#1
"My CV is enclosed for your review and I would appreciate your consideration for any available positions."

I dunno it just doesn't sound right! Rephrase help please?
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#2
Sounds fine to me.
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#4
Enclosed is a copy of my CV. Thank you very much for considering me for a position with you company, and I look forward to speaking to you soon.
#5
Quote by Horatio
Enclosed is a copy of my CV. Thank you very much for considering me for a position with you company, and I look forward to speaking to you soon.


This, or put a comma before 'and'. We just went through this in college comp.
#6
If your the one asking for a position, then you would want YOUR consideration for the position, as in YOU want to be considered for a position.

Also, I assume a CV is like a resume?
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#7
Do they know what a CV is?
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#8
sounds right to me
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#11
C.V.
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#12
Quote by Le_Bunny
It sounds a bit overcooked and try hard... don't try to be too wordy.

It also sounds professional and shows that he has a grasp over the english language. In my experience employers prefer people who know how to write an ass kissing cover letter, because it shows they actually want the position, rather than someone who doesn't want to "try too hard." If you're not trying too hard you won't get anywhere, especially through this recession .
#13
Quote by st.stephen
It also sounds professional and shows that he has a grasp over the english language. In my experience employers prefer people who know how to write an ass kissing cover letter, because it shows they actually want the position, rather than someone who doesn't want to "try too hard." If you're not trying too hard you won't get anywhere, especially through this recession .

And a part of having a grasp of the english language is to make your message clear, succinct and easily understandable whilst being detailed through descriptive language. TS' sentence, to me, does not demonstrate this. Though it is descriptive, it does not read easily, and is not streamlined. That's what I meant.
#14
Quote by Le_Bunny
And a part of having a grasp of the english language is to make your message clear, succinct and easily understandable whilst being detailed through descriptive language. TS' sentence, to me, does not demonstrate this. Though it is descriptive, it does not read easily, and is not streamlined. That's what I meant.


Yeah i was just thinking the same thing
#16
Quote by Le_Bunny
*Rebuttal*


Well how would you word the sentence so that it is

1)Descriptive
2)Less wordy and easy to read
3)Succinct and to the point
4)Streamlined and relatively short

Reviewing, I would simply remove "your," apart from that I'm happy with it.
"My CV is enclosed and I would appreciate consideration for any available positions."


EDIT: Well guys it's good we're discussing this but critiquing it without giving examples is pointless maybe give him something to work with so he can improve it?
Last edited by st.stephen at Oct 1, 2009,
#17
CV is mine to enclosed for review and you're would I consider your appreciation for positions available, any?
Most of the important things


in the world have been accomplished


by people who have kept on


trying when there seemed to be no hope at all
#18
Quote by Nelsean
CV is mine to enclosed for review and you're would I consider your appreciation for positions available, any?

you beat me, TS should use this.
#19
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#20
Quote by Nelsean
CV is mine to enclosed for review and you're would I consider your appreciation for positions available, any?


I applaud this sentence.
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#21
Quote by st.stephen
Well how would you word the sentence so that it is...
EDIT: Well guys it's good we're discussing this but critiquing it without giving examples is pointless maybe give him something to work with so he can improve it?

I see you concede defeat. I would say something along the lines of "Enclosed is my resume, and I very much appreciate your consideration of me as regards any available positions."
#22
Quote by Nelsean
CV is mine to enclosed for review and you're would I consider your appreciation for positions available, any?


NELSEAN! Stop spamming up the pit, and get back to the metal forum.

But yeah, the first rewritten version looked good. I'll read it over again.

EDIT: It was Horatio's post. It was good except for the

"for considering me for a position" part.
Last edited by RedDeath9 at Oct 2, 2009,
#23
Quote by RedDeath9
NELSEAN! Stop spamming up the pit, and get back to the metal forum.


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Most of the important things


in the world have been accomplished


by people who have kept on


trying when there seemed to be no hope at all