I’ve been there, and I know it’s hard

And I’ll be there for you because you need me
No one else cares but I’m a set of ears
And I’ll be there for you because you need me

Hey there love of mine, I’ve got a couple words
That I think you should hear
Nothing means more to me than the sparkle in your eyes
That you get when I am near

And though the storms may come and the skies will roar
I’ll be by your side, until the end of the earth
And no matter how long it takes to break the walls
I’ll hit them just as hard

Because I’ll be there for you when you need me
By your side, and through the night
I’ll be there for you because I need you
I need you, girl I need you

And hold on, because I’ll be there soon
I’d risk my life just to get to you
And hold on, just hold on
Last edited by briman007 at Sep 29, 2009,
#2
I really enjoyed this. It's got some cliche portions, and it's vague, but despite that it's wonderful.
Bravo.
I want Super Saiyan abilities
#3
Quote by briman007
Hey Miss America, how does it feel
To be by yourself, to be on your knees
Begging the sky and the stars for love and hope
Praying someone’s waiting for you at home?

Hey Miss America, tell me what went wrong
Behind the scenes and the lights and all the songs?
Now you’re crying to anyone who will hear you
You wish there was someone, someone who’d believe you
Liked these first two stanzas. Nice.

But hold on, be careful what you choose
There are too many ways to kill yourself
Hold on, because I’ll be there for you
Eh, I don't know about this stanza. Could be better, but its not awful.

And I’ll be there for you when you need me
I can’t say how much that I need you
And I’ll be there for you when you want me
I want nothing more than you
Feels cliche.

You think you’re king of the world, well guess what
You’re not; you’re a jerk that nobody likes
And I’m sorry it had to come out like this
The truth may hurt, but lies take lives
Last 2 lines are cool, but the first 2 need revising. I kinda sounds like something a 5th grader would say as an insult.

And it doesn’t matter to me if you’re hated or not
Because I’m a friend to anyone who needs one
And of course it doesn’t matter to me if you’ve got a past
I like the first 2 lines. The last one is a bit vague for my tastes.

I’ve been there, and I know it’s hard
And I’ll be there for you because you need me
No one else cares but I’m a set of ears
And I’ll be there for you because you need me
The lines between the repetition are good. The repetitions are, as before with the similar stanza, cliche sounding. It would probably work better if the repeated line was altered a bit to have the same point but in different words.

Hey there love of mine, I’ve got a couple words
That I think you should hear
Nothing means more to me than the sparkle in your eyes
That you get when I am near

And though the storms may come and the skies will roar
I’ll be by your side, until the end of the earth
And no matter how long it takes to break the walls
I’ll hit them just as hard
Last line is vague. Other than that the above 2 stanzas are solid, though I'm a bit confused why you've gone from insulting someone in one stanza to being there for them in the rest of the song.

Because I’ll be there for you when you need me
By your side, and through the night
I’ll be there for you because I need you
I need you, girl I need you


And hold on, because I’ll be there soon
I’d risk my life just to get to you
And hold on, just hold on
Good.


Alright, so I really enjoyed the first 2 stanzas and the last one. Between that things got confusing, and at times very cliche though. Look through it and think of better ways to say what you're wanting to. Not only will it sound better, but it'll have a better impact because you're saying something in a way that hasn't been done before.
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As usual Natrone's mouth spouts general win.

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man, Natrone you're some kind of ninja I swear


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plexi


i realize the longshot that is. little giant to humongous one.


Rest In Peace Stevie Ray
#4
in response to natrone, the song as a whole is basically what a friend should be. whether it's someone you don't know as well (verse 1), a friend who needs correction (verse 2), or a special friend (verse 3), it maintains the consistent repetitive chorus that emphasizes the key to friendship: being there for each other. The chorus is very cliche, and you hear it all the time, but do people REALLY mean it? as a whole, i think there's more meaning to the phrases when it's sung and not spoken. the 5th grade insult is supposed to be unpoetic and simply, very blunt (you're a jerk. nobody likes you) and then complimented by the last two lines. and as you referenced later, it's not supposed to come off as an insult. the following prechorus (and it doesn't matter to me...) is clarification that it's not an insult but a friendly gesture (ie, you tell your friends when they have bad breath). and you mentioned the line about the walls. i was referencing the fact that people don't have constant motivation. if you have to do things 1000 times, a lot of people will slack off or "save themselves" in comparison to the full exertion of energy that comes with only having to do something once. the line is supposed to say i don't care if this will be quick or if it will take my whole life, i'm going to bust my ass.

i definitely hear what you're saying, just trying to clarify some points