#1
Hey all, Alex here!

It's been a while since I've posted a piece, but after months of writer's block, I've recently been able to get back into it - I'm stoked, of course!

This piece was written mid-September, and stemmed entirely from a simple 13/16 ostinato I tapped out in physics class one day. (1 - & a - e - a 3 - & a - .etc.) This phrase repeats with a 7/8 added on to add to 64 16ths (4 bars of 4/4 time). The phrase is counted in 16ths, and the dashes are 16th rests. =]

This is a conceptual piece - can you guess what? lulz -, though most likely it will be squeezed into a larger song as a cross-genre moment (Influenced by Spastic Ink and BTBAM).

C4C as always; the more you write, the more I write! Just post a link to your piece in your crit, please. =]

Thanks in advance to everybody who replies!

EDIT: As a side note, please ignore the last two bars
Attachments:
13-16 Polymeter groove.2gp4.gp4
13-16 Polymeter groove.2.gp5
13-16 Polymeter groove.2.mid
Last edited by juckfush at Oct 2, 2009,
#3
Interesting, now for the crit:

Im assuming that your still writing this since its only about a minute. Right from the start I can tell that Ive stumbled into some weird BTBAM part, I can see you do like that chaotic sinister carnival sound, it also has a nice Meshuggah groove.

The bass solo is nice, I do love my bass solos and this one sounds like it would make Dan Briggs sweat a little.

Overall its hard to give you alot of criticism on such a short piece but I can say that it would be nice if you moved into a riff that had more space for vocals to fill in, unless your instrumental, in that case I say it would be nice to break from all the technicality and make a simple yet memorable lead passage. It would even be nice to throw in a clean passage maybe.

I would like to hear the end result of this song and then I could crit it a little better.
#4
Cheers for the swift return I really do appreciate it.

BTBAM is definitely a major influence of mine, and the polymetric ideas definitely stemmed from SikTh and Meshuggah. And I've been abusing the carnival sound lately - I'm flattered that you picked up on it

Thanks for the bass solo comment I'll be expanding on it a little more - maintaining the theme, but getting rid of the repeat for some other melodies. And I'm honoured for the Briggs comment.

The piece probably won't be instrumental, as I see plenty of room for variety, and I'll definitely take your suggestions into account. =]

Thanks again for the quick reply!
Last edited by juckfush at Oct 2, 2009,
#7
Hi there. Ok this is new to me, I've only critted songs of the genre I listen to. I don't now this genre, neither do I know much about music theory or sonwriting. but I'll do my best.

bar 1 was quite good as an intro. But I didn't like bar 2 that much, it sounded to chaotic and messy ,

Then bar 3-6 I liked. It sounded evil and funky at the same time. good job on that one.

bar 7 and onward: well that first bar felt as a building collapsing, I didn't like it.
the next part on the other hand does very good for the song. and when the bass solo kicks in it's really good. I like the bass solo very much, I often have double feelings with bass solo's in songs but this one does a great job!.

I would like to add as well that when I opened the guitar pro file that i was astonished by the amount of tracks. you did a great job putting these together!


Cheers.
#8
Thanks for the reply champ

The collapsing building effects tie in with the concept of the piece (an awkward teenager enters a pharmacy, and accidentally knocks over a shelf of rubbers while looking for a pack - I'm just a fan of quirky concepts and Ron Jarzombek )

And a great big thank you for the positive feedback on the riffs and bass solo, and for the comment on the track arrangements I've only recently grown confidence with such experimentation, so I really do appreciate it. =]

I think I crit one of your pieces, but if there's anything else, feel free to PM me with a link. Thanks again!

#9
Very cool. Really liked Rhythm 2 of the main rif***e. Liked everything except the "bass solo" section. Didn't feel like it had that same happy feel to it as the other parts of the song did.
#10
Nice song mate.

Bar 1: That was pretty cool.

Bar 3-6: I found it a bit annoying, but it was probably guitar pro's fault.

Bar 7-8: Haha nice!

Bar 9-14: Grooooovy. That's all there is to say really.

Bar 15-18: I found the bass solo pretty interesting. =)

Again, you need to make room for vocals. This does have some real potential in my opinion.
EDIT: And it's good to see a lot of tracks, as I love to play around with them and see what I can come up with!

Overall, an interesting song.
This will probably improve after the completion of this song.
8.5/10

C4C?
Last edited by Joshe_009 at Oct 4, 2009,
#11
At first, thanks for the huge crit on the collaboration song, but I doubt I can write that much in return.

So, I can really feel the scene you're describing there with you music, great job on creating such an atmosphere.
It's also hard to turn that into a riff and I still dont understand how you did it:

Bar3-14, one instrument after another
Rythm I. I like the staccato and generally the rythm. I cant describe how complex your playing with the rythm is, I just love those things.I dont like the high tapping notes though.

Rythm II. It reminds me of the super mario theme, it really fits in there and has a nice groove

Drums: I like the #55 cymbas and the bass drums in there, nice beat.

Keys: The first 2 bars remind me of music played in an horror film, I dont know but When I hear that kind of melody it makes me think of a haunted house somehow. Together with the chord change in the next bar it suddenly sounds like a lullaby for little babies :/

Bass: It has a nice latin feel in it, I like the dead notes.

I cant describe how awsome this thing is, every instrument sounds complety different to each other but the whole thing still sounds awesome.

Definitely 10/10 for originality
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
#12
Thanks again to all those who posted. Overall the feedback's been great, so I can't thank you all enough. I'll definitely take suggestions into consideration, as always.

To Thorbor, cheers for the return crit! And hey, quality over quantity in crits =] If there's anything you'd like me to clarify or assess in the crit I gave you, please feel free to ask!

For those who commented on the concept and atmosphere of the piece, the theme was thought up after the piece was written, which has been the method for the past few pieces (including a new one which may be up in a couple of weeks). I just find it's the best way for me, personally, to communicate an idea, seeing as the overall theme (or themes) are evident first, and so the concept (or concepts) can be a bit more wild and quirky - something I'm a huge fan of!

The idea of the bass solo, with its shift in mood and atmosphere, was again a natural progression - most of the arpeggios and phrases follow the accompanying piano, which is essentially the same idea as the groove before it. I took more of a jazz approach, in that I treated each chord as a new mode or key, which may have attributed to the change in atmosphere, as 21Fretter pointed out. I'm definitely one to go for variation and even somewhat sporadic ideas, but most often they stem off one core concept (this whole piece came from the 13/16 ostinato, for example).

And finally, the sound effects came with trying to make the piece flow a bit better. I found that the groove to bass solo bridge was a bit awkward, so the tenor sax ''speech'' effect made it flow a bit better, and gave the urgency needed. Likewise, the collapsing shelf both suited the theme, and provided a climax in atmosphere.

I guess all of this is just for those who'd like a bit of insight into the writing process, as a few comments have been directed towards the steps taken.

Cheers for all the great feedback, again
#13
first of all this is awsome, i never heard something like it...
the fusion you did is great!
the main melody is great...
ill be waiting for the guitar solo
great job!
#14
Thanks for the crit.

I have no idea how to give a decent crit on this piece. All I can really say is it's fantastic, I've never heard anything like this before.

Well I've thought of some things. Honestly I prefer the SFX weren't there. I get why you put them in, but I think it kind of detracts from the song itself.

I also thing you cut the volume of backing a little too drastically for that otherwise amazing bass solo.

Also, bars 19-20 didn't really work for me. phrasing, note choice, and just as a way to end the song.

I also wish it were longer. Much longer.
#15
Not a problem, and thanks for your kind return

This section in particular was definitely influenced by BTBAM with the more recent cross-genre sections, so hopefully the sound effects will serve better purpose in the context of an actual song - if I ever expand upon this!

I've definitely considered adjusting the mixing for the bass solo, so I'll spend some time on that when I get a chance. And thanks for the great bass solo compliment, I really am honored. =]

And don't worry, bars 19-20 are there... just because They won't be in the piece

The piece is definitely still in progress, though I'm definitely unsure as to where to take it; I generally write 1 minute samples, and get completely lost. The logical idea, to me, would be to lead into an interlude style passage (considering the mix and tonality change in the bass solo section), with some ethereal effects and a more dominant piano to get out of the theme - I don't want it to be too monotonous, of course!

I was thinking a more song based part to initially lead into this whole crazy section though - a Protest The Hero/Watchtower type of idea, with the whole tone scales being brought in gradually to imply the shift (think The Dance of Eternity by Dream Theater before the piano solo, only instead of swells, there'll be whole tone phrases )

Any suggestions are welcome of course, but I think it'll be a while before I update this one.

Thanks again to everybody who took the time to post, you've been of great help

Alex
Last edited by juckfush at Oct 6, 2009,
#16
Haha cool piece you got going here, I'd love to hear the finished result .

Anyway on with the crit:

As soon as the piece started I smirked at the strange style (that sounded like a tango mixed with funk and jazz ). Nothing really wrong here but I'm just freaked out by the bass parts as they look difficult as hell! (esp. the solo but with the talent of bass players I've seen, I reckon it's possible ).
I like the use of sound effects to make the rubber shelf collapse sound, once again this adds a comedic side to this already funny piece but it also establishes the scene. I like concept pieces like this .
Only things I can suggest to change are small things - such as upping the volume of the piano as I find it too quiet to be that noticeable and with the volume up the bass part sounds... less alone?

Other than that, good start to what could be potentially one of the strangest things (in a good way ofc) that I have heard 10/10

Mind critting my latest piece? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1212084
#17
I really liked it!
I chaotic, but pleasant to listen at the same time! I Just love it!.
I would really like to listen to a finished song, as I could imagine the final song would be around 7-8 minutes, because it has a lot of riff and ideas to work with.
The sound effect would be less annoying and more effective it would be sorter ( compared to the songs length )

Please C4C ( the link are in my sig. )
#18
You left me an enormous crit for a tiny piece of music, I'd feel bad if I didn't return one.

I loved this piece so far. It sounds very chaotic, but clearly isn't weird just for the sake of being weird, there's some really inspired ideas in there. And it also doesn't rely on polyrhythms or odd time signatures to sound proggy, they're overused as **** in this type of music IMO.

There's an awesome combination of vibes going on. At first the chord progression and the second guitar's part reminded me of Latin music, and the metal riffs the first guitar plays sort of "grounds" the piece, if that makes sense. Whatever it's doing, it does it well. And it sounds like there's a jazz influence, which is always awesome.

I also really liked how the other instruments seemed to take a step back for the bass solo, without stopping the flow of the piece or seeming anticlimatic. I could probably learn from that, with my more instruments = more climaxes ideas.

And lastly, I thought it had a really cool concept. Obviously I don't actually know what it is, but there's obviously some kind of story combined with the music. My guess is something along the lines of a schizophrenic person buying condoms and finding the whole mundane experience terrifying.

Anyway, I look forward to seeing this completed, and other stuff you do. Great work.
I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF GALWAY
Last edited by whalepudding at Nov 19, 2009,
#19
Very nice piece man I only have a few critics.
At the start there is way too much going on, it sounds a bit crowded and like you're trying to fit many different phrases into a few seconds. You could spread them out and develop them in their own way.
And maybe i'm being fussy, but some of the parts with the 17th fret on the E string and the 5th fret on the E string could be hard to play, but that's not really much.


Quote by Spoonman69
Rap is music,far better than metal for example. id much rather hear about hoes and anal sex than dragons and supressed homosexuality.
#20
Cheers man

The lead up to this section will definitely have a lot less going on, and this section in particular is going to be a reprise of an earlier theme, as a variation. I'm hoping that'll clear up some of the messiness and cluttered sound.
The high octave idea is a bit of a nuisance, but definitely playable - I use left hand legato to perform the phrase on the 6th string, to keep up the rhythm, and tap with the middle finger of my right hand. It was a bit awkward at first, but it's down now and I feel it adds to the quirky nature of the piece to have those syncopated, alarm-like notes. I love quirkiness ^ ^

Thanks for the return I'm going to be uploading an updated version soon, leading into a post-rock/oriental sort of section, just as soon as I get the transitioning section down-pat.