#1
Close Your Eyes, Your Negligence Will Be Your Salvation
By Joshe_009

Download here:
http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?xmnytitknmy

Sorry, UltimateGuitar wasn't letting me upload stuff.

------

This is a slow rock, acoustic peice that I wrote a few days ago. It's the second full song I have ever written, and I am quite pleased with it. There's still a few things I need to touch up on though.

Sorry about the file size, I have included an MP3 file which is my song converted into a more realistic tone using Mixcraft. Check it out.

As always, C4C.
Thanks.

Download here:
http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?xmnytitknmy

EDIT: Ah, crap. I forgot to add in markers. Oh well, it's fairly easy to work out where they're supposed to be. =P

EDIT: Added the files below, but the MP3 with more realistic tone is still at the other link.
Attachments:
Close Your Eyes, Your Negligence Will Be Your Salvation.gp4
Close Your Eyes, Your Negligence Will Be Your Salvation.gp5
Close Your Eyes, Your Negligence Will Be Your Salvation.mid
Last edited by Joshe_009 at Oct 1, 2009,
#4
Wow, I really like this track, the intro is great, really grabbed my attention from the start.

I can imagine a really nice vocal melody to lay over ontop something like this, it really sounds like something that would sound great if recorded with real instruments and all.

Props for this one, you kept the instruments interesting and I'm sure they'll compliment a vocal melody really nicely! I don't even listen to this genre of music and I loved it, great use of layers and variations.

10/10! You deserve it!
#5
Thanks a lot, I really appreciate that.

You don't listen to slow rock? I've seen a few songs that you've written that i'd say is slow rock.
#6
Quote by Joshe_009
Thanks a lot, I really appreciate that.

You don't listen to slow rock? I've seen a few songs that you've written that i'd say is slow rock.



I've only really written one soft/slow rock song on UG but that was really a one off, I write pretty much whatever plays in my head and that song just happened to be there when I had some time. I don't really listen to much of slow rock but I guess you could call it slow rock.

Not a problem with the crit, I really enjoyed your song.
#10
Hi there,

I quite liked this - favourite bits were the intro and bar 30 - 37 (and the repeats of it of course!) The drums and the guitar rhythm were great.

Perhaps you could change the GP guitars to something that is a little less harsh sounding (it might help make the song sound the same way as when you play it even though its not actually the right instrument)

I was also thinking that over the repeating chords you could have some sort of melody that would smooth the piece out.

Overall I would say 7/10 (but i'm no judge!)

If you could take a look at my piece Evening Sunshine (link in my sig) that would be great.
Quote by philjay
*Picks up TT like handbag and smacks you over the head like an angry granny *
Try that with your rocker 30


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#11
The track is quite nice, but it has its fair share of ups and down. Starting with the good, I really enjoyed the melodies in the song, they flowed well and were soothing. The drums also go well with the song. Ok moving on to the bad (don't worry its not actually half as bad as I make it sound), there were repetitions, and there is no problem with that because I'm just hearing the music. If there were vocals, I'm sure the song wouldn't have seemed so repetitive. I noticed when I like minimized guitar pro and just listened to the song casually (as opposed to analytically), it seemed much better. I think that if you add a few layers here and there it would give the song more breathing room (the strings towards the end are a good example).

I would say this song probably has a lot of potential if you add a few layers or write a good vocal melody, oh and panning the acoustics +5, -5, helps. If you put everything in the center, it sounds like its been squeezed together. 7/10 for the song right now, I figure if you pan it, add a layer or give it a sweet vocal melody, it would easily go up to 8 or 9 out of 10.

Crit back?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1208677
#13
the apregio's sound an awful like Agalloch. but that could just be me. quite enjoyed it but it isnt my thing. the strings really helped with the atmosphere well done!

New Song 2 C4C in my sig
"We carry death out of the village!"
#14
Never heard of them. Cheers for the crit. I critted your Song 2 a couple days ago.
#15
Hey champ, cheers for the crit

I'm listening now, so I'll update my post shortly with my return crit. Cheers.

Here we go!
Very natural sounding progression to start off - it sets a theme, is easy to get into; no complaints here. I like the use of the repeated G note on the 2 and 4 counts. I feel as if it sets the pulse for the snare later on in the song, and in itself of course functions a good pulse too, while adding some atmosphere. Simple, but very effective.

The addition of the second guitar worked worked well, but perhaps you could have it play different voicings of the chords, rather than copying the first guitar. It can just add a little more texture and colour to the piece, and provide a contrast for the verse section which follows. Also, I think some dynamics could be added to the bass once it starts playing the straight 16ths - something to accent the pulse, or add more to it, for that matter. It works fine as is, but I find that techniques like that can really add a lot to the texture.

Which brings us to the verse! I like how you give a fluctuated sound with one guitar playing a straight pattern while the other performs something more rhythmic - particularly with the panning, it's just a very nice audio effect. No complaints for the other instruments here, and a very complimenting drum beat, I'll add.

On a side note - the second verse! I mentioned using differently voiced chords in the intro, and doing so here would be a nice recurrence of a theme, methinks. Maybe have the second guitar play higher register chords, and holding them out for whole bar lengths - maybe even with a slight vibrato effect? I uploaded a version with an idea included (very rushed mind you, sorry =[), which includes an example of the alternate voicings between bars 42 and 45 (the last chord is supposed to ring into the body tapping ). Remember, just an idea

I like the addition of the short bass interlude before the refrain (30 - ). It's a nice contrast from the denser sounds before and after. And when the second refrain is about to come along, I like that there's that longer variation - a similar idea, but acted upon differently. Very nice!

58 - 61 has a bit of a double time feel, with the arpeggios lasting half their earlier duration each. Nice change in pulse, and again, a good shift into the refrain (I'm glad you didn't overuse the bass interlude idea!) The addition of the swelling strings is nice; again, variety is the spice of life, and using the strings to end the piece was a wise move. Very climatic.

Overall, a well constructed song with definite potential. It's very easy-going, relaxing, and has a present atmosphere, which is what's required from music like this.

Again great job, and thanks for the feedback on mine. Feel free to PM me or ask here if you'd like me to clarify anything or go into more detail.

Attachments:
CYEYNWBYS - Voicings.gp5
Last edited by juckfush at Oct 5, 2009,
#16
Hey man, fantastic crit! I see where you're going with your version - thanks a lot for doing that!
Your advice is really good. I'll see what I can come up with when I get around to it.
Cheers!
#17
Good stuff, I agree that i does sound somewhat repetitive but with a vocal melody easily fix that problem. The strings give a great atmosphere, drums sound good. One thing that is kind of odd is that your intro sounds kinda similar to the one i wrote for my song :P Don't really have much more to say..

C4C
#18
The chord progression is a familiar one to me. Feels like home. Relaxation.
Arpeggio I've played before, but not with a rhythm guitar hitting a fifth above me periodically.
Nice subtlety.
Catchy drums and easy going strings.
8/10
-1 for no vocal melody (if you got one go ahead and give yourself another point)
-1 for being standard tuned accoustic guitar fare (not my thing go ahead and give yourself another point.)
#19
Right critting as I'm listening from the midi mp3 (which does make a difference! ).

Intro has a nice simple yet atmospheric chord progression added with the strings show me this is going to be quite a soft relaxing song.
When the strumming pattern changes perhaps add in some upstroke/downstroke kinda' thing (even if it's very subtle) as it adds a more realistic sound when making a song with acoustic guitar in it but this is just one of my small technical preferences so you can do as you wish .
The chord progression change is good but could do with some sort of harmony with the other guitar - much like the next part.
Remember to use those accents with songs like this as not only does it add realism but it adds emotion as well. Using forte or the accentuated note buttons etc.
Outro is good, not finishing on the key note and left to hang.

This song with a vocal track would be cool and for a second song, it's well structured and thought through . 9/10 (small technical stuff such as accents could make it sound more real etc.).
#20
Righto, thanks for the crits people! I critted back for those that needed it.
#21
Intro was too simple and over-used, but not bad. Drums throughout the song were not realistic enough, but might be good with a real drummer. There was something in the song that sounded horrible, but it might be my earphones' low quality. The bridge in the middle of the song was pretty boring IMO. The strings really added to the song though. I can't see this really working without vocals though.
7/10 Persumably (how I think it would sound in real life with a decent singer). Not special, but nice. C4C? Links in my sig.
#22
Okay dude, I thought the song had a lot of potential. So, because of this I edited it a bunch of it and added parts to it.

I changed the tempo from 80 to 85, just to give it a slightly more bop feel.

I thought the strings were too simple, so I added a harmony every second time through the strings came in. Also, I felt during the 2nd verse, it would be nice to have the strings play a nice melody-lead.

I added a really short bass solo, before the main string melody during the 2nd verse.

I added an interlude, and a solo. IMO, I think they fit very well, and I made the solo extremely good. I added an outro solo with a jazz guitar to leave the listener really feel like the song ended.

After the solo, I put like half a verse and went straight into the outro.

Also, I left the voicings the last guy did because I was going to do something similar but I decided to just use his.

It feels like a full song now! Hooray!

Maybe, I should've taken out a verse though...it clocks around 5 minutes now. haha

Lol, dude I had a lot of fun changing up your song, hopefully it doesn't feel like I changed it too much.

Critique my song?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1184434
Attachments:
Close Your Eyes Your Negligence Will Be Your Salvation.gp5
While driving yesterday, I saw a banana peel on the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
Last edited by dandan321 at Oct 7, 2009,
#23
I really liked it. There is no criticism I can add that hasn't already been said; but wanted to comment anyway to say nice work.
#24
dandan321: That is amazing! That solo was excellent and I LOVED the outro and some of the riffs you put in, it's awesome! A lot sounded very strange (and distinctively out of time perhaps?), but that's guitar pro's fault. I'll see if I can possibly fix some of that if it's possible. Other than that, it was a beautiful peice. Nice bro! Oh, and i'll crit yours.

jimmyled: Thanks, I'll crit yours now.

Tomo: Thanks, mate. Appreciated.
Last edited by Joshe_009 at Oct 8, 2009,