#1
Keep in mind im a 14 year old without much experiance at all (none), so criting would help me.

this prickly sensation
all over my skin
through out all the frustration
im still here to grin

i feel no sadness
i feel no pain
nothing left but madness
no sun after rain

i am so numb that
everything feels surreal
nothing ever turns out right
i dont know how to feel

i just try and stay calm
keep everything bright
i have so many qualms
i doubt everything will be alright

i am so numb that
everything feels surreal
nothing ever turns out right
i dont know how to feel

thats kidna a verse,chorus,verse,chorus thing

(off topic... but has anyone noticed firefox has a spell check? and it says "firefox" is spelled wrong)
#2
Right away after reading this, i think that you should get rid of the first verse. It isn't very good and kinda weighs down the rest. After that, it definitely picks up. I think you should add another verse. At first I thought make the verses longer, but they definitely work better short. I think that adding another verse would just be a chance to add more depth to the song. Overall a solid effort
#3
so no first verse? should i just get rid of it and leave it one paragraph before chorus or make a new one so its 2 paras before chorus?