#1
this song is about my girlfriends past abusive relationship, its a song that was quite sad for me to write but the last verse was a happy moment.

so yeah if it seems a bit emo.. thats why XD, this is a song for my metal band EHCUOD and well be recording a demo around new year and this will be on it

chorus

the sky so cold
shes screaming now
its all so old

her eyes turn black
again
this winters snow falls red

verse 1
shes laid to waste
now but a broken shell
you can see in her face
things that shell never tell

her tears are the ink
and her cheek is the page
words on the brink
as she festers in rage

verse 2
ill set her free from
her chain of scars
destroy her burden
and show her the stars

bathed in the moonlight
shell smile up at me
and ill say i love you
without fallacy
Mah gear :p

Guitars:
Ibanez RG350DX
BC rich NJ neck thru series warlock
customized epi les paul

Amps:
blackstar ht-5 combo
VOX VT-100

Pedals:
bad dog phaser


"Remember your a WOMBLE!!!"
Quote by Morrie2995
dude you just became my hero. Nice
Last edited by sylphin at Oct 4, 2009,
#2
I like the premise, as I'm currently with a girl who went through some awful crap.
as for the content, I think you could do better. It's definitely not bad but I feel that some sections have been the casualty of rhyming, particularly these two:
---
her tears are the ink
and her cheek is the page
words on the brink
as she festers in rage

bathed in the moonlight
shell smile up at me
and ill say i love you
without fallacy
---

they feel a bit too forced and sing songy, especially for metal.

BTW, Where is your band from and do you have a myspace? I'm in a metal band myself (it's called Adelaide, we're from Tennessee) so, I like to hear locals from other areas.
Last edited by afortuneinlies at Oct 4, 2009,
#3
to be honest i agree with you on those bits, mainly the she festers in rage and the ill say i love you without fallacy bits, but hey the songs new in production so theres time to make edits.

and im in a band called EHCUOD and were from morecambe uk lol

and the myspace will be up soon, were technically a new band, but technically weve been around for a couple of years.. loooong story lol
Mah gear :p

Guitars:
Ibanez RG350DX
BC rich NJ neck thru series warlock
customized epi les paul

Amps:
blackstar ht-5 combo
VOX VT-100

Pedals:
bad dog phaser


"Remember your a WOMBLE!!!"
Quote by Morrie2995
dude you just became my hero. Nice
#4
fair enough, I know how band crap gets complicated, lol.

yeah dude, just keep in mind that it doesn't HAVE to rhyme, and that rhyming is only good when it's natural and relative.