#1
Heya guys.

Here is the first version of a metalcore/hardcore song I'm working on.
it might not sound like odinary metalcore but .. meh .
I just want your opinion wether it's any good or wether some parts are any good.
Lyrics are also finished for it.
let me know what you think of the intrumental part.

Crit 4 crit of course .

Cheers.

GP4
GP5
MIDI
Attachments:
Blood Dollars.gp4
Blood Dollars.gp5
Blood Dollars.mid
#2
99.99% of it is powerchords. That tends to bug me because they're so common and old-school.
Quote by Gunpowder
C'mon, man. We're just kidding. We all know that drummers are important.

After all, without drummers, who would bag my groceries?


(\__/)
(='.'=) This is Bunny. Put him in your signature and help
(")_(") him on his way to world domination.
#3
As the above poster said, the constant use of power chords can be a bit tiresome and monotonous for a listener, and they add a discrete sound of repetition in the piece. I'd recommend listening out for potential melody lines, and working those stronger tones into your chords - that is, if you hear a D melody tone over a C power chord, that extra note could be added in (an suspended 2nd or extended 9th interval). It's slight modifications like that that can help maintain interest.
What I'd recommend, actually, is keeping the introductory riff (the thrashy one) simple with the 5th chords, but the second time around, maybe adding on or replacing certain notes for a change in harmony/melody/tonality.

Of course, the idea of altered melody notes within a heavier rhythm part can be used in any of your low C chugging sections. It just gives a bit of life and ahcracter, and acts as a contrast from the rest of the piece. And hey, reverting to a chugging section without the added melody lines in the chords can make them seem heavier and chunkier (if that's what you'd like) by contrast. Variety really makes a huge difference in a piece.

The melody line at bar 51 is a stronger point of the track, but the drums sound very unorganised and sloppy (which actually brings down a lot of the piece), as well as the rest of the ensemble. Tightening the accompaniment for this section, and again, using extended harmonies and mapping out the rhythm sections more appropriately can awaken this section to its full potential.

Overall, I'd really just recommend creating a bit of variety and contrast in your rhythm sections, and the drums could use a bit of work; just listening to the piece with your percussion track muted and trying to envision what you'd like - where you'd like your accents, the pulses you'd prefer, the pieces of the kit you can use in different sections for contrast - can play a huge part in creating a strong track (for any instrument, really). I can definitely tell what you're trying to do, and some parts work, but this process may be the key to achieving the result.

I hope this has helped! A link to my piece is in my sig. I'd appreciate any input, but of course the more detailed and the more specific the better.

Last edited by juckfush at Oct 3, 2009,
#4
listening as i write
the drums on the intro need changing they wern't very interesting
likeing the riffs so far
again drums need spiceing
didn't like the riff at 88 the high notes in it wern't nice
ending was abit dole maybe make it fade out with a chug chug riff :P

pretty good minus the drum bars: 4, 32, 49 and 107 make it flow better

7.5-8/10
#5
Drums in intro need to line up with the guitars, right now they're not giving much to the song. The whole palmmute and chug along thing reminded me of numetal but what follows, thankfully proves me wrong. Bars 16 - 23 are good and the bars 24 - 48 are good. Im noticing that there's way too much repetition of ideas. Even when you vary them, try to introduce new ones. I saw way too many 5-0-7-8-0-5 (that's tab, lol) riffs in the intro. There were variations but not enough to make it interesting. Hier Momet Komen's rhythm section needs more power, use the drums. Right now it seems scattered. 65 onwards could use more than one chord. Bar 79 comes in and rescues that part of the song. I don't really get bar 88 - 97, it seems unrelated and doesn't add too much to the song. Bar 107 is nice. Bar 108 - 121 needs work.

I think the song's biggest and most glaring weakness is the drum track. Its not powerful enough. Drums hold the rhythm, you can use them to slow down or speed up the song. And they should usually follow what the guitars are doing or what the bass is doing (Chris Adler is a notable exception but that's different). Your drums weren't tight enough to deliver a bunch.Work on them. Another really irksome thing with the song was the use of the open powerchord, maybe it's because it reminds me so much of nu-metal, but I don't know, having a whole riff based on one note for over eight bars seems... redundant. Try getting out of that habit, it makes songs more interesting.

That being said some parts of the song were quite nice. Some riffs in the intro were nice, parts where one guitar did leads and another did a solo/melody over it were cool. The bar 79 riffs were very nice too. So not all is bad, just write better drums and fewer redundant powerchordy riffs.

6.5/10. If the drums are fixed, 7.5/10. If more interesting things replace the one note riffs, then 8.5 out of 10, very very easily. Don't get me wrong, its not a bad song, it just has a few major elements that drag it down. Get rid of them, and it would be amazing.

Crit mine?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1208677
#6
Quote by juckfush
I'd recommend listening out for potential melody lines, and working those stronger tones into your chords - that is, if you hear a D melody tone over a C power chord, that extra note could be added in (an suspended 2nd or extended 9th interval). It's slight modifications like that that can help maintain interest.
What I'd recommend, actually, is keeping the introductory riff (the thrashy one) simple with the 5th chords, but the second time around, maybe adding on or replacing certain notes for a change in harmony/melody/tonality.


First of all thanks for this very structured comment.
Could you explain a bit what you mean with what you said there? i'm not a specialist in music theory or songwriting (this is my second song I made).
Thanks
#7
Cheers, and I understand that I'm a bit ambiguous/presumptuous with my suggestions My bad!

With the low C chugging ideas, you can add a bit of interest and contrast by replacing certain notes. The below chord for example is a C5, as it consist of a C (the root) and its fifth (G). Those are just the intervals, or spaces between the notes.

C-0 (C, octave)
G-0 (G, V)
C-0 (C, I)

The idea is that by changing some notes - and therefore the intervals - you can create some interesting new harmonies, tonalities, and even melodies within the chord - which can really spice up a piece! For example, by replacing the open G with a an A (2nd fret), you'll have a 6th harmony.

G-2 (VI)
C-0 (I)

Or for a really chunky, but melodic rhythm sound, you could use ninths, which act like two power chords stacked on top on each other, like this:

C-2 (D, IX)
G-0 (G, V)
C-0 (C, I)

Or how about a minor 7th with the 9th?!

C-2 (IX)
G-3 (bVII)
C-0 (I)

So you get a nice think harmony with the metalcore sound still intact! Awesome!

It's just little ideas like that, that contain melodic aspects as well as rhythmic powers, that can break the monotony of a piece - and make those chugging parts sound way heavier by comparison! Which is always nice
But it really comes down to how you use these ideas - even including one ninth chord, for example, amongst your chugging riffs can create a whole new sound, and omitting/replacing certain notes of any chord can do the same. Power chords are great in hardcore, but I think it's always good to experiment - if you get something, it's great, but if not, at least you know for next time.

I hope I've clarified a bit with my wall of text Feel free to PM me if you have any more questions and the like.

Last edited by juckfush at Oct 4, 2009,
#8
if you'd know how to add drums i think this song would sound much better, also yeah, it's bad that your song almost fully consists of those power chords
#9
Quote by ismails2004
if you'd know how to add drums i think this song would sound much better, also yeah, it's bad that your song almost fully consists of those power chords


jeah I'm not that familiar with writing drums I'm working on that. I sent the piece to my drummer and he's going to adjust major things. i'm working on potential melody lines as well. If we could fix it we might even be able to use it for my band. thanks for the replies so far guys. for the guys I didn't C4C yet , I'll do it soon.