#2
Hey champ, critting as I listen. =]

Nice use of 5/4 at the beginning of the piece, but I feel the rhythmic elements are a bit monotonous until about 0:20, when the rhythm section really attributes to the 5/4 feel and makes it flow. Melodically, it's a great way to start the piece - your use of arpeggios definitely show traits of BTBAM. If I could suggest anything, it's finding where you'd like the dynamics to be, to signify a more definite pulse - small dynamic and expressive nuisances can make even the daftest of time signatures flow amazingly.

The clean section following - is that a 7/8 to 5/8 pulse at 1:09? I'm certain it's predominantly in 6/4, but the pulse you presented definitely makes me think of the former Nice use of syncopation by the way. The transition to this section was a bit rough, but the section itself flows quite well - I particularly like 2:06 onwards. Very ethereal and atmospheric, a trait I'm very fond of in progressive pieces. I could definitely see a bass lead happening here, personally. =]

The flat fives (or are they flat thirds?) leading back into the distorted section works well - sounds very Opeth-y from there on, in my opinion, with the use of dissonant chords and the octave progression.

About 4 minutes onwards it was clear that you'd be revisiting a theme, and the transition ran smoothly - not to say it was cliche or overly expected, but the pulse definitely gave away that you'd be revisiting the theme. The variation added with the lead helped maintain interest, but I can't help but feel as if it's lacking slightly in that department - of revisiting themes, but maintaining interest at the same time. It needs tweaking I think, that's all.

The leads following are done well, but could be raised ever so slightly in the mix. I usually don't advocate the idea of boosting solos, but they do seem a bit drowned out.
5:40ish - Wow! I love this sort of stuff - the sort of ambient, chaotic, almost carnival-like atmosphere. Simple, but beautifully done, and the drums work well.

I hope I've been of some assistance - I'll be coming to every now and then to update my post, and if you like, I'm free to answer any questions or go into detail on anything in particular.

Care to crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1209392

Cheers

Alex
Last edited by juckfush at Oct 2, 2009,
#3
Yeah I understand what your getting at, its hard to make those repeated parts sound right but try imagine a Mikeal Akerdfelt type growl over those chords, and yes I have based a majority of this song off the half-whole scale, Im in love with that scale. Another thing I am a guitarist not a drummer or bassist, so some rhythm or groove parts when it comes to the drums would be better off written by an actual drummer or bassist. Thanks for the crit though.
#4
Ah, fair enough I didn't even consider vocals over the song! And I'm sorry if I sounded harsh or blunt in my crit, it definitely has potential.
I've gotten a bit obsessed with half-whole and whole-tone scales as well, recently. They definitely have unique tonal and harmonic characteristics. And I'll add that you did use them with quite some flair, particularly in the Opeth-like section.

If there's anything I can help out with - even helping with the drums and bass (though I'm afraid it may take a while ) - I'd be glad to. There are a few guys on this forum who are great at composing rhythm sections, so I can try to hunt them down once I remember who they are.

And hey, feel free to PM me or ask me to check out the piece again sometime. I'd be glad to help.

Keep up the great work

PS: I just realized that there's a distinct Scale The Summit-esque sound for the first half or so. Were you by any chance influenced by them at all?
Last edited by juckfush at Oct 2, 2009,