#1
A new deathcore song i made based on As blood runs black i tired my hardest its my first real deathcore song i believe so yeah tell me what u think be it crtitsizum or improvment

C4C

thanks

Updates:
.Added bass
.Improved Drums
.Added New Part 2 to Verse 1 & 2
.Added Solo
.Improved Outro
.Changed Breakdown slightly
Attachments:
new 210.gp4
new 210.gp5
new 210.mid
Last edited by 169290 at Oct 5, 2009,
#4
Liked the chorus, nice deathcore there =)

Breakdown, down right generic, I liked the bass drops though that sounded tight. Bar 78 was a good alternative.

Bar 84, now we're talking, great riff here, very catchy and excellent job on the drums at this part.

Good call on using the breakdown as the outro, woulda done the same.

FYI, most of this can be written in 4/4.

For a deathcore song, it's missing some catchy hooks, so I'll give it a 9/10. Overall for a song probably a 7/10.

Good job though, if this is your first deathcore song pat yourself on the back, wish I could compose this good when I started.

Improvements, don't try too hard to be technical about time signatures, like I said, a little tempo change and you can write all this in 4/4 easily.

crit my latest? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1209372
"Our revenge so everlasting sweet,
Enslave your Children, Behead the weak,
Kill every last Man, Woman and Machine
The cleansing has begun.
Your meek defense is foolish,
we come from the stars a trillion strong."
#5
Hej there, nice one here mate. reminded me a bit of Born from osiris.

i'm gonna do this in song order so:

-intro: you're kicking some doors there mate. it's good it's melodic, nice harmonization. but I find it too direct. i'd rather start a bit calmer to really get into the song than that riff immeadiatly

- Verse 1 : is more of a breakdown to me, but breakdowns as verses have often turned out to be quite nice in the past. it's a but generic tho , you could add some pinch harmonics to spice it up and maybe a catchy hook. nice rythm you create there must say

- Prechorus : it sounds evil and stuf but it sounds a bit.. dull to me.
- chorus : the chorus on the other hand I like very much. it's nice . very melodic which I like

- Verse 2 : also a bit generic even when vocals come over it. spice it up a bit .

I like the breakdown, not too original but it works.

- interlude again . sounds nice and evil like deathcore should sound .

-interlude 2: sounds alot like the other melodic riffs
outro : again pretty generic but works as an outro

Conclusion: nice deatcore, melodic and original sound. but it's not catchy enough just yet. the melodic riffs sound a bit the same sometimes. also the breakdown doesn't ring on in my head. try to make the breakdowns very catchy, songs of this genre often stand or fall with the breakdown. 8/10

edit: nice for a first song , really! keep writing.
altho I do think as blood runs black is more metalcore anyway can't wait to see them play at the 21st of november ^^

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1209551
Last edited by BackDownBitch at Oct 2, 2009,
#8
Intro was amayzing and one of my favorite parts

Verse 1 was not that good. It was a little too generic and boring.

Pre-Chorus leads up to the Chorus very nice and I loved the Chorus.

Verse 2 is still generic and boring.

The Breakdown was the part I hated the most. It was waaaaaay more generic and just bad.

Interlude was pretty good and made up for the breakdown. I loved the way it ended.

Interlude 2 was really good and melodic. It kinda reminded me of Kalmah.

Outro I didn't really like but some vocals can definitaley make it better.

I really want to give it a 9.5, but the breakdowns really held the song back and became boring. 8.5/10
#10
Quote by 169290
cheers
You want me to crit anything DudE132?

I don't have anything up yet.
#13
Quote by Tom Araya
What the **** is 12/8 ? 0_o The song must be in 3/4 or 4/4 triplets. Re-write it.


Would you please kindly shut up? Your criticism is neither constructive, nor reasoned, as 12/8 is a commonly used time signature. Some manners are appreciated, also.
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Quote by Lord-O-Donuts
Banned for being the coolest April 08'er on UG.


please check out my own album:
almilano.bandcamp.com
#15
I liked some parts, others were sort of meh...

I loved the intro riff, the only problem was that it got too heavy too quickly. I suggest you start off a bit softer before kicking you listeners balls with BR00TALZ R1FFS. Other then that the intro riff is brilliant.

Verse part one should be switched to be the breakdown, honestly I think it would fit a lot better... Part two however fits great, I really enjoy it.

Pre-chorus 1 isn't great, dislike the melody and the drumming. But hey thats just me.

However I loved the chorus, it is truly the best part of the song. Put some vocals over it and it would be great. I would honestly pay for a studio recording of the song just thanks to the chorus.

Get rid of the breakdown, its boring. Use the verse as a breakdown instead of what you have now.

Interlude was ok, I would probably enjoy it more if it was heavier... Liked the solo.

Outro was nothing special.

Overall you did a good job. I liked it. C4C?
#16
Certainly not bad, I liked the more technical angle you're taking. The breakdowns were a little too plentiful for my tastes, but it was fairly enjoyable

P.S. I don't really see where the death metal influence is here, though you've gotten the metalcore side down.